Drama free really irks me most. So you want a 100% happy person, someone light, care-free. DTF, no strings, no humanity, no core. The other thing that drives me crazy is they don't know what type of relationship they want so either put they don't know, or they put absolutely anything. Looking for short, open to long - who is actively seeking a break up sooner than later? That's weird to me. Or, looking for: long term, friendship, hookup, short term... Monogamy, nonmonogamy. What does this mean? You have zero standards and will take anything that comes along and has a pulse, who is, oh, drama-free of course. And lastly, "moderate" or no political listing/indifferent. Red flag. If you're not sure what side of the great divide you're in, IMO, you're lying, dumb, or really confused about your values. My two cents - age 51 on the apps. Lord help me.
the dog glamour shots, the entire photo spread of "me skydiving" "me drinking wine alone" "me skiing" "me me me" I get it , you're advertising you but... or the ones where there are 4 selfies in the same outfit on the same day or all 4-5 just a different angle... DO you have friends? And the me me me I get it, you're single BUT is there room for ME in your "adventures only no work" life?
Ha! Right? "Adventures only/no work life." I wanna ask those dudes who claim to spend their weekends skydiving or wine tasting, "When do you do laundry?"
Because there's no need to use the mirror. The cameras has a reverse mode so you can take a nice looking picture. You can prop it up and use the timer. You can ask a friend to take one. It says loud and clear: I am one or more of these things: lazy, stupid, won't make the effort to take a decent photo, don't have friends who will take one for me, I'm too embarrassed to ask a friend to take one for me, I don't understand the assignment.
I am currently in bed recovering from hernia surgery, and had to take breaks from reading due to the pain of laughing my a** off. Oh, Harold. You dirty, thirsty man.
On the plus side, this is an excellent shot of his belly flab and double chin, which are both well-known turn-ons for women. I can't comment on the nose hair but I'm sure it was equally prodigious.
Maybe next time he could show us what we really want to see and get a close-up of his heel callouses.
I fucking love this! I hope that you are ok with my profanity. There were just no other words! This is so spot on that I have no other words except for BRAVO and THANK YOU! I think that I speak for all women when I say this!
The inclusion of the picture of the women laughing is what took this over the edge for me! I see that you mentioned mediocre white men, and I can confirm from experience, accurate! But also lots of mediocre black men acting the exact same way! It's like there's a universal Mediocre Man Book on how to get women circulating the globe 🤣🤣
Brilliant! I'm in the UK and it is just the same...."unfairness of it all and the women who are depriving you of what you feel you deserve" ...this is the key for me; it is the continued sense of ENTITLEMENT that at the lower end of the spectrum is funny but at the other end is sinister. Responses I've had in my younger days to unwanted advances include
"What's the matter with you" (Nothing, but the fact that you even asked that questions confirms my choice!)
"Oh are you a lesbian or something? (I did actually respond with "No, but if you're typical of what's on offer I'm seriously wishing I was" - I'm not sure what the 'or something is!'
"Fuck off then" (not much you can say to that!)
When I explained on a dating app that I am not 'slim' (as I wasn't going to waste my time on those who specify slim but he hadn't) he asked for a full length picture saying, "Well how big are you? I know it's not good to ask but...." (No it's not, get lost)
After one dance he whispered sweetly in my ear "Can I fuck you later?" (Sorry no you can't because you're now covered in sweet sticky Coca Cola!)
"I like big women" (Really? All of us? Do you know all of us? Or is it that you think us fat women are so desperate that we will lower our standards and be grateful that you even spoke to us.
"We know you’re going to stumble out of that mattress and wander into your dirty bathroom to take a mirror selfie and then hop on your sweet motorcycle to go catch a fish or shoot a deer or pose with women who would clearly never date you."
There's a pillow guy in Nashville. Three of us friends on the apps have been hit up by him. The same story. He's a nice guy. Short. Some religious trauma. He's smart and he enjoys smart women. He's harmless. He won't pressure you. He wants to meet and talk. He keeps you on the phone for a long time. I almost did meet him and something didn't feel right. One friend did, and he was over at her house in a heartbeat with banana bread and a massage at the ready. We figure that we all have something in common: being older. And he told each of us he liked other women. Yeah. We were targeted: older, divorced and easy. Or so this pillow guy thought.
