Break the Ludic Loop and Escape Attractions of Deprivation

Your New Year's Dating Resolutions

Artwork: Andrea Kowch

You don’t need to know what ludic loops or attractions of deprivation are to be caught in them, and if you’re like the vast majority of human beings, you’ve spent a lot of time in each.

First, ludic looping: Natasha Schull, a cultural anthropologist and professor at MIT, has done a lot of work on ludic loops, which are a video gaming pattern observed in which a game has no plot development, no character development, no narrative arc, no beginning, no end --- in other words, getting caught in a ludic loop is *highly relevant” to online dating. The experience of endless swiping creates a simple stimulus-response pattern that releases dopamine (the feel-good hormone) even in a total absence of reward. This is the exact same phenomenon that keeps people playing slot machines for hours on end—even the anticipation of a reward becomes a reward itself on a neurological level.

This pattern is *intentionally* built into dating apps such as Tinder and the like, which are designed to keep you hooked in almost nonstop.

Dr. Michael Merzenich, a neuroscientist and professor at UCSF, explains how the simple act of swiping triggers dopamine release and creates a “chemical positive.” You can listen to his discussion in the podcast linked later in this article, but the important takeaway is that Tinder knows this and perpetuates it; the goal is NOT to find you a good match as quickly as possible. Tinder defines “success” as “more members having more conversations,” but that’s success FOR TINDER, not for people who are truly hoping to find a partner (I’m bashing Tinder because it’s the worst and there’s the most info. on these topics in relation to Tinder, but all dating apps have this effect).

Avoiding ludic looping is about refusing to become a victim of the app, but people can draw us into a similar destructive pattern, and it’s equally important to guard against in app-based dating. The concept is called “attractions of deprivation,” and I’m linking you to two resources to explain it below. I am betting that this concept will resonate with nearly 100% of people who’ve managed to hit the age of 30 or above. Please click on and read the links above, and then come back here to continue . . .

I’ll wait 😊

Okay, let’s keep going . . .

I think these are the important things you need to remember as they pertain to dating:

Getting sucked into ludic loops and AODs (attractions of deprivation) is NOT your fault. You are a human being with a human brain, and human brains are susceptible to such things. HOWEVER, human brains are ALSO capable of understanding how these things work, and this is knowledge that can help protect us from falling victim. The *encouraging* thing here is that the same intellectual flexibility that renders us susceptible to falling into these patterns renders us able to identify and escape them.

We must use that knowledge. All of this is tied into the concept of intermittent reward systems and their potential to both create obsession and to sustain abuse; this has been well-documented in research on rats. The effect of intentionally doling out intermittent rewards is cruel and heartbreaking, but WE ARE NOT RATS.

That’s my final piece of advice about this: do not allow a digital app or a man to turn you into a desperate rat (also no judgement if it happens; we’ve all been there at one point or another, but let’s just try REALLY hard not to stay there or, ideally, not to get there in the first place).

Bibliography for this article:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love/201103/attractions-inspiration-and-attractions-deprivation

https://josephgibson-63985.medium.com/avoid-attractions-of-deprivation-at-all-costs-675ddc605b47

Podcast on Tinder algorithm and design and ludic looping:

Additional readings on ludic loops:

https://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2014/06/07/319560646/stuck-in-the-machine-zone-your-sweet-tooth-for-candy-crush

https://lifehacker.com/use-the-stopping-rule-to-break-your-social-media-loop-1793016571#:~:text=Adam%20Alter%20suggests%20using%20a,space%20you've%20been%20in