I am a dog person, and yet I totally agree. and somewhat of a non-sequitor: I was told by my now ex early into our dating that some of the aspects of my online profile made me seem like an acerbic feminist and I started censoring myself. I wish I had known about this method at the time. I would've blocked and burned, instead I gave that insecure man 4 years of my attention...
In my dating profile last year, I wrote that I was 100% cat with all the qualities. It was in response to the hundreds of photos I saw of men with dogs.
I wanted to ensure that if a man bothered to read my profile, he would know that I’m not going to be anything like “man’s best friend”.
I'm also 100% cat and have three cats. I used to have cats, dogs, and chickens, but I prefer just cats.
One of my B2B is a man who has his dog in all photos. You know that guy is going to insist on having his dog to your house AND you're a third wheel in that relationship. My couch is white and walls are pale pink, you're dog is not invited. Also, imagine how dirty his house is.
Nothing wrong with having your own boundaries and preferences with who you choose to date, but I think assuming that someone’s house is going to be dirty because they have a dog is just as much of a wild assumption as people make about women with cats. There are men with dogs with dirty houses, which wouldn’t be my preference, but there are men with dogs with clean houses too. I have cats and a dog (granted, a five pound dog) and the cats make so much more of a mess than the dog does.
I understand this. If they have lots of pics with the dog/s or say something like “my dog is my world”, then I also B2B. From my experience, everything will revolve around the dog and its needs, including at the expense of my cats that are just meant to adjust to it. If you know it won’t work for you, agree on B2B!
Love this, especially as a woman whose two adorable cats make my day, every day.
I’m thinking about how men desperately try to get us to censor ourselves before they’ve even met us. In dating profiles, I always include a picture of myself wearing a black t-shirt that says “Feminist” in big gold letters.
I can’t tell you how many men have jumped into my inbox to tell me that I’d “get more likes” if I took down that picture.
It’s too much work to explain to them that I have more “likes” than I can handle, and that the picture is actually a deterrent and is there for the express purpose of weeding out nimrods who would be put off by such a picture (plus, Burned Haystack Dating Method has helped me to understand that I’m not responsible for educating bottom-feeders).
There's definitely an uptick in this kind of behavior. Just this week, I've had two men match with me just to let me know in their messages that despite my attractiveness, I will be "single forever" because of my leftist ideals. And to please stop giving away their tax dollars to other countries. I think we're getting through. 😉😁
They were doing this back in 2021 when I last tried apps. I am very vocally Childfree and I would never match with a man who indicated he had or wanted kids.
I had more matches than I knew what to do with, but at least two of them matched with me just to tell me that we wouldn’t be a match because they have kids. It was so weird, it was like they thought I would regret my life choices just because now I can’t go on a date with them.
I know that we're not supposed to respond to stupid comments from men, but it seems like a response such as your comment (oh, I'm so bummed that I made those life choices and now can't date you - hahaha) would be perfect...and, then block them!
Same! Although I’m not using the apps at the moment, my profile clearly states a lot of things about me and that I am not going to change those things.
I’ve even said that I’m not broken and don’t need fixing.
Yet still, the messages came that I should grow my short hair, I should stop x,y,z, I should be this that or the other. I will regret x,y,z. I should change this or that. Block. Block. Block. Block. Block. Delete App.
Great idea! I just received my "Radical Feminist" t-shirt yesterday and was planning to post a picture of me wearing it at my next protest. I figured pictures were worth a thousand words!
I LOVE my anger, I have made friends with her, she rises up when things are wrong and I no longer hush her. The woman with internalized misogyny has spent her life quieting her own voice, sitting patiently in the corner, waiting to be picked and reducing the quality and quantity of her own life. It is alright to get mad, burn bridges and not accommodate men's bad behavior.
I just want to add that my cats are available to be part of your virtual cat lady clowder as well. I have 2 orange boys, who love to give headbumps and happily greet anyone who comes to the door, and this gal, who'd probably love to reply to dudes who match with women on dating apps just to tell them they'd "get more likes" if they were doormats: https://www.flickr.com/photos/caitlinburke/51569914307/in/datetaken/
I divorced a man and he informed me I wouldn’t be able to “maintain” my animal loving lifestyle without him. Never make a woman choose between her pets or a man. He will lose EVERY. Damn. Time. Bye Boi😂
Years ago I had become disabled suddenly from an accident. I live in the US and they really aren’t social safety nets for people without children, so I ended up homeless with my cat. My ex-boyfriend, who I was still friendly with, told me I could come live with him if I got rid of my cat. Absolutely not. I stayed with my mom instead.
Aww. I have it on good authority that's NOT the case but good on you for sticking to your guns!
As I said to an ex about this topic when he had the oblivion to mention he had a previous girlfriend get rid of her dog: "The dog was here before you and the dog will be here after you!" LOL
The "Why would you lead with that?" comment is the first cousin to "Well, what was she wearing?".
In my dating profile, I use phrases like 'feral feminist', and have led with "I lean so far left, I'm lucky I can fit thru a doorway" - all in an effort to be crystal clear about my personality and underlying beliefs. There have been a few men who felt the need to educate(?) me about how to attract a man. This never ends well for them - usually ending up as a screenshot so my friends can have a good laugh.
