Sooo many of them, maybe deserves a rhetoric tag of its own (maybe there is and I missed it). And it often tracks with "ez going guy." Likes fun, girls who like to laugh, live music, beer photos. No HARD THINKING allowed. Bc if she thinks about the world at large... she just might think about him. 🤔
Agreed. I encounter people like this a lot in my crunchy little town though. People who are some kind of hippie, new age, into crystals and vibes etc who are think they’re very enlightened and empathetic and have a lot of therapy speak to tap into, but are not engaging politically in the world. Often into polyamory (not that that’s always bad or anything.) It’s a subculture. Don’t love it, won’t date it.
It’s a version of Jennie’s Middle Aged
White Buddhist, which I call (harking back to what women in the 80s called them) SNAGs: Sensitive New Age Guys. They’ll talk the talk of respect and empathy but deep down they’re just selfish assholes. I remember them from my childhood and I was not a fan then either.
there was a youngish white guy working in my all women workplace and he aspires to be a 'sovereign citizen' with absolutely no awareness why this is problematic. it's the same, he thinks he's enlightened, but really his privilege is showing.
Another thing hitting me -- it's joyful/playful guy, but with a gendered meaning. This one is a little tougher -- I would never want to yuck someone's yum. We all get messages of "show up positive, shine your light, no one wants to hear about your problem ex." So I really get that. But I have to say, if I hear one more male person, including friends, family, guy in an app, tell me about their fun and "wild ride" life, I just think I'll vomit. Or their "problems" that involve their file share platform didn't work, or their car got a lemon radiation. These are man world problems, as people used to say "first world problems." And how fitting it is really (sorry to recycle a problematic term) but being male is fundamentally being "first world" even if it doesn't encompass all of one's worlds of race, class, sexuality. It is still a card that gets you in so many clubs.
Meanwhile, my problems as a female (and I mean pretty routine ones after one and only one divorce and just normal woman life) involve the court system (family and his criminal), caregiving of youngers and elders, reporting problem police officers, health issue from all the stress for years, financial strain bc court made things worse, etc etc. You all understand. I am exhausted.
So I'm a really overall happy person, I'm a die hard optimist, I have plenty of good things in life for which I'm grateful. But nope, no inclination to dance around naked in my yard. No interest in wasting my previous life or brain cells on a guy who is apolitical and lives as a happy dancing island. How could this guy possibly relate -- to anything? It's like we're on different planets. This is all "mommy look at me finger paint." I also compare it to the men out there who bring some basic balance and depth. I haven't really been able to put this into words before -- this guy's profile really has a lot. Thank you Jennie. 👏🏼
I didn't realise how well my mother had me trained from a young age, that if someone says they're 'not political', it's a giant red flag, and to always be suspicious of them because everything is political. Funny, it's just occurred to me I always knew she was talking about men.
I noticed that too and immediately thought that he absolutely is political in the fact he probably doesn't about the effect Republican policies have on anyone who isn't a heterosexual, white, caucasian man.
Another thing I see here that is at least contradictory and is a big turnoff is he says he wants “someone who enjoys life as much as I do” and then he also says he works at “work is no fun.” If you dislike your work so much to say this in your profile, you’re clearly not loving life. And obviously lacking in self awareness.
It's a red flag for the guy who wants to complain about his mean boss and general mediocre white man self-victimization. I love my job, I busted my ass to get it. I'd never want to date a guy who led with that.
My last 2 ex's weaponised their jobs. They were both too stressed to do anything outside of work, amd spent do much time complaining about it. It was exhausting to deal with. I wasted so much empathy. It was so frustrating in the end. Either get a different job or stop complaining. I love my job! If the father of my child had actually stepped up to be a decent dad, he could have cut his hours and could have worked more and earnt more than him. Obviously he wouldn't do that because then he'd have nothing to weaponise.
The other ex had 'in a busy man' rhetoric in his dating profile. Would defo b2b if came across him now. Both had massive victim complexes which work stress played into, which were used to manipulate me into taking care of them. A fair bit of 'are you my mother' too come to think of it.
