Amen! Older women are also at the same place with the rise in gray divorces and the majority of women 40+ opting out completely! I'll take my quiet peaceful life over the drama that men bring. I'll dance around my house, go to museums, walk the local parks and attend fun educational programs while choosing not to date. Older women have also quiet quit men :)
Totally. It's absolutely *fascinating* to me that Gen Z women and Gen X women (and older) are arriving at the exact same conclusions, and we are all SO much better off for it.
Yep! I'm older Gen X with a Gen Z son (he'll be 18 next month). So he has seen it in his peers and his mom--and knows we have zero f*cks to give as far as men. And he is the better for it.
I think it's because Gen X and elder Millennials are the moms of Gen Z. We stopped giving a fuck and they saw it. We also talked to our daughters. Hopefully (but it doesn't seem like it) they talked to their sons. A
I talked to both of my sons (now 26 and 22). The phrase they always heard from me was 'there's no young lady in your generation who is going to cook your food and pick up your dirty underwear from the bathroom floor, so get on it!' I go to their houses now and they clean while we talk and I sit in the chair and sip my tea. Their future partners were not going to put up with what I did with their father. Not on my watch.
I’m on the cusp (62) but never apologize for who you are or what gen you’re part of - not all boomers have it made - many of us have struggled & continue to do so bc we’re in non-profit world (or for other reasons) plus left out to dry after divorce - I want to be valued for who I am and value others for who they are, not for the year I (or they) was/were born
This resonates in my little family. I’m a single GenX and I recently asked my 16 year old daughter if she wanted to ever have children. No, she said, because she had too many other things she wanted to accomplish in her life. And while she does have an occasional crush on a boy from school, she seems to see them as eye candy and doesnt really want to date.
I would add a nuance in that if previous generations of women hadn't highlighted the inequities earlier on (even if there was little to be done about it), this GenZ group wouldn't be able to enjoy this new normal. That said, I am HERE FOR IT - its wonderful to see the rights and protections we fought for coming to fruition and these young women having choices and saying nah bro, we good.
I love this for all the young women out there. I wish our generation (late gen x here) would had had the gall to do this. I'm all for it and I tell young women every chance I get, that getting married and having kids is not the end all be all. It's actually F'ing hard work, even with the right partner and even harder with the wrong one. Yay to this new breed of women and let's hope that their male counterparts follow the lead.
I’m 60 and have been widowed for five years. After a three-month trial run on the apps with zero dates, little interest, and hours of wasted emotional labor trying to engage men in basic, civil conversation, I quit. Based on that experience and everything I’ve learned following the Burned Haystack Dating Method, I may not bother trying again. Meanwhile I have an active, fulfilling, INDEPENDENT life with friends, great career, my dog, my own home, and lots of creative hobbies and interests. A man would need to add considerable value to my life to take up any of my time.
love this for you - I'm 48, separated a little over a year now with two young children and have zero desire to live with a man again. I feel very much the way you do. I have a full life and awesome hobbies and I am the healthiest I have been in well over a decade I refuse to give that up ever again.
55 here. Separated from a 30 year relationship about 4 years ago. Tried the apps for a couple weeks and realized there is nothing for me there. Living in my peace and focusing on myself, my adult kids and work. I have good friends and family i would rather spend time with than try the dating thing and WASTE time.
Gen Z daughter who is a bad ass, and focuses on her own happiness now instead of wasting time like I did...and I couldn't be prouder of her!!
I went to nursing school late (age 46) and have watched these same young ladies do this in the workplace as well. They often get criticized for it, but again they just say NOPE and will not allow themselves to be taken advantage of by systems that try to convince them they should take the abuse because they are “caregivers” or that it’s a calling. They look at the inequity and toxicity of the system and say “no, I will not damage myself for a job that lacks the basic supports and will not treat me as the intelligent professional that I am.” I have applauded them from the beginning and I think they are taking on the world in all facets and I’m so proud of them for it!
I’m a 52 year old teacher and am seeing the same in the new teachers. They refuse to work 80 hours a week and do all of the “extras” for free. They aren’t falling for the “you didn’t decide to teach for the money” or “it’s all about the children” bs. If they aren’t being paid, they don’t do it and they tell anyone who asks that if it’s important enough for them to need to do it, then it should be important enough to pay for their time. I’m learning from them.
