Anatomy of a Dating App Scammer

You need *surprisingly* little evidence

One of my Facebook group members wrote to me with this message: “I am seriously creeped out and don’t understand what’s going on here.” If you’ve been on the apps awhile, you already know what’s going on here. If not, here’s your decoder. This is the exchange:

I scratched out “Philipe’s” face, but he looks like all scammers. He looks like this guy (they all look somewhat like this guy, who is AI-generated and not a real human):

If they look too perfect, they’re usually not real. Now, let’s talk about the words:

First move: Compliment
Hey Ruby, great to hear from you, you look so classy

Second move: Establish commonality/connection
Accomplished first by proving he actually read her profile (rare, on the dating apps), and then by explicitly articulating what they share.

Third move: Introduce something with emotional value
He misses his dog, will never forget “it.”

Grammatical cues:

1. Overly formal tone, doesn’t sound natural

2. Pronoun problems. Forensic linguists will tell you that pronouns are where people fall apart, where they slip up. No one refers to their beloved 10-year-old dog as “it.” In this case, we probably have a second language issue as well, which is typical of dating app scams; they are frequently operated from other countries.

3. The next move will be to get her off the app, usually to WhatsApp, and then after that more establishing connection, showing interest and empathy and affection, etc., and then there will be an ask for money (usually attached to some kind of emergency—he was robbed, he’s been in an accident, etc.). This is frequently connected to a claim about wanting to come and see her—he wants to fly to her city to meet her in person, but he’s lost his passport and can’t get to his bank accounts, etc. The version I’m giving you here is the most ridiculous and transparent, but no matter WHAT the story is, if he needs YOUR money to come see you, then block-to-burn immediately. 🔥

If you want more visuals and tips, see this post on my Instagram (and you can follow @word_case_scenario for more dating rhetoric breakdown):

word_case_scenario

A post shared by @word_case_scenario

Let’s finish this one off with some visual rhetoric humor. When I was on the dating apps myself, I met this guy. If you know any middle-aged men from northern Wisconsin, you will understand how totally hilarious this is.

Women/nonbinary people, please feel free to join the Burned Haystack™ dating community here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/9116647515019601