The “someone who enjoys life as much as I do” seems like a continuation out another facet of the second analysis: “When I find my forever person, she can have my heart” [until then I’ll play the field with whoever while she remains loyal to me and engages in total self-abandonment in order to “earn” the same from me]. Either way, I totally agree it’s another red flag.
Is "gardening" supposed to be a euphemism or something? As in, he likes tending to bushes in the nude? Planting his seeds? Watching things grow? Either way, EWWWWW Anthony! B2B!!
Do they not have neighbours? I always thought it was a joke and nobody actually did it.
I can't see it being very practical or dignified bending down weeding while mooning the world. Plus getting insect bites, nettle stings, thorn prickles and sunburn in places that have no business suffering those things.
So he's not even a proper serious gardener, just a poser.
Oh, and no. I would not mention it in my dating profile because it is my guilty little secret. Sure, I'll tell all of you anonymous strangers, but my friends don't know i occasionally disrobe to deadhead.
Nope, one story bungalows built in the early 1950s. I am selective about which activities I do naked--usually it's pulling weeds. I don't have nettles, brambles, or anything else that will scratch me. And the only annoying bugs we have are mosquitos, but I don't get many in my yard. I have a 6-foot fence that completely surrounds my back yard and I feel completely safe, whether I am clothed or naked. I live in a middle-class suburban neighborhood in a small city in Montana, USA, so we REALLY appreciate our short summers.
Another naked gardener here! The sun on my skin is such a pleasure and when it’s really hot clothes are just an encumbrance. Obviously I wear protective clothing for nettle or bramble bashing, but it’s easy to pick berries naked or mow the lawn. I always wear shoes (maybe just flip flops) and a hat and often gloves so it’s not quite an all over tan! We don’t have neighbours, we live in the French countryside. The only person that I’ve embarrassed was a postman! And yes, I have got a naked gardening photo on my profile because it’s a nice photo (rear view of me digging). Why not? I want to attract someone with similar body confidence.
Anthony is weird though. He doesn’t seem like a normal adult. And I’ve no idea how to dance while gardening.
I live bushwalking and enjoy swimming/ hanging out in camp at the end of the day naked, both because being in your own skin is great and it saves on what you have to carry if you can wash your clothes then leave them to dry when you’ve got nothing on.
It’s only weird or uncomfortable if you (or somebody else) makes it so.
A body is, after all, just a body until someone sexualises, fetishises or weaponises it with “modesty rules.”
And no, I’d never put it in a dating profile because it would attract way too many weirdos.
Alas living in the city, I don’t have access to the privacy fence. I like to garden, but I don’t know… I think about the places where I get dirt… I don’t want dirt in some places! Lol.
This is true! I am follow a gardening group on Facebook and there is a nude gardening day where people post photos of themselves gardening in the nude. With strategically placed pot plants, spades and other various gardening implements of course.
I’m sure that people nakedly garden, but Anthony doesn’t seem like a gardener. I think he’s referring to cannabis consumption. Which might explain some of his casual attitude.
Dear God, why hast thou forsaken us? And Anthony -- ok I can sort of get why you might have forsaken Anthony but please, would you come back for him? Wrap him in some swaddling weed fabric.
Now back to us. Where are some better men? Please 🤷🏼♀️This forsaking has really got to stop.
And yes Anthony, you would make me really, really uncomfortable. Like Netflix true crime level uncomfortable. Go put your clothes on.
"A partner that loves people." This is a grammatical structure that makes me crazy, although it's very common. When you refer to people, it's "who." Things are "that." So even though it's a common construction, I find it dehumanizing.
And you make the excellent point that this isn't just a local colloquialism -- earlier today I read "happened on accident" rather than by accident. I think this is really common in certain areas. But you're spot on -- this has a meaning to it and it's that people (women here) are objects.
I don’t understand the logistics of gardening while naked. Sitting or crawling on the ground, climbing ladders with pruning tools in my back pocket (oops no), carrying sacks of compost, etc while naked? Eww! Even clothed, I don’t understand doing those things while dancing. 🕺 Seems like unrelated activities, like sipping coffee in the shower.