I have agreed to cat-sit a foster cat. She will come to us in two weeks. If all goes well, we will keep her.
And if that happens (and if I ever go back on the apps), I will include her in my profile to repel men like Eric.
Loving cats isn't just for single women. My nine-year-old son loves cats. He is kind, gentle, patient and loving. We can't wait to welcome a kitty to our home!
Have fun with your foster kitty-l hope it works out.
I have to laugh at the stereotype that only women like cats, or only liberals do. I’m in a blue city in the middle of a much more conservative area and virtually all of the contractors and service guys who’ve helped me with house stuff recently have told me about their cats after they realized I had a few
I know, the stereotype is ridiculous! 😂 Thanks for your kind thoughts, I know our kitty has been through a lot so I hope we're able to create a home where she feels safe. 💓
This is why I appreciate you Jennie. You take a comment that gives me a feeling that helps me know I don't like it and you explain why. I truly appreciate it!
Unfortunately reading this profile today has given me an Existential Epiphany: If you’re a single cat lady you are STILL IN THE SERVICE OF LITTLE FURRY CONSERVATIVE MEN. Just think about this - they demand we get up early in the morning to feed them, we literally clean their toilets, they lie on top of us for hours at night in uncomfortable positions…! We’re damned, ladies.
I am a dog person, and yet I totally agree. and somewhat of a non-sequitor: I was told by my now ex early into our dating that some of the aspects of my online profile made me seem like an acerbic feminist and I started censoring myself. I wish I had known about this method at the time. I would've blocked and burned, instead I gave that insecure man 4 years of my attention...
same, same, I've spent a lot of time hiding my feminism cuz, ya know, internalized misogyny, and it's exhausting to put it out front all the time.
In my dating profile last year, I wrote that I was 100% cat with all the qualities. It was in response to the hundreds of photos I saw of men with dogs.
I wanted to ensure that if a man bothered to read my profile, he would know that I’m not going to be anything like “man’s best friend”.
I'm also 100% cat and have three cats. I used to have cats, dogs, and chickens, but I prefer just cats.
One of my B2B is a man who has his dog in all photos. You know that guy is going to insist on having his dog to your house AND you're a third wheel in that relationship. My couch is white and walls are pale pink, you're dog is not invited. Also, imagine how dirty his house is.
Nothing wrong with having your own boundaries and preferences with who you choose to date, but I think assuming that someone’s house is going to be dirty because they have a dog is just as much of a wild assumption as people make about women with cats. There are men with dogs with dirty houses, which wouldn’t be my preference, but there are men with dogs with clean houses too. I have cats and a dog (granted, a five pound dog) and the cats make so much more of a mess than the dog does.
I understand this. If they have lots of pics with the dog/s or say something like “my dog is my world”, then I also B2B. From my experience, everything will revolve around the dog and its needs, including at the expense of my cats that are just meant to adjust to it. If you know it won’t work for you, agree on B2B!
Love this, especially as a woman whose two adorable cats make my day, every day.
I’m thinking about how men desperately try to get us to censor ourselves before they’ve even met us. In dating profiles, I always include a picture of myself wearing a black t-shirt that says “Feminist” in big gold letters.
I can’t tell you how many men have jumped into my inbox to tell me that I’d “get more likes” if I took down that picture.
It’s too much work to explain to them that I have more “likes” than I can handle, and that the picture is actually a deterrent and is there for the express purpose of weeding out nimrods who would be put off by such a picture (plus, Burned Haystack Dating Method has helped me to understand that I’m not responsible for educating bottom-feeders).
Sigh.
This is delicious irony, that their "helpful tips" can be used as immediate weed-out factors. Thanks, guys!
There's definitely an uptick in this kind of behavior. Just this week, I've had two men match with me just to let me know in their messages that despite my attractiveness, I will be "single forever" because of my leftist ideals. And to please stop giving away their tax dollars to other countries. I think we're getting through. 😉😁
They were doing this back in 2021 when I last tried apps. I am very vocally Childfree and I would never match with a man who indicated he had or wanted kids.
I had more matches than I knew what to do with, but at least two of them matched with me just to tell me that we wouldn’t be a match because they have kids. It was so weird, it was like they thought I would regret my life choices just because now I can’t go on a date with them.
Oh that's exactly what they thought, and that they just HAD to say out loud to you...
Those were some high-level narcissists.
I know that we're not supposed to respond to stupid comments from men, but it seems like a response such as your comment (oh, I'm so bummed that I made those life choices and now can't date you - hahaha) would be perfect...and, then block them!
They are exhausting
Same! Although I’m not using the apps at the moment, my profile clearly states a lot of things about me and that I am not going to change those things.
I’ve even said that I’m not broken and don’t need fixing.
Yet still, the messages came that I should grow my short hair, I should stop x,y,z, I should be this that or the other. I will regret x,y,z. I should change this or that. Block. Block. Block. Block. Block. Delete App.