I am so genuinely delighted and relieved to hear this! I taught from '89-'98 and my understanding is that teaching is completely different now. Teachers have been gaslighted with the "remember your why" and "take time for self care" while the work load and the working conditions got worse and worse. Hooray for the next generation of teachers!!!
The conditions have definitely gotten worse and the gaslighting is out of control. But the new generation of teachers just aren’t falling for it. They do their job and leave (as they should, but as my generation was shamed out of doing). I have heard a lot of people complain that the newest generation of employees (in all fields) is lazy and unwilling to work. I think the truth is that they refuse to be exploited. I support them wholeheartedly.
This is starting to happen in the legal field as well. I just went through law school to start my second career and Gen Z is not having the work until you drop mentality foisted upon them. I agree, and hope that law firms come around to expecting a reasonable amount of work instead of demanding their attorneys have no outside life.
I’m GenX with a GenZ daughter and this is spot on. I’m so proud of her and so grateful to her generation of young women for seeing the patriarchal bs, naming it and saying NOPE. And I’m so grateful for the Millenial moms who are raising hell about domestic labor inequality, reproductive rights and the lack of social safety net. These younger generations have the sheer numbers to effect change…my generation is demographically so small that we are frequently completely left out of generational data. Feminism is not new but the mass engagement of mothers and young women of all social classes is, and it is so wonderful to no longer be fighting through the Phyllis Schlafly hellscape of American womanhood alone. It’s given me the strength and support to leave an abusive marriage in middle age and prioritize myself.
Can I just be a proud auntie for a second here and BRAG about my Gen Z nieces? One of them (21 years old) opted out of her boyfriend because he wasn't adding to her joy (in fact, he was subtracting). The other (20 years old) finds most boys whiny and angry, and doesn't give them the time of day. GO, Gen Z women, GO! We're so excited to see you thrive!!!
Another tidbit: I'm in my early 40's, and am doing the same thing. Just opting out of men, because so many of them have consistently shown up as angry, dismissive, abusive, condescending, etc. As it turns out, there is an ENDLESS LANDSCAPE of life, fun and self love to explore, once you turn your attention toward yourself, your hobbies, your dreams, your friends, your plants, your cats, your travels, volunteering, social causes, etc.!
As a Gen X woman, I am seeing the results of this with getting more interest online from Gen Z men in the last year. They tell me women their age are judgemental and don't want to date them. As you would expect after that statement, they quickly prove to me exactly why their peers aren't interested. And back into the shallow dating pool they go with a B2B. Based on my limited experience, it seems they grew up in a world with online trolls and minimal accountability, and seem to lack the empathy and EQ needed to interact in the real world.
These GenZ men are mistaken if they think that GenX will be more patient with them; GenXers are savage! We will absolutely not be tolerating lazy, entitled men fresh outta Mama's basement...
I realized that gen y and z men complaining about women their age is merely a sympathy play they use in order to get sex. When I’ve called them out for complaining about women to me, they don’t know how to act. They think their “you’re better than other *girls*” method works and are shocked when it doesn’t.
I share a home with a partner and finding myself at a crossroads. He adds ZERO to my life in the way of compliments, fun, joy and "guilts" me for wanting to live my life. I have friends, volunteer gigs, a part time travel job and lots of interests. Him - boring with no friends, limited communication skills and no understanding of what I need. Ugh! Stay single ladies! The other side of the fence ain't greener!!!
So true! I thought it was a real compliment when I first started dating my ex when I told him that I didn't actually need him (I was 41 and had lived independently for quite a while), but I *wanted* him in my life. He didn't like that at all, and somehow fueled all the rest of his insecurities. Glad to be free of that!
I hope guys figure it out, really, for everyone's sake.
Baby boomer that loves everything I’ve learned (and am learning) through BHDM, and happily not dating. However, I see so much internalized misogyny amongst women my age (at least in my town), both the conservatives and liberals, that it’s still unique amongst my age group and hard to find understanding and camaraderie. The constant “push” to date and backlash for my choice is at best humorous.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Decentering men is so freeing; it's unfortunate those in your age group are still trapped. Time for some younger friends?