Right, and not to mention the OUCH! factor when a thorny rose bush whips back onto a tender body part. Or you bend down and your rear touches a nettle patch. Not to mention you'll be a giant delicious landing strip for biting insects
I came here to say this. That is not smart of him. Don't get me started on the bugs, too. I don't need bugs with free access to my hoo-ha or butt crack. Hard pass dude.
And he chooses both monogamy (first) and non-monogamy (second), says he's been monogamous most of his life, and then cryptically says that jealousy is hate's ugly cousin. My read of this is that he's non-monogamous, but he's not saying so until he's snagged some poor unsuspecting woman. Then it'll be, well, I had non-monogamy on my profile, what did you expect?! Faux ENM, or should I say weaponized ENM. And like Kai from yesterday, he probably wants her to be monogamous while he dances about spreading his seed. Yucky
I can see that. My first thought was that his ex in his-idea-of-a-monogamous relationship (she has to be, but he doesn’t) was appropriately pissed off by his actual inappropriate behavior with other women. He just can’t get it through his thick head that doing naked household chores with another woman would make his partner upset; hence, she was “jealous” and quite possibly hates him now. (Yes, I once took a creative writing class in college so I like making up back stories about these ridiculous dating profiles 🤣)
Even poly folks deal with jealousy! It isn’t my scene but I know folks in it. I wish them the best but I can only make me and hopefully one other person happy. This guy doesn’t seem able make even himself happy.
This reminds me of the “dancing in the kitchen” trope that was #trendingontheapps a while back. Except Anthony has taken it a step too far if he’s cooking while naked. The health department frowns on that. 😂
Many years ago I worked in the Chemistry Industry. I'd stay late to use the computers (I was working on a Master's part time). There was this one guy who would stay late to do experiments and I was stuck babysitting him because of safety rules - we both needed a "Buddy" to be there. Soooo... the company would turn down the AC after hours, and once it started getting warm this guy would strip down to his tighty whiteys. In. The. Lab. Maybe he thought he was doing some sort of Chemistry mating dance outside my office? I never understood why he was so "relaxed" about using hydrochloric acid with not much protecting his manhood. Yes, he was pipetting hydrochloric acid in his tighty whiteys. Thank ALL the gods and goddesses I never had to drag him to the ER with acid burns on his weenie.
Anthony thinks that trimming the hedges makes his deck look bigger. For the life of me I can't imagine who would read his profile and think 'that guy is for me'. Also "non political" in this day and age is a red flag (not sure if he's in the US though).
Maybe a woman, one time, under pressure to say something positive: I feel pretty comfortable with you, I guess . . .
Anthony, probably: I knew it. I am the Chosen One. I come to bring the Gift of my Presence to the world of women. See how they writhe in awkward discomfort because no one is practicing Active Listening with Empathy?
Fear not, gentle idiots, I am here to dance you into comfort with naked gardening! Guess where I keep the pruning shears! Hahahahaha, you’ll never—what’s that? Oh. Yeah, they’re in my butt.
Wheeeee! Are you comfortable yet? No? Come into my kitchen then! I’m Listening so Actively!!
This one really made me think because for me the toxicity was more subtle than some of the men we have mocked. What stands out most for me is the conditional decency, “when I find my forever person you will have my heart.” That’s signaling for a trauma bond. Old me would have thought, I can do it! I can be Cinderella in this story!
A popular profile I used to see was : “I’m guarded (read: difficult) to let someone in but once I do I’ll give everything.” Real life translation: the goal post will always be changing babe, stick around and give me the full girlfriend experience while I secretly am open to other women AND dangle the YOU COULD BE THE ONE carrot in front of you for as long as you’ll keep hoping for the fairytale ending. Unfortunately wasted years of my life with one of those…..I used to think men were showing up wanting what I wanted—HA…HA….HA……accepting that 99 percent are just bad actors
Performative sensitivity. He'll probably tell you you are a goddess and then tell you all the ways you can improve yourself under the guise of helping you or just trying to make you a better person. I live in a hippie surf town and these types of guys run rampant here. I bet he lives in his van.