Me too! Suddenly men are liking me just to tell me my politics are wrong.
“I thought you were so pretty and interesting but then I saw that you support … blah blah blah.”
Next time I get one, I'm just going to tell him he's screaming into the void. LMAO
I've gotten this many times from conservative jerk-wads. Obviously terrified.
Great idea! I just received my "Radical Feminist" t-shirt yesterday and was planning to post a picture of me wearing it at my next protest. I figured pictures were worth a thousand words!
where do I get my shirt?
My favorite is from Diana Kane: https://www.dianakane.com/collections/feministgold
I couldn't find a size chart on the website, so I hope my rose gold feminist T shirt fits! It should be here soon. Thanks for the tip, Julie!
red bubble has a lot of bad ass feminist tee shirts.
This is a great idea!
I LOVE my anger, I have made friends with her, she rises up when things are wrong and I no longer hush her. The woman with internalized misogyny has spent her life quieting her own voice, sitting patiently in the corner, waiting to be picked and reducing the quality and quantity of her own life. It is alright to get mad, burn bridges and not accommodate men's bad behavior.
“ I LOVE my anger, I have made friends with her, she rises up when things are wrong and I no longer hush her.”
I absolutely love what you wrote! That sentence is so incredibly powerful!
I am so glad that was helpful! :)
heck (for the censors) yeah!
After reading this, I am especially bummed that I am highly allergic to cats and can never have one. I love cats and their "independent woman" vibes!!
Jolene (my cat) says that you may be her "honorary person" from a distance so that she doesn't make you sneeze! She is grateful for your support 😻
I just want to add that my cats are available to be part of your virtual cat lady clowder as well. I have 2 orange boys, who love to give headbumps and happily greet anyone who comes to the door, and this gal, who'd probably love to reply to dudes who match with women on dating apps just to tell them they'd "get more likes" if they were doormats: https://www.flickr.com/photos/caitlinburke/51569914307/in/datetaken/
I divorced a man and he informed me I wouldn’t be able to “maintain” my animal loving lifestyle without him. Never make a woman choose between her pets or a man. He will lose EVERY. Damn. Time. Bye Boi😂
Years ago I had become disabled suddenly from an accident. I live in the US and they really aren’t social safety nets for people without children, so I ended up homeless with my cat. My ex-boyfriend, who I was still friendly with, told me I could come live with him if I got rid of my cat. Absolutely not. I stayed with my mom instead.
I'm sorry you went thru that, I'm voting for social safety net every. single. time.
Aww. I have it on good authority that's NOT the case but good on you for sticking to your guns!
As I said to an ex about this topic when he had the oblivion to mention he had a previous girlfriend get rid of her dog: "The dog was here before you and the dog will be here after you!" LOL
What is that supposed to mean? That you can't financially care for your pets or?
That's what I took it to mean.
The "Why would you lead with that?" comment is the first cousin to "Well, what was she wearing?".
In my dating profile, I use phrases like 'feral feminist', and have led with "I lean so far left, I'm lucky I can fit thru a doorway" - all in an effort to be crystal clear about my personality and underlying beliefs. There have been a few men who felt the need to educate(?) me about how to attract a man. This never ends well for them - usually ending up as a screenshot so my friends can have a good laugh.
ok I'm ordering a shirt and taking a new profile pic with both of my cats and maybe I need a pointy black hat too!
Nimrods…. 😂😂😂 I am officially resurrecting that word from the archives of my brain.
LOL. I repeated it over and over after reading it, too.
I have agreed to cat-sit a foster cat. She will come to us in two weeks. If all goes well, we will keep her.
And if that happens (and if I ever go back on the apps), I will include her in my profile to repel men like Eric.
Loving cats isn't just for single women. My nine-year-old son loves cats. He is kind, gentle, patient and loving. We can't wait to welcome a kitty to our home!
Have fun with your foster kitty-l hope it works out.
I have to laugh at the stereotype that only women like cats, or only liberals do. I’m in a blue city in the middle of a much more conservative area and virtually all of the contractors and service guys who’ve helped me with house stuff recently have told me about their cats after they realized I had a few
I know, the stereotype is ridiculous! 😂 Thanks for your kind thoughts, I know our kitty has been through a lot so I hope we're able to create a home where she feels safe. 💓
Thanks for including the memes! 😂
This is why I appreciate you Jennie. You take a comment that gives me a feeling that helps me know I don't like it and you explain why. I truly appreciate it!
Brilliant analysis. Thank you
I want the last sentence on a T-Shirt! ❤️😅
I had to go back and re-read it. "Cats Rule, and Fuck the Patriarchy!"
Genius analysis. Love it.
Absolutely brilliant, thank you for your analysis! I am learning so much I wish I had known years ago!!!
Unfortunately reading this profile today has given me an Existential Epiphany: If you’re a single cat lady you are STILL IN THE SERVICE OF LITTLE FURRY CONSERVATIVE MEN. Just think about this - they demand we get up early in the morning to feed them, we literally clean their toilets, they lie on top of us for hours at night in uncomfortable positions…! We’re damned, ladies.