I very much enjoyed the article. But for the sake of being accessible to a wider audience, please stop linking to articles one word at a time. This does not work well for screen readers and assistive technology (AT), which can skip to a list of links. And what they hear (in code) is a link called Look, one called At, a third called The, and another called Statistics.
The words linked should describe the content of the article, so Look, At, and The tell the user nothing about these articles, which is very frustrating. ("Click here" is also terrible for the same reason.) Statistics gives a vague idea of the content, but even that would leave an AT user guessing at the content behind the link.
In addition to being hard to understand fot AT, users with hand tremors may have a difficult time getting the mouse to stay hovered over words like At and The to click them. (If they still navigate with a mouse.)
The best way to link content is by describing what it says. For articles, try working the title into the sentence, such as "See this article on [Gen Z women are proving they're happier without men]. Or maybe make an endnote where all the titles are listed and linked, and link to the endnote from the text (and back to the text where the endnote marker exists).
Thank you for your writing! Just please take the time to break this bad internet habit that most bloggers have. =)
Thank you for mentioning this. My dad has Parkinson’s, and that comes with hand tremors and other symptoms. I’m sure clicking on different linked words (picking one word with a link versus the next word with a link), would be difficult for him to do. 😢
Amen! Older women are also at the same place with the rise in gray divorces and the majority of women 40+ opting out completely! I'll take my quiet peaceful life over the drama that men bring. I'll dance around my house, go to museums, walk the local parks and attend fun educational programs while choosing not to date. Older women have also quiet quit men :)
Totally. It's absolutely *fascinating* to me that Gen Z women and Gen X women (and older) are arriving at the exact same conclusions, and we are all SO much better off for it.
Yep! I'm older Gen X with a Gen Z son (he'll be 18 next month). So he has seen it in his peers and his mom--and knows we have zero f*cks to give as far as men. And he is the better for it.
I think it's because Gen X and elder Millennials are the moms of Gen Z. We stopped giving a fuck and they saw it. We also talked to our daughters. Hopefully (but it doesn't seem like it) they talked to their sons. A
I talked to both of my sons (now 26 and 22). The phrase they always heard from me was 'there's no young lady in your generation who is going to cook your food and pick up your dirty underwear from the bathroom floor, so get on it!' I go to their houses now and they clean while we talk and I sit in the chair and sip my tea. Their future partners were not going to put up with what I did with their father. Not on my watch.
I'm 71 (a Boomer--sorry) and I'm at the same place as Gen Xers. Brava!
I’m on the cusp (62) but never apologize for who you are or what gen you’re part of - not all boomers have it made - many of us have struggled & continue to do so bc we’re in non-profit world (or for other reasons) plus left out to dry after divorce - I want to be valued for who I am and value others for who they are, not for the year I (or they) was/were born
This resonates in my little family. I’m a single GenX and I recently asked my 16 year old daughter if she wanted to ever have children. No, she said, because she had too many other things she wanted to accomplish in her life. And while she does have an occasional crush on a boy from school, she seems to see them as eye candy and doesnt really want to date.
🙋🏼♀️
I would add a nuance in that if previous generations of women hadn't highlighted the inequities earlier on (even if there was little to be done about it), this GenZ group wouldn't be able to enjoy this new normal. That said, I am HERE FOR IT - its wonderful to see the rights and protections we fought for coming to fruition and these young women having choices and saying nah bro, we good.
💯 We are standing on the shoulders of giants here. ✊
1000% - this is the return on massive investment that us feminists have been working toward and waiting for 💪🏽
I love this for all the young women out there. I wish our generation (late gen x here) would had had the gall to do this. I'm all for it and I tell young women every chance I get, that getting married and having kids is not the end all be all. It's actually F'ing hard work, even with the right partner and even harder with the wrong one. Yay to this new breed of women and let's hope that their male counterparts follow the lead.