At 55, 11 years single I see this and despite the wonderful 'I found a needle stories' - the amount of labor required to evalate and vet profiles vs the number of needles doesnt add up for me. Call it girl math but I am more and more inclined to spend that time and energy with all the fabulous friends and family, my hobbies, chilling at home and travelling than to waste it on man-boy profiles, conversations amd meets when 99.9% are red flag carrying shit shows. As for intimacy.. well lets just say there are toys for that and they dont require much in return but regulary passive charging!
I could not agree with you more! Was just thinking this the other day while reading about the incredible amount of time and emotional effort it takes to evaluate and weed out a decent partner. I blew ALL my energy trying to make my 30 year marriage work and he was a parade of red flags from the start. I watch from the bleachers now while knitting, working, gardening (clothed), and spending time with good friends whom I trust and trying to help the world be a better place. I realized the presence of an almighty wiener is definitely not worth the cost.
100 %! I love warching and dispair at what I witness. Women tolerate, labour and suffer for trying to be it all and do it all and conform to the internalized misogynistic social norms and regulated patriarchy all the while literally dieing in a world run by men desperately trying to maintain, preserve and perpetuate a system that benifits them alone and I am grateful to have shed the internalization of the systems and learned to love myself enough to step out and build my very best life AND quietly do the work with the women and men in my world.
My 30 yr relationship and all associated responsibilities belonged to me and me alone. I did a damn good job too, partially because I outright refused to also work outside the home. It wasnt sustainable or practical to do both full time jobs. When it became nessesary for me (by choice and circumstance) and i returned to work and began to bump responsibilities back into balanc and expected it to be shared by my wasband all hell broke loose. I quickly ended it and he was shocked. Within weeks he found a new 'mom' and carried on with his weponized incompetence. I identified wonderful opportunites to set myself up for success tho I unfortunately met and dated a covert narc a few years later. Lessons learned and life altering for the better. I have much gratitude for the strong women leading learning and actively working in their own way to create a new norm for women today and in the future. My mother, my daughters and my descendants will benifit enormously.
An additional point:
An apolitical white man. So he's oblivious to his privilege and doesn't understand that existing is political.
Therefore probably lacks empathy/compassion. Which will also make him a poor choice for a relationship.
Didn't even catch that, but you're totally right. That seems to track with Anthony 🙄
Sooo many of them, maybe deserves a rhetoric tag of its own (maybe there is and I missed it). And it often tracks with "ez going guy." Likes fun, girls who like to laugh, live music, beer photos. No HARD THINKING allowed. Bc if she thinks about the world at large... she just might think about him. 🤔
Hahaha! Bingo!
Spot on…
First thing I noticed. There is absolutely no way someone can claim to be empathetic and be apolitical.
Agreed. I encounter people like this a lot in my crunchy little town though. People who are some kind of hippie, new age, into crystals and vibes etc who are think they’re very enlightened and empathetic and have a lot of therapy speak to tap into, but are not engaging politically in the world. Often into polyamory (not that that’s always bad or anything.) It’s a subculture. Don’t love it, won’t date it.
It’s a version of Jennie’s Middle Aged
White Buddhist, which I call (harking back to what women in the 80s called them) SNAGs: Sensitive New Age Guys. They’ll talk the talk of respect and empathy but deep down they’re just selfish assholes. I remember them from my childhood and I was not a fan then either.
there was a youngish white guy working in my all women workplace and he aspires to be a 'sovereign citizen' with absolutely no awareness why this is problematic. it's the same, he thinks he's enlightened, but really his privilege is showing.
Is anybody else old enough to remember Christine Lavin's hilarious song about Sensitive New Age Guys?
Ooh, I’ll have to look for that!
That was the first thing I noticed! In that demographic, "apolitical" or "independent" usually means he's hiding his right-wing beliefs to get laid.
That jumped right out at me. It says "I don't like to think too hard about things."
Another thing hitting me -- it's joyful/playful guy, but with a gendered meaning. This one is a little tougher -- I would never want to yuck someone's yum. We all get messages of "show up positive, shine your light, no one wants to hear about your problem ex." So I really get that. But I have to say, if I hear one more male person, including friends, family, guy in an app, tell me about their fun and "wild ride" life, I just think I'll vomit. Or their "problems" that involve their file share platform didn't work, or their car got a lemon radiation. These are man world problems, as people used to say "first world problems." And how fitting it is really (sorry to recycle a problematic term) but being male is fundamentally being "first world" even if it doesn't encompass all of one's worlds of race, class, sexuality. It is still a card that gets you in so many clubs.
