🤦♀️ Thank you again. I am so still stumbling and learning. Just this past weekend I was hanging out chatting with a group of men and women. This one man started bickering about how it is unfair to men that if they’re in a relationship with a woman, they have to sign their baby’s birth record in the hospital. He went on and on about how men should always demand a paternity test first, that the mother has no business expecting he’ll be financially responsible for the child without a DNA test first.
I argued back that that is ridiculous, that the state assumes that baby to be your child, you and your partner should have that trust for each other, that if you don’t you have other relationship problems already, and if you have a valid concern of paternity, then say so and get a paternity test done.
He changed the topic.
I so so got the ICK, and I knew it in the moment.
Later he wanted my number, and in a moment of faltering, via text, I gave it to him.
Immediately I regretted it and blocked him. The rest of the evening I avoided him, especially when he became blatant making lots of innuendoes that he wanted to sleep with me.
Afterward I asked myself - why did I give that guy my number?!?? I already knew he gave me the ICK!!!
And then I realized - because I’m programmed to please and stay quiet, to be agreeable when I find myself intimidated, and that guy definitely intimidated me.
I was angry at myself for falling into pattern, glad that at least I had quickly blocked his number, and then I told myself gently but firmly that I had once again learned a lesson that night, and I have got to keep working on trusting myself AND setting my very necessary boundaries.
If someone is that pushy in person, perhaps giving him your number (which you easily blocked👏) kept you safe. In a face-to-face a woman never knows whether a man is violent. To get out of this situation it might have been a good move. Any man is a potential threat and the description of him as “intimidating” in person is such a huge red flag. I say kudos to you, you are safe and you (as am I) are still learning.
It can be hard to push back on a pushy dude especially in person. I had one guy that made a joke about how he is all for feminism so women should pay half. I suppose openly getting the ick from that sounds materialistic. However, I am allowed to not like a joke.
I at least was able to not laugh. He still asked me out. I was down to hang out as pals but eventually told him I am not interested when he was late for that date.
Another angle on this is - when we're paid the same for equal education and work, and have equal opportunities for hiring & promotions (research shows we do not), and when women no longer pay the motherhood tax for needing to downshift their careers to take care of their children while their male partners continue to pursue their careers, pensions/ 401Ks, promotions and other benefits, and when men contribute equally to all the unpaid labor women provide for families - then he can expect equal financial contributions from women.
Alot of them love it when it is convienient 🤷♀️. Even with all bullshit sexism removed we still get pregnant. You can’t 50/50 pregnancy and risking pregnancy.
Do I want a world where women don’t try to look pretty? I don’t know. I know that it is expensive in time and money.
This is so valid. Feeling the ick is usually immediately followed by intimidation. It's almost like men smell us feeling the ick and they seek to crush it like healthy boundaries.
Men never apologize for being turned off by alot of things large and small. The amount of times I’ve had a man say I find this unappealing in a woman as if I should care about appealing to him. Who asked you? Women are allowed to be turned off just because something is unappealing too.
I think the sound of "ick" is a bit like part of the sound of vomiting. So there's that. Women are too picky, you know. Except when their choices turn out poorly, then they should have chosen better.
Recently I had dinner with my son and his best friend (both around 30 y/o). My son's friend complained about his experiences with dating apps ("Women are too picky") and, turning to me, said, "You're a woman. Tell me, what do women want?" This gave me the ICK. Are all women one big homogeneous group, so that all women want one thing that can be defined in a single sentence? (Although Aretha Franklin did answer this question with one word, "Respect".) I used to really like that guy (I've known him since he was with my son in first grade). But since that conversation, I got the ick, and it totally changed my perception of his personality.
Just…the hate for Hillary Clinton (even now?!) is over the top. While she was running, I went out of my way to learn more about her, her ideas, her struggles, and her values. I admire her, not least because she remained steady, even as THE target of patriarchal witch-burning. Unfortunately, plenty of progressives and women hate her, too.
She has taken the fall for Bill’s problems, Democrats problems, the US’s problems, etc etc etc.
But if you actually listen to what she has to say, dig into her ideas for helping real people, and research her history (e.g. trying to establish health-care-for-all in the 1990s), she is an admirable person. Hatred of her, becomes hatred for us all.