There is a new campaign called Mirrors For Men and I am all in! These men are everywhere on the apps, clueless, thoughtless that they should offer something (other than ED) to the women they are dating. They are left, like the single sock forever trapped in the washing machine, never sought after and certainly disposed of quickly if found. Harold (and the men like him) think the problem is women on the apps, I assure you Harold, you are indeed the problem!
This is hilarious Jennie! Just spat out my cuppa. Thank you for transforming the dystopian nightmare of late life internet dating to something so bloody hilarious!
HELL YES to all. of. THIS! You are killing me! "Lazy men who want a blow job" FTW!
I had been on the apps for like 15 minutes when I came up with this list:
Top Ten Dating App Deal Breakers:
1. Poor spelling and weird grammar (what's with all of the random capitalizing?)
2. Mirror selfies. Gym selfies. Shirtless selfies. Shirtless mirror gym selfies.
3. Men in their 40s and 50s looking for "girls."
4. "Work hard, play hard."
5. Looking for a "partner in crime."
6. Photos with other women.
7. Any mention of drama, as in claiming to be "drama-free" or "not looking for drama."
8. Writing "I have a great sense of humor" but not actually writing anything funny.
9. Describing oneself as fit, handsome, or sexy (I'll be the judge of that, fella)
10. Photos in a bed or bathtub.
Add to that “curious about the world” are we 8 years old? 🙄
And they're usually the dullest knives in the drawer too... 😂
Awww, "curious about the world" is a great quality. Why is this a dealbreaker for you?
To me it sounds ridiculous, every other profile says it. Same as “loves to laugh”
Who doesn’t ?
Because it dependably means the exact opposite.
Most 8 year olds are better company
Yes. Jennie's written about all of these deal breakers. But bathtub. No. Please.
Drama free really irks me most. So you want a 100% happy person, someone light, care-free. DTF, no strings, no humanity, no core. The other thing that drives me crazy is they don't know what type of relationship they want so either put they don't know, or they put absolutely anything. Looking for short, open to long - who is actively seeking a break up sooner than later? That's weird to me. Or, looking for: long term, friendship, hookup, short term... Monogamy, nonmonogamy. What does this mean? You have zero standards and will take anything that comes along and has a pulse, who is, oh, drama-free of course. And lastly, "moderate" or no political listing/indifferent. Red flag. If you're not sure what side of the great divide you're in, IMO, you're lying, dumb, or really confused about your values. My two cents - age 51 on the apps. Lord help me.
It’s code for, “Never disagree with me.”
the dog glamour shots, the entire photo spread of "me skydiving" "me drinking wine alone" "me skiing" "me me me" I get it , you're advertising you but... or the ones where there are 4 selfies in the same outfit on the same day or all 4-5 just a different angle... DO you have friends? And the me me me I get it, you're single BUT is there room for ME in your "adventures only no work" life?
Ha! Right? "Adventures only/no work life." I wanna ask those dudes who claim to spend their weekends skydiving or wine tasting, "When do you do laundry?"
My ex gets his 80 year old father to do his laundry 🤦♀️
“Curious about the world” reads as “let me teach you”, to me 😒
Adding:
11. Doesn't take oneself or life too seriously.
Because there's no need to use the mirror. The cameras has a reverse mode so you can take a nice looking picture. You can prop it up and use the timer. You can ask a friend to take one. It says loud and clear: I am one or more of these things: lazy, stupid, won't make the effort to take a decent photo, don't have friends who will take one for me, I'm too embarrassed to ask a friend to take one for me, I don't understand the assignment.
I am currently in bed recovering from hernia surgery, and had to take breaks from reading due to the pain of laughing my a** off. Oh, Harold. You dirty, thirsty man.
Oh man! Feel better soon, Angela! ❤️
Ikr? The blowjob comment followed by laughing women. My cat jumped because I burst out laughing. 100/10! Feel better, Angela!!
And while you’re at it, get a haircut.
On the plus side, this is an excellent shot of his belly flab and double chin, which are both well-known turn-ons for women. I can't comment on the nose hair but I'm sure it was equally prodigious.
Maybe next time he could show us what we really want to see and get a close-up of his heel callouses.