Meanwhile, my problems as a female (and I mean pretty routine ones after one and only one divorce and just normal woman life) involve the court system (family and his criminal), caregiving of youngers and elders, reporting problem police officers, health issue from all the stress for years, financial strain bc court made things worse, etc etc. You all understand. I am exhausted.
So I'm a really overall happy person, I'm a die hard optimist, I have plenty of good things in life for which I'm grateful. But nope, no inclination to dance around naked in my yard. No interest in wasting my previous life or brain cells on a guy who is apolitical and lives as a happy dancing island. How could this guy possibly relate -- to anything? It's like we're on different planets. This is all "mommy look at me finger paint." I also compare it to the men out there who bring some basic balance and depth. I haven't really been able to put this into words before -- this guy's profile really has a lot. Thank you Jennie. 👏🏼
YES! The whole "I'm looking for a playmate for my Positive Playground Life." It feels so entitled. Get a Golden Retriever bro
Man world problems! Ha ha ha! Totally stealing.
I didn't realise how well my mother had me trained from a young age, that if someone says they're 'not political', it's a giant red flag, and to always be suspicious of them because everything is political. Funny, it's just occurred to me I always knew she was talking about men.
I noticed that too and immediately thought that he absolutely is political in the fact he probably doesn't about the effect Republican policies have on anyone who isn't a heterosexual, white, caucasian man.
Naked gardening = nasty rash risk
That’s the thing that popped for me too. If you’re comfortable with the status quo that shit’s unacceptable
Yup!
It’s hard to believe that one man is this many kinds of unappealing.
Another thing I see here that is at least contradictory and is a big turnoff is he says he wants “someone who enjoys life as much as I do” and then he also says he works at “work is no fun.” If you dislike your work so much to say this in your profile, you’re clearly not loving life. And obviously lacking in self awareness.
It's a red flag for the guy who wants to complain about his mean boss and general mediocre white man self-victimization. I love my job, I busted my ass to get it. I'd never want to date a guy who led with that.
My last 2 ex's weaponised their jobs. They were both too stressed to do anything outside of work, amd spent do much time complaining about it. It was exhausting to deal with. I wasted so much empathy. It was so frustrating in the end. Either get a different job or stop complaining. I love my job! If the father of my child had actually stepped up to be a decent dad, he could have cut his hours and could have worked more and earnt more than him. Obviously he wouldn't do that because then he'd have nothing to weaponise.
Totally get it. It's the math they don't want to do.
The other ex had 'in a busy man' rhetoric in his dating profile. Would defo b2b if came across him now. Both had massive victim complexes which work stress played into, which were used to manipulate me into taking care of them. A fair bit of 'are you my mother' too come to think of it.
The “someone who enjoys life as much as I do” seems like a continuation out another facet of the second analysis: “When I find my forever person, she can have my heart” [until then I’ll play the field with whoever while she remains loyal to me and engages in total self-abandonment in order to “earn” the same from me]. Either way, I totally agree it’s another red flag.
I run into that alll the time “when I find…she can have me”….and they breadcrumb.
Is "gardening" supposed to be a euphemism or something? As in, he likes tending to bushes in the nude? Planting his seeds? Watching things grow? Either way, EWWWWW Anthony! B2B!!
It's a real thing. People do garden in the nude. I have no idea why, but they do.
Do they not have neighbours? I always thought it was a joke and nobody actually did it.
I can't see it being very practical or dignified bending down weeding while mooning the world. Plus getting insect bites, nettle stings, thorn prickles and sunburn in places that have no business suffering those things.
So he's not even a proper serious gardener, just a poser.
Don't knock it til you try it! A privacy fence and sunscreen keep you well protected. It's quite liberating. Definitely a solo activity though.
Interesting to have a practicing naked gardener to quiz.
Do the houses in your area not have an upstairs?