Thank you, Jennie! Your reference to the Glamour Magazine article helped me understand something about myself. A few months ago, I broke up with a man who displayed several of your red flags (most notably the disciplinary/directive one). But rather than telling him that I'm not interested, I waited for him to cancel a date (because he imagined that I'm ill based on a random cough) to tell him that this appears to be a persistent cough, so I don't think we'll be able to date soon, and we might as well break it off. Why did I do that? Couldn't I have just told him that I've changed my mind and was not interested in dating him anymore? It was a combination of being trained to always please others, and a fear of the repercussions of getting men angry. This wasn't a conscious act on my side, and this article helped me explain my unconscious motives to myself.
This makes total sense to me. When I was on the apps, if I wanted to end it with a guy I just told him I'd fallen in love with another guy, even though that was never true. The truth is that the only thing toxic men actually respect is other men, and the only boundary they'll actually recognize is the boundary made out of another man. It's stupid, but I decided if it's going to be this way then I would use it to my own advantage and safety.
Interesting and when I think about it, it's true. It happens in many situations, once when I took my car in for new tires and my now deceased husband called ahead and told them what I needed. He new the guy at the shop very well. When I got there he tried to get me to buy more and more. I called home and put the guy on the phone. He sheepishly looked at me and stopped. He had the boundary you mentioned of another man. I feel intimidated in those situations. The men are most usually bigger and they physically look down on me being 5'2. Those situations are ICK
Can’t wait to look up the 2 words you reference and well done on part 2. So tired of gaslighting and trivializing women. Lately I’ve been thinking about how my kindness is so often misinterpreted as weakness.
Long story short . . . three-plus years ago, after a couple of ick-inducing interactions, I set a "don't contact me" boundary with a guy I'd dated DECADES ago. He honored this for a couple of years, but then sent me a card last month with $20 cash, asking me to send him a copy of my most recent book. Two big icks: a) the broken boundary and b) the $20 was insufficient for the book cost plus shipping. I stewed for about a day and then simply I returned his card and his stinkin' cash and on the inside of his card in red ink, I wrote NO. Not "no, thank you" — just NO. In red ink! VERY satisfying.
I once got the ick on a first date when my date used his fingers to wipe up sauce on a plate and licked his fingers. Is this the original ick - things that are gross - or is there a convoluted path from this to abusive behavior?
Not necessarily abusive, but potentially unhealthy? There's a lot of theory that posits we're afraid of/disgusted by things that are biologically threatening. For example, many people have a phobia of hexagon patterns (like to the degree that they'll vomit if they see one), and the theory is that our ancestors were wired to fear this because it's seen in things like beehives, which you don't want to stick your face in. Licking one's fingers off a restaurant table is sort of inherently gross in a potential-for-contagion kind of way, so maybe that's why it turned you off, and that doesn't seem superficial to me.
That man has no respect - for either himself or for others. He has zero empathy (how do others feel when I do this?) and is probably also a public nose-picker. He is impulsive, has no self-control, and just does whatever childish thing he feels in the moment.
you are allowed to not want to date a cave man that embarrasses you in public. And is shows a lack of social graciousness. Who knows what other problems were there if that's his on his best first date behavior.
That behaviour actually reminds me of my dad. He'd never lick his fingers in public, but I once got in a fight with him over wanting to bring his dog to our yearly Christmas beach outing. It's a dog free beach, which I explained to him but he didn't care. He thought it was fine, and didn't want to leave the dog home alone. He couldn't / didn't want to understand that others would be affected by the dog being there. That it was socially unacceptable. That the rest of the family would be uncomfortable. That we'd likely have to deal with the police on Christmas day (and he'd likely have got in an argument with them).
Just no capacity to see anything from another person's POV or have 'appropriate social awareness'.
I think it’s entirely fair that when men demand that we pay half, we oblige with a maximum of 35-40% of the bill which equates to the disparity between what we are paid versus what men are paid for similar jobs. When the gender wage gap and the time-out childbirth career handicap is eliminated entirely in practice, we can pay half.
I just remembered that I dated this guy for 5 1/2 years who after the third date, gave me the Ick. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she said that I should “just give him a chance”. So I did. For 5 1/2 years! The time length is definitely on me.