ROTFLMAO!!!!🤣
🤣😂🤣
I fucking love this! I hope that you are ok with my profanity. There were just no other words! This is so spot on that I have no other words except for BRAVO and THANK YOU! I think that I speak for all women when I say this!
Hahahahaha, I am totally fine with your profanity! And thank you :)
F bomb away. We're good.
“…this suggests a fundamental misunderstanding of How Things Work.” The cackle I cackled!!!
The inclusion of the picture of the women laughing is what took this over the edge for me! I see that you mentioned mediocre white men, and I can confirm from experience, accurate! But also lots of mediocre black men acting the exact same way! It's like there's a universal Mediocre Man Book on how to get women circulating the globe 🤣🤣
agreed, male mediocrity transcends all demographics, lol.
New band name (or T.S. song)? "male mediocrity transcends all demographics"
LMAO!
The inclusion of the picture makes for three reasons I will never use those apps.
Brilliant! I'm in the UK and it is just the same...."unfairness of it all and the women who are depriving you of what you feel you deserve" ...this is the key for me; it is the continued sense of ENTITLEMENT that at the lower end of the spectrum is funny but at the other end is sinister. Responses I've had in my younger days to unwanted advances include
"What's the matter with you" (Nothing, but the fact that you even asked that questions confirms my choice!)
"Oh are you a lesbian or something? (I did actually respond with "No, but if you're typical of what's on offer I'm seriously wishing I was" - I'm not sure what the 'or something is!'
"Fuck off then" (not much you can say to that!)
When I explained on a dating app that I am not 'slim' (as I wasn't going to waste my time on those who specify slim but he hadn't) he asked for a full length picture saying, "Well how big are you? I know it's not good to ask but...." (No it's not, get lost)
After one dance he whispered sweetly in my ear "Can I fuck you later?" (Sorry no you can't because you're now covered in sweet sticky Coca Cola!)
"I like big women" (Really? All of us? Do you know all of us? Or is it that you think us fat women are so desperate that we will lower our standards and be grateful that you even spoke to us.
etc. etc.
It's the delusional self confidence isn't it? 😂
Fiercest analysis to date. I wanna put that to music!!! I wish i could read it again for the first time. Preach Jennie.
I don't think I've ever laughed harder. I actually snorted.
That's what the apps are for, ya know? It's classic drama. Great sadness. And great humor. I never laughed so hard as I did on the apps. Word.
"We know you’re going to stumble out of that mattress and wander into your dirty bathroom to take a mirror selfie and then hop on your sweet motorcycle to go catch a fish or shoot a deer or pose with women who would clearly never date you."
I am deceased. The accuracy has ended me!
There's a pillow guy in Nashville. Three of us friends on the apps have been hit up by him. The same story. He's a nice guy. Short. Some religious trauma. He's smart and he enjoys smart women. He's harmless. He won't pressure you. He wants to meet and talk. He keeps you on the phone for a long time. I almost did meet him and something didn't feel right. One friend did, and he was over at her house in a heartbeat with banana bread and a massage at the ready. We figure that we all have something in common: being older. And he told each of us he liked other women. Yeah. We were targeted: older, divorced and easy. Or so this pillow guy thought.
"Banana bread and a massage"! Eew! Hahahahah, two things I love in the correct context, but not from Pillow Guy showing up at my house!
Hilarious! Thank you for putting into words why I swipe left so fast on these guys. 😂
I was reading this and uncontrollably laughing out loud! We've all seen Harold's photos - with luck we haven't met him in real life! 😂
Harolds are the WORST.
Colins run a close second 🤣
There is a new campaign called Mirrors For Men and I am all in! These men are everywhere on the apps, clueless, thoughtless that they should offer something (other than ED) to the women they are dating. They are left, like the single sock forever trapped in the washing machine, never sought after and certainly disposed of quickly if found. Harold (and the men like him) think the problem is women on the apps, I assure you Harold, you are indeed the problem!
This is hilarious Jennie! Just spat out my cuppa. Thank you for transforming the dystopian nightmare of late life internet dating to something so bloody hilarious!
"the dystopian nightmare of late life internet dating" 🙌😂💗
At least we can enjoy the comraderie of brilliant women! (And at least we are not dependent wives in miserable marriages.)