It doesn't seem practical to garden without protective clothing - insects, thorns, nettles being a few hazards.
Do you live somewhere really safe where this wouldn't be a risk to your personal safety?
Would you feature this hobby on your dating profile and include it in your photos?
Oh, and no. I would not mention it in my dating profile because it is my guilty little secret. Sure, I'll tell all of you anonymous strangers, but my friends don't know i occasionally disrobe to deadhead.
Nope, one story bungalows built in the early 1950s. I am selective about which activities I do naked--usually it's pulling weeds. I don't have nettles, brambles, or anything else that will scratch me. And the only annoying bugs we have are mosquitos, but I don't get many in my yard. I have a 6-foot fence that completely surrounds my back yard and I feel completely safe, whether I am clothed or naked. I live in a middle-class suburban neighborhood in a small city in Montana, USA, so we REALLY appreciate our short summers.
Another naked gardener here! The sun on my skin is such a pleasure and when it’s really hot clothes are just an encumbrance. Obviously I wear protective clothing for nettle or bramble bashing, but it’s easy to pick berries naked or mow the lawn. I always wear shoes (maybe just flip flops) and a hat and often gloves so it’s not quite an all over tan! We don’t have neighbours, we live in the French countryside. The only person that I’ve embarrassed was a postman! And yes, I have got a naked gardening photo on my profile because it’s a nice photo (rear view of me digging). Why not? I want to attract someone with similar body confidence.
Anthony is weird though. He doesn’t seem like a normal adult. And I’ve no idea how to dance while gardening.
Yes! The sun feels SO GOOD!
I live bushwalking and enjoy swimming/ hanging out in camp at the end of the day naked, both because being in your own skin is great and it saves on what you have to carry if you can wash your clothes then leave them to dry when you’ve got nothing on.
It’s only weird or uncomfortable if you (or somebody else) makes it so.
A body is, after all, just a body until someone sexualises, fetishises or weaponises it with “modesty rules.”
And no, I’d never put it in a dating profile because it would attract way too many weirdos.
Alas living in the city, I don’t have access to the privacy fence. I like to garden, but I don’t know… I think about the places where I get dirt… I don’t want dirt in some places! Lol.
There is a World Naked Gardening Day, so he is not alone.
Sadly, it isn't warm enough where I live to shed our clothes on Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May), so I hold off until mid-June or even later!
probably a toss up between protection from bugs vs having to wash dirty gardening clothing. He chose bugs.
This is true! I am follow a gardening group on Facebook and there is a nude gardening day where people post photos of themselves gardening in the nude. With strategically placed pot plants, spades and other various gardening implements of course.
I’m sure that people nakedly garden, but Anthony doesn’t seem like a gardener. I think he’s referring to cannabis consumption. Which might explain some of his casual attitude.
Not that I know of in the US of A.. This is not Sweden here btw. And it’s mostly too cold even in Sweden.
It actually is a thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Naked_Gardening_Day
What a day to have eyes.
🤣😂
Dear God, why hast thou forsaken us? And Anthony -- ok I can sort of get why you might have forsaken Anthony but please, would you come back for him? Wrap him in some swaddling weed fabric.
Now back to us. Where are some better men? Please 🤷🏼♀️This forsaking has really got to stop.
And yes Anthony, you would make me really, really uncomfortable. Like Netflix true crime level uncomfortable. Go put your clothes on.
Hair shirts really need to make a comeback …
"A partner that loves people." This is a grammatical structure that makes me crazy, although it's very common. When you refer to people, it's "who." Things are "that." So even though it's a common construction, I find it dehumanizing.
That’s one of my biggest grammatical pet peeves.
Same, but not as bad as 'should of' which gives me seething internal rage.
And you make the excellent point that this isn't just a local colloquialism -- earlier today I read "happened on accident" rather than by accident. I think this is really common in certain areas. But you're spot on -- this has a meaning to it and it's that people (women here) are objects.
Omg I spent years shouting , "It's accidentally or on purpose!!," to various children who never,never, learned.
Is this a southern California thing? A generational thing? I've only ly heard it here in So Cal and usually by millennial and young gen xers.