Now he never beat me or abused me or anything like that. However, he did turn out to be a bit of a hobosexual who really wanted a mommy. I was stuck with him on weekends every weekend whether I wanted him there or not. That was what wound up happening. I was struggling to make ends meet and somehow he wound up spending my money. Granted this was on me as well. I am not blaming him for everything (I clearly had boundary issues and didn’t know what I wanted/needed in a partner), but when I thought I should’ve ended it the first time, I should have. Also, the second, third, 110th…
I told a therapist about a very weird incident with a boyfriend, said I needed to dump him, and she talked me out of it. Said she didn’t want me to break up with him just yet because she wanted to make sure I wasn’t being avoidant. The story is too long to go into here, but it was all red flags and she should have had my back, not gotten me to stay another 8 months while he continued to get more and more abusive.
We were at Olive Garden. He asked what I was ordering. I said salmon. Asked him what he was ordering, he said fish and chips. Not remembering fish and chips on the menu, I looked at both sides of it, then looked questioningly at him. He then said “It’s not ON the menu. I just say fish and chips when people ask me what I’m ordering because it’s IRRITATING to be asked what I’m ordering.” Right after he’d asked me what I was ordering.
I was hurt and confused and dissociating at that point, and he then says angrily “If you don’t want to be here with me, I’ll take you home. I’m not about FORCE, you know.” I couldn’t even speak, it was so disorienting. I ended up ordering a salad rather than an entree because I felt sick to my stomach, and he got angry I was only ordering a salad.
Later on, he told me he hated being asked what he’s ordering, because people ask him what he’s getting and then they order something else. He found a way to make the normal process of everyone asking everyone else what they are ordering into some sort of personal insult.
OK, your Shrink was a total asshole. That is some weird ass behavior. In my situation, the ick was much more subtle. In fact, I’m not even sure to this day what tipped me off. It was probably something relating to money, but I no longer remember. I just knew that I shouldn’t be with this person for the long haul. But like an ass, I tried it anyway. But you know that’s OK. Live and learn. Seriously though that therapist should be boiled in oil. Any man treated me like that on a first day or any date for that matter… Good Lord.
I personally think that therapy should be illegal to work on one-sided relationship issues. If it's relationship stuff, both parties should be there (aka couples therapy, where they can actually see some of the real patterns), cuz otherwise therapists chronically invalidate and minimize the woman. I had an ex that would grab at my body for sex until I gave up fighting and gave in the therapist just said "yeah guys do that" and gave me ideas for me to help him better regulate his emotions. Then years later a girlfriend explains to me that that's sexual abuse but the PhD therapist gave terrible advice to try to "make it work."
I believe it. I only did a little with one guy that was so obviously bad that it did help; but if it was more nuanced I'm sure it could have been a different experience.
I would actually encourage women to leave men when they have the ick for any reason, including something trivial like using the wrong fork. We don't need to have a man in our lives. If using the wrong fork or chewing food funny has you pressed enough to release him, you've either dodged a bullet who doesn't know how to comport himself in public or have done him a favor by sparing him your constant judgment. Either way, win!
My ex (who was abusive) described his exes as crazy because they broke up with him based off their silly women’s intuition.” They had the ICK and he dismissed it. So I ignored my ICK to gain his approval and prove I was different from those other women. Lesson learned.
🤦♀️ Thank you again. I am so still stumbling and learning. Just this past weekend I was hanging out chatting with a group of men and women. This one man started bickering about how it is unfair to men that if they’re in a relationship with a woman, they have to sign their baby’s birth record in the hospital. He went on and on about how men should always demand a paternity test first, that the mother has no business expecting he’ll be financially responsible for the child without a DNA test first.
I argued back that that is ridiculous, that the state assumes that baby to be your child, you and your partner should have that trust for each other, that if you don’t you have other relationship problems already, and if you have a valid concern of paternity, then say so and get a paternity test done.
He changed the topic.
I so so got the ICK, and I knew it in the moment.
Later he wanted my number, and in a moment of faltering, via text, I gave it to him.
Immediately I regretted it and blocked him. The rest of the evening I avoided him, especially when he became blatant making lots of innuendoes that he wanted to sleep with me.
Afterward I asked myself - why did I give that guy my number?!?? I already knew he gave me the ICK!!!
And then I realized - because I’m programmed to please and stay quiet, to be agreeable when I find myself intimidated, and that guy definitely intimidated me.