I’m 60 and have been widowed for five years. After a three-month trial run on the apps with zero dates, little interest, and hours of wasted emotional labor trying to engage men in basic, civil conversation, I quit. Based on that experience and everything I’ve learned following the Burned Haystack Dating Method, I may not bother trying again. Meanwhile I have an active, fulfilling, INDEPENDENT life with friends, great career, my dog, my own home, and lots of creative hobbies and interests. A man would need to add considerable value to my life to take up any of my time.
love this for you - I'm 48, separated a little over a year now with two young children and have zero desire to live with a man again. I feel very much the way you do. I have a full life and awesome hobbies and I am the healthiest I have been in well over a decade I refuse to give that up ever again.
Almost the same - just turned 50, separated for almost a year, three kids. Zero desire to find another relationship with a man if we end up divorcing.
55 here. Separated from a 30 year relationship about 4 years ago. Tried the apps for a couple weeks and realized there is nothing for me there. Living in my peace and focusing on myself, my adult kids and work. I have good friends and family i would rather spend time with than try the dating thing and WASTE time.
Gen Z daughter who is a bad ass, and focuses on her own happiness now instead of wasting time like I did...and I couldn't be prouder of her!!
I went to nursing school late (age 46) and have watched these same young ladies do this in the workplace as well. They often get criticized for it, but again they just say NOPE and will not allow themselves to be taken advantage of by systems that try to convince them they should take the abuse because they are “caregivers” or that it’s a calling. They look at the inequity and toxicity of the system and say “no, I will not damage myself for a job that lacks the basic supports and will not treat me as the intelligent professional that I am.” I have applauded them from the beginning and I think they are taking on the world in all facets and I’m so proud of them for it!
I’m a 52 year old teacher and am seeing the same in the new teachers. They refuse to work 80 hours a week and do all of the “extras” for free. They aren’t falling for the “you didn’t decide to teach for the money” or “it’s all about the children” bs. If they aren’t being paid, they don’t do it and they tell anyone who asks that if it’s important enough for them to need to do it, then it should be important enough to pay for their time. I’m learning from them.
I am so genuinely delighted and relieved to hear this! I taught from '89-'98 and my understanding is that teaching is completely different now. Teachers have been gaslighted with the "remember your why" and "take time for self care" while the work load and the working conditions got worse and worse. Hooray for the next generation of teachers!!!
The conditions have definitely gotten worse and the gaslighting is out of control. But the new generation of teachers just aren’t falling for it. They do their job and leave (as they should, but as my generation was shamed out of doing). I have heard a lot of people complain that the newest generation of employees (in all fields) is lazy and unwilling to work. I think the truth is that they refuse to be exploited. I support them wholeheartedly.
This is starting to happen in the legal field as well. I just went through law school to start my second career and Gen Z is not having the work until you drop mentality foisted upon them. I agree, and hope that law firms come around to expecting a reasonable amount of work instead of demanding their attorneys have no outside life.
I’m GenX with a GenZ daughter and this is spot on. I’m so proud of her and so grateful to her generation of young women for seeing the patriarchal bs, naming it and saying NOPE. And I’m so grateful for the Millenial moms who are raising hell about domestic labor inequality, reproductive rights and the lack of social safety net. These younger generations have the sheer numbers to effect change…my generation is demographically so small that we are frequently completely left out of generational data. Feminism is not new but the mass engagement of mothers and young women of all social classes is, and it is so wonderful to no longer be fighting through the Phyllis Schlafly hellscape of American womanhood alone. It’s given me the strength and support to leave an abusive marriage in middle age and prioritize myself.
Can I just be a proud auntie for a second here and BRAG about my Gen Z nieces? One of them (21 years old) opted out of her boyfriend because he wasn't adding to her joy (in fact, he was subtracting). The other (20 years old) finds most boys whiny and angry, and doesn't give them the time of day. GO, Gen Z women, GO! We're so excited to see you thrive!!!
Another tidbit: I'm in my early 40's, and am doing the same thing. Just opting out of men, because so many of them have consistently shown up as angry, dismissive, abusive, condescending, etc. As it turns out, there is an ENDLESS LANDSCAPE of life, fun and self love to explore, once you turn your attention toward yourself, your hobbies, your dreams, your friends, your plants, your cats, your travels, volunteering, social causes, etc.!
I love this comment, thank you 🥰
💖💖💖
I’m with you!!
If you don't make my life in some way happier and more enjoyable, I'm out.
It’s like going to the optometrist and testing new prescription lenses: “Does this make your vision better, worse, or about the same?”