I don’t understand the logistics of gardening while naked. Sitting or crawling on the ground, climbing ladders with pruning tools in my back pocket (oops no), carrying sacks of compost, etc while naked? Eww! Even clothed, I don’t understand doing those things while dancing. 🕺 Seems like unrelated activities, like sipping coffee in the shower.
Yes my thoughts exactly. He's just pretending to garden while giving everyone else nightmare fuel while he poses, struts and pretends.
Right, and not to mention the OUCH! factor when a thorny rose bush whips back onto a tender body part. Or you bend down and your rear touches a nettle patch. Not to mention you'll be a giant delicious landing strip for biting insects
I came here to say this. That is not smart of him. Don't get me started on the bugs, too. I don't need bugs with free access to my hoo-ha or butt crack. Hard pass dude.
“Gardening” may be a euphemism for cannabis consumption. But I still don’t want to imagine him flopping around while doing so. B2B baby 🔥
😂
And he chooses both monogamy (first) and non-monogamy (second), says he's been monogamous most of his life, and then cryptically says that jealousy is hate's ugly cousin. My read of this is that he's non-monogamous, but he's not saying so until he's snagged some poor unsuspecting woman. Then it'll be, well, I had non-monogamy on my profile, what did you expect?! Faux ENM, or should I say weaponized ENM. And like Kai from yesterday, he probably wants her to be monogamous while he dances about spreading his seed. Yucky
I can see that. My first thought was that his ex in his-idea-of-a-monogamous relationship (she has to be, but he doesn’t) was appropriately pissed off by his actual inappropriate behavior with other women. He just can’t get it through his thick head that doing naked household chores with another woman would make his partner upset; hence, she was “jealous” and quite possibly hates him now. (Yes, I once took a creative writing class in college so I like making up back stories about these ridiculous dating profiles 🤣)
No one who has examined their jealousy refers to it as “ugly.” It’s just an emotion. He hates that part of himself, though.
I think he’s calling his ex’s jealousy ugly, not
his own. He’s too much of a free spirit! 😂🙄
I read it as him calling jealousy, “hate’s ugly cousin.” He didn’t say he’s never jealous, I don’t think.
I think maybe he was referring to an ex, just after he made the switch to non-monogamy.
I’m seeing neither an explicit nor implicit reference to an ex…
Even poly folks deal with jealousy! It isn’t my scene but I know folks in it. I wish them the best but I can only make me and hopefully one other person happy. This guy doesn’t seem able make even himself happy.
I see monogamous (first) and non-monogamous (second) on soooooo many profiles. Automatic B2B for me.
Most men who say they are open to having an open relationship, cannot handle it. I know, I tried loving a non-monogamous lifestyle for a while.
Monogamous most of his life -- meaning that he was non-monogamous between ages 10 and 12.
That is what bothers me. Which one is it my dude? ENM or monogamy? Or is it a contest to make him monogamous.
This reminds me of the “dancing in the kitchen” trope that was #trendingontheapps a while back. Except Anthony has taken it a step too far if he’s cooking while naked. The health department frowns on that. 😂
Many years ago I worked in the Chemistry Industry. I'd stay late to use the computers (I was working on a Master's part time). There was this one guy who would stay late to do experiments and I was stuck babysitting him because of safety rules - we both needed a "Buddy" to be there. Soooo... the company would turn down the AC after hours, and once it started getting warm this guy would strip down to his tighty whiteys. In. The. Lab. Maybe he thought he was doing some sort of Chemistry mating dance outside my office? I never understood why he was so "relaxed" about using hydrochloric acid with not much protecting his manhood. Yes, he was pipetting hydrochloric acid in his tighty whiteys. Thank ALL the gods and goddesses I never had to drag him to the ER with acid burns on his weenie.
OMG...SMH!!! 🤦♀️
Anthony thinks that trimming the hedges makes his deck look bigger. For the life of me I can't imagine who would read his profile and think 'that guy is for me'. Also "non political" in this day and age is a red flag (not sure if he's in the US though).
Maybe a woman, one time, under pressure to say something positive: I feel pretty comfortable with you, I guess . . .