I was angry at myself for falling into pattern, glad that at least I had quickly blocked his number, and then I told myself gently but firmly that I had once again learned a lesson that night, and I have got to keep working on trusting myself AND setting my very necessary boundaries.
It's always a process, never a one-step flipping of the switch. ❤️
If someone is that pushy in person, perhaps giving him your number (which you easily blocked👏) kept you safe. In a face-to-face a woman never knows whether a man is violent. To get out of this situation it might have been a good move. Any man is a potential threat and the description of him as “intimidating” in person is such a huge red flag. I say kudos to you, you are safe and you (as am I) are still learning.
BTW, in the future you can give a Google voice #.
Why give ICKY men anything?
That is a good point too. Thank you for that - I’ll think about it.
It can be hard to push back on a pushy dude especially in person. I had one guy that made a joke about how he is all for feminism so women should pay half. I suppose openly getting the ick from that sounds materialistic. However, I am allowed to not like a joke.
I at least was able to not laugh. He still asked me out. I was down to hang out as pals but eventually told him I am not interested when he was late for that date.
Another angle on this is - when we're paid the same for equal education and work, and have equal opportunities for hiring & promotions (research shows we do not), and when women no longer pay the motherhood tax for needing to downshift their careers to take care of their children while their male partners continue to pursue their careers, pensions/ 401Ks, promotions and other benefits, and when men contribute equally to all the unpaid labor women provide for families - then he can expect equal financial contributions from women.
A lady is also allowed to find stingy men unappealing. I wasn’t raised to be stingy with friends or family.
I’m glad you also found your way to speak up for yourself, even if it took you a while too.
Yeah, that feminism so women should pay half thing - a lot of men think they’re so creative with that line… 🙄
Solidarity! We continue to learn to find our bravery and set boundaries for ourselves!
Alot of them love it when it is convienient 🤷♀️. Even with all bullshit sexism removed we still get pregnant. You can’t 50/50 pregnancy and risking pregnancy.
Do I want a world where women don’t try to look pretty? I don’t know. I know that it is expensive in time and money.
This is so valid. Feeling the ick is usually immediately followed by intimidation. It's almost like men smell us feeling the ick and they seek to crush it like healthy boundaries.
That is so true now that you say it. I’m going to start paying more attention to that in real time!
Ha! I very intentionally left his name OFF my daughter’s birth certificate so we wouldn’t be stuck with him for life! Best decision I’ve ever made.
If you already knew he was a bad idea then, and he didn’t want to claim paternity at that point in time - that sounds very prudent of you!
Men never apologize for being turned off by alot of things large and small. The amount of times I’ve had a man say I find this unappealing in a woman as if I should care about appealing to him. Who asked you? Women are allowed to be turned off just because something is unappealing too.
I think the sound of "ick" is a bit like part of the sound of vomiting. So there's that. Women are too picky, you know. Except when their choices turn out poorly, then they should have chosen better.
excellent points!
Ya, interesting that both Picky and the Ick are used against women.
>the sound of vomiting.
Especially, the sound of a cat vomiting a hairball.
They just believe whatever they want
So true.
Recently I had dinner with my son and his best friend (both around 30 y/o). My son's friend complained about his experiences with dating apps ("Women are too picky") and, turning to me, said, "You're a woman. Tell me, what do women want?" This gave me the ICK. Are all women one big homogeneous group, so that all women want one thing that can be defined in a single sentence? (Although Aretha Franklin did answer this question with one word, "Respect".) I used to really like that guy (I've known him since he was with my son in first grade). But since that conversation, I got the ick, and it totally changed my perception of his personality.
My brother asked me why women only go for “bad boys,” and I must say I lost some respect for him.
Example of a woman being misinterpreted:
Just…the hate for Hillary Clinton (even now?!) is over the top. While she was running, I went out of my way to learn more about her, her ideas, her struggles, and her values. I admire her, not least because she remained steady, even as THE target of patriarchal witch-burning. Unfortunately, plenty of progressives and women hate her, too.
She has taken the fall for Bill’s problems, Democrats problems, the US’s problems, etc etc etc.
But if you actually listen to what she has to say, dig into her ideas for helping real people, and research her history (e.g. trying to establish health-care-for-all in the 1990s), she is an admirable person. Hatred of her, becomes hatred for us all.