The goal with your vision is the same as with choosing a partner: BETTER. BETTER ONLY.
As a Gen X woman, I am seeing the results of this with getting more interest online from Gen Z men in the last year. They tell me women their age are judgemental and don't want to date them. As you would expect after that statement, they quickly prove to me exactly why their peers aren't interested. And back into the shallow dating pool they go with a B2B. Based on my limited experience, it seems they grew up in a world with online trolls and minimal accountability, and seem to lack the empathy and EQ needed to interact in the real world.
These GenZ men are mistaken if they think that GenX will be more patient with them; GenXers are savage! We will absolutely not be tolerating lazy, entitled men fresh outta Mama's basement...
I realized that gen y and z men complaining about women their age is merely a sympathy play they use in order to get sex. When I’ve called them out for complaining about women to me, they don’t know how to act. They think their “you’re better than other *girls*” method works and are shocked when it doesn’t.
I am so grateful for what those young women are doing.
Me too. I'm inspired by and in awe of them daily.
As my son said with the world-weary wisdom of a 25-year-old gay man,
"I've seen it over and over. Men are under the delusion that women are as desperate as they are."
Mic drop!
This is it, and no amount of experience or data to the contrary is going to sway them from their delusional beliefs.
This is exactly how my 21 year old daughter and her friends feel.
I share a home with a partner and finding myself at a crossroads. He adds ZERO to my life in the way of compliments, fun, joy and "guilts" me for wanting to live my life. I have friends, volunteer gigs, a part time travel job and lots of interests. Him - boring with no friends, limited communication skills and no understanding of what I need. Ugh! Stay single ladies! The other side of the fence ain't greener!!!
The kids are all right!
I've said that for most of human history, all a man had to do to be a "good" husband was to provide materially.
For the last 50 years or so he also had to be (mostly) not abusive.
Now that they're not necessary for survival or procreation, they have to be *wantable* and can't collectively deal.
So true! I thought it was a real compliment when I first started dating my ex when I told him that I didn't actually need him (I was 41 and had lived independently for quite a while), but I *wanted* him in my life. He didn't like that at all, and somehow fueled all the rest of his insecurities. Glad to be free of that!
I hope guys figure it out, really, for everyone's sake.
Baby boomer that loves everything I’ve learned (and am learning) through BHDM, and happily not dating. However, I see so much internalized misogyny amongst women my age (at least in my town), both the conservatives and liberals, that it’s still unique amongst my age group and hard to find understanding and camaraderie. The constant “push” to date and backlash for my choice is at best humorous.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Decentering men is so freeing; it's unfortunate those in your age group are still trapped. Time for some younger friends?
I very much enjoyed the article. But for the sake of being accessible to a wider audience, please stop linking to articles one word at a time. This does not work well for screen readers and assistive technology (AT), which can skip to a list of links. And what they hear (in code) is a link called Look, one called At, a third called The, and another called Statistics.
The words linked should describe the content of the article, so Look, At, and The tell the user nothing about these articles, which is very frustrating. ("Click here" is also terrible for the same reason.) Statistics gives a vague idea of the content, but even that would leave an AT user guessing at the content behind the link.
In addition to being hard to understand fot AT, users with hand tremors may have a difficult time getting the mouse to stay hovered over words like At and The to click them. (If they still navigate with a mouse.)
The best way to link content is by describing what it says. For articles, try working the title into the sentence, such as "See this article on [Gen Z women are proving they're happier without men]. Or maybe make an endnote where all the titles are listed and linked, and link to the endnote from the text (and back to the text where the endnote marker exists).
Thank you for your writing! Just please take the time to break this bad internet habit that most bloggers have. =)
Thank you for mentioning this. My dad has Parkinson’s, and that comes with hand tremors and other symptoms. I’m sure clicking on different linked words (picking one word with a link versus the next word with a link), would be difficult for him to do. 😢
I didn't know this, so thank you for taking the time to share it. I will start doing what you suggest in my own writing.
I'm sure your audience will appreciate it, whether they realize it or not. =)
In the words of my 19 year old daughter as her boyfriend was crying on her knee, "Wrap it up, king." He's not her bf anymore.