Anthony, probably: I knew it. I am the Chosen One. I come to bring the Gift of my Presence to the world of women. See how they writhe in awkward discomfort because no one is practicing Active Listening with Empathy?
Fear not, gentle idiots, I am here to dance you into comfort with naked gardening! Guess where I keep the pruning shears! Hahahahaha, you’ll never—what’s that? Oh. Yeah, they’re in my butt.
Wheeeee! Are you comfortable yet? No? Come into my kitchen then! I’m Listening so Actively!!
😂🤣😂🤣😂🌿🪴🌱
This one really made me think because for me the toxicity was more subtle than some of the men we have mocked. What stands out most for me is the conditional decency, “when I find my forever person you will have my heart.” That’s signaling for a trauma bond. Old me would have thought, I can do it! I can be Cinderella in this story!
A popular profile I used to see was : “I’m guarded (read: difficult) to let someone in but once I do I’ll give everything.” Real life translation: the goal post will always be changing babe, stick around and give me the full girlfriend experience while I secretly am open to other women AND dangle the YOU COULD BE THE ONE carrot in front of you for as long as you’ll keep hoping for the fairytale ending. Unfortunately wasted years of my life with one of those…..I used to think men were showing up wanting what I wanted—HA…HA….HA……accepting that 99 percent are just bad actors
Performative sensitivity. He'll probably tell you you are a goddess and then tell you all the ways you can improve yourself under the guise of helping you or just trying to make you a better person. I live in a hippie surf town and these types of guys run rampant here. I bet he lives in his van.
This made me laugh out loud - I'm losing my job and about to move into a van!🤣🤣🤣
Very aware I need to improve myself, (many traumas = many faults) but I'm doing that on my own terms.😉
I’m so sorry you lost your job. I know how rough that can be. I hope you find safe places to park while you’re in your van. ❤️
More than anything else, “not political” these days is absolutely unacceptable. The house is burning down and he’s dancing in the garden naked.
As for dancing in the garden naked, as a melanoma survivor I sure hope’s he’s wearing sunscreen.
If someone is unpolitically motivated….automatic B2B
Bwahahahahahaha! Bleh 🤢
🤣
At 55, 11 years single I see this and despite the wonderful 'I found a needle stories' - the amount of labor required to evalate and vet profiles vs the number of needles doesnt add up for me. Call it girl math but I am more and more inclined to spend that time and energy with all the fabulous friends and family, my hobbies, chilling at home and travelling than to waste it on man-boy profiles, conversations amd meets when 99.9% are red flag carrying shit shows. As for intimacy.. well lets just say there are toys for that and they dont require much in return but regulary passive charging!
I could not agree with you more! Was just thinking this the other day while reading about the incredible amount of time and emotional effort it takes to evaluate and weed out a decent partner. I blew ALL my energy trying to make my 30 year marriage work and he was a parade of red flags from the start. I watch from the bleachers now while knitting, working, gardening (clothed), and spending time with good friends whom I trust and trying to help the world be a better place. I realized the presence of an almighty wiener is definitely not worth the cost.
100 %! I love warching and dispair at what I witness. Women tolerate, labour and suffer for trying to be it all and do it all and conform to the internalized misogynistic social norms and regulated patriarchy all the while literally dieing in a world run by men desperately trying to maintain, preserve and perpetuate a system that benifits them alone and I am grateful to have shed the internalization of the systems and learned to love myself enough to step out and build my very best life AND quietly do the work with the women and men in my world.
My 30 yr relationship and all associated responsibilities belonged to me and me alone. I did a damn good job too, partially because I outright refused to also work outside the home. It wasnt sustainable or practical to do both full time jobs. When it became nessesary for me (by choice and circumstance) and i returned to work and began to bump responsibilities back into balanc and expected it to be shared by my wasband all hell broke loose. I quickly ended it and he was shocked. Within weeks he found a new 'mom' and carried on with his weponized incompetence. I identified wonderful opportunites to set myself up for success tho I unfortunately met and dated a covert narc a few years later. Lessons learned and life altering for the better. I have much gratitude for the strong women leading learning and actively working in their own way to create a new norm for women today and in the future. My mother, my daughters and my descendants will benifit enormously.