Thank you, Jennie! Your reference to the Glamour Magazine article helped me understand something about myself. A few months ago, I broke up with a man who displayed several of your red flags (most notably the disciplinary/directive one). But rather than telling him that I'm not interested, I waited for him to cancel a date (because he imagined that I'm ill based on a random cough) to tell him that this appears to be a persistent cough, so I don't think we'll be able to date soon, and we might as well break it off. Why did I do that? Couldn't I have just told him that I've changed my mind and was not interested in dating him anymore? It was a combination of being trained to always please others, and a fear of the repercussions of getting men angry. This wasn't a conscious act on my side, and this article helped me explain my unconscious motives to myself.
This makes total sense to me. When I was on the apps, if I wanted to end it with a guy I just told him I'd fallen in love with another guy, even though that was never true. The truth is that the only thing toxic men actually respect is other men, and the only boundary they'll actually recognize is the boundary made out of another man. It's stupid, but I decided if it's going to be this way then I would use it to my own advantage and safety.
Interesting and when I think about it, it's true. It happens in many situations, once when I took my car in for new tires and my now deceased husband called ahead and told them what I needed. He new the guy at the shop very well. When I got there he tried to get me to buy more and more. I called home and put the guy on the phone. He sheepishly looked at me and stopped. He had the boundary you mentioned of another man. I feel intimidated in those situations. The men are most usually bigger and they physically look down on me being 5'2. Those situations are ICK
Found this reel where the response to the 2nd question (what animal he likes and why) gave the “ick” and also a good gatekeeper question: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18xXk1kpwu/?mibextid=wwXIfr
WOW. That butterfly bit was so revealing!
Wow! This was amazing. Thank you for sharing. Now I need to go process my admiration of jaguars 😅
Holy SHIT how are those interpretations of those questions so accurate???
Ending was so funny! I am so using that!
Can’t wait to look up the 2 words you reference and well done on part 2. So tired of gaslighting and trivializing women. Lately I’ve been thinking about how my kindness is so often misinterpreted as weakness.
Long story short . . . three-plus years ago, after a couple of ick-inducing interactions, I set a "don't contact me" boundary with a guy I'd dated DECADES ago. He honored this for a couple of years, but then sent me a card last month with $20 cash, asking me to send him a copy of my most recent book. Two big icks: a) the broken boundary and b) the $20 was insufficient for the book cost plus shipping. I stewed for about a day and then simply I returned his card and his stinkin' cash and on the inside of his card in red ink, I wrote NO. Not "no, thank you" — just NO. In red ink! VERY satisfying.
I once got the ick on a first date when my date used his fingers to wipe up sauce on a plate and licked his fingers. Is this the original ick - things that are gross - or is there a convoluted path from this to abusive behavior?
Not necessarily abusive, but potentially unhealthy? There's a lot of theory that posits we're afraid of/disgusted by things that are biologically threatening. For example, many people have a phobia of hexagon patterns (like to the degree that they'll vomit if they see one), and the theory is that our ancestors were wired to fear this because it's seen in things like beehives, which you don't want to stick your face in. Licking one's fingers off a restaurant table is sort of inherently gross in a potential-for-contagion kind of way, so maybe that's why it turned you off, and that doesn't seem superficial to me.
That is just unhygenic and rude. A lady is allowed to be turned off by a lack of manners and hygene.
That man has no respect - for either himself or for others. He has zero empathy (how do others feel when I do this?) and is probably also a public nose-picker. He is impulsive, has no self-control, and just does whatever childish thing he feels in the moment.
You had a 100% legitimate ICK.
you are allowed to not want to date a cave man that embarrasses you in public. And is shows a lack of social graciousness. Who knows what other problems were there if that's his on his best first date behavior.
That behaviour actually reminds me of my dad. He'd never lick his fingers in public, but I once got in a fight with him over wanting to bring his dog to our yearly Christmas beach outing. It's a dog free beach, which I explained to him but he didn't care. He thought it was fine, and didn't want to leave the dog home alone. He couldn't / didn't want to understand that others would be affected by the dog being there. That it was socially unacceptable. That the rest of the family would be uncomfortable. That we'd likely have to deal with the police on Christmas day (and he'd likely have got in an argument with them).
Just no capacity to see anything from another person's POV or have 'appropriate social awareness'.
He was abusive, FYI.
I think it’s entirely fair that when men demand that we pay half, we oblige with a maximum of 35-40% of the bill which equates to the disparity between what we are paid versus what men are paid for similar jobs. When the gender wage gap and the time-out childbirth career handicap is eliminated entirely in practice, we can pay half.
I just remembered that I dated this guy for 5 1/2 years who after the third date, gave me the Ick. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she said that I should “just give him a chance”. So I did. For 5 1/2 years! The time length is definitely on me.
Now he never beat me or abused me or anything like that. However, he did turn out to be a bit of a hobosexual who really wanted a mommy. I was stuck with him on weekends every weekend whether I wanted him there or not. That was what wound up happening. I was struggling to make ends meet and somehow he wound up spending my money. Granted this was on me as well. I am not blaming him for everything (I clearly had boundary issues and didn’t know what I wanted/needed in a partner), but when I thought I should’ve ended it the first time, I should have. Also, the second, third, 110th…
I told a therapist about a very weird incident with a boyfriend, said I needed to dump him, and she talked me out of it. Said she didn’t want me to break up with him just yet because she wanted to make sure I wasn’t being avoidant. The story is too long to go into here, but it was all red flags and she should have had my back, not gotten me to stay another 8 months while he continued to get more and more abusive.
This makes me blood boil, and it's EXACTLY the kind of experience I'm addressing in Part 3 of this series. Please stay tuned!
Well, heck, now I want to tell the story.
We were at Olive Garden. He asked what I was ordering. I said salmon. Asked him what he was ordering, he said fish and chips. Not remembering fish and chips on the menu, I looked at both sides of it, then looked questioningly at him. He then said “It’s not ON the menu. I just say fish and chips when people ask me what I’m ordering because it’s IRRITATING to be asked what I’m ordering.” Right after he’d asked me what I was ordering.
I was hurt and confused and dissociating at that point, and he then says angrily “If you don’t want to be here with me, I’ll take you home. I’m not about FORCE, you know.” I couldn’t even speak, it was so disorienting. I ended up ordering a salad rather than an entree because I felt sick to my stomach, and he got angry I was only ordering a salad.
Later on, he told me he hated being asked what he’s ordering, because people ask him what he’s getting and then they order something else. He found a way to make the normal process of everyone asking everyone else what they are ordering into some sort of personal insult.
OK, your Shrink was a total asshole. That is some weird ass behavior. In my situation, the ick was much more subtle. In fact, I’m not even sure to this day what tipped me off. It was probably something relating to money, but I no longer remember. I just knew that I shouldn’t be with this person for the long haul. But like an ass, I tried it anyway. But you know that’s OK. Live and learn. Seriously though that therapist should be boiled in oil. Any man treated me like that on a first day or any date for that matter… Good Lord.
I personally think that therapy should be illegal to work on one-sided relationship issues. If it's relationship stuff, both parties should be there (aka couples therapy, where they can actually see some of the real patterns), cuz otherwise therapists chronically invalidate and minimize the woman. I had an ex that would grab at my body for sex until I gave up fighting and gave in the therapist just said "yeah guys do that" and gave me ideas for me to help him better regulate his emotions. Then years later a girlfriend explains to me that that's sexual abuse but the PhD therapist gave terrible advice to try to "make it work."
“Yeah. Guys do that”
They’re called rapists.
That’s a bad therapist, but couples counseling hurts women and helps men for many if the same reasons. Zawn Villines explains it well: https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-couples-counseling-so-often-makes?r=fbisv&utm_medium=ios
I believe it. I only did a little with one guy that was so obviously bad that it did help; but if it was more nuanced I'm sure it could have been a different experience.
Missing words?? "...*in ways* that are misleading, trivializing, twisted, and dangerous."
Fixed it, THANK YOU! ❤️
I would actually encourage women to leave men when they have the ick for any reason, including something trivial like using the wrong fork. We don't need to have a man in our lives. If using the wrong fork or chewing food funny has you pressed enough to release him, you've either dodged a bullet who doesn't know how to comport himself in public or have done him a favor by sparing him your constant judgment. Either way, win!
My ex (who was abusive) described his exes as crazy because they broke up with him based off their silly women’s intuition.” They had the ICK and he dismissed it. So I ignored my ICK to gain his approval and prove I was different from those other women. Lesson learned.