Here's Why Context Matters: Breaking Down an "Embedded Red Flags" Profile 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
When we’re doing any form of rhetorical analysis, we want to look at text, subtext, and context. Briefly:
Text: the actual, literal words
Subtext: the implied meaning *beneath* the words
Context: prefix “con” means “with”; literally, what’s “with the text”
There’s a much more detailed discussion of these three dimensions in this article.
In a dating app profile, the hardest element to get is the context. Dating apps are an out-of-context modality; they aren’t situated in people’s families, workplaces, institutions, communities of faith, etc. This makes them incredibly disembodied and challenging to analyze specifically because they are, by definition, isolated from the most revealing structures of real life.
For that reason, if you’re interested in someone to the point that you’re planning to meet him in real life, it makes sense to squeeze every single contextual element you can out of that profile.
The Burned Haystack community member who shared this example did exactly that, and thank goodness. Let’s look at it:
Original post:
I thought this profile sounded ok, and normally I don’t even think to listen to the music ‘anthem’ they include. Thankfully I did this time! Yikes the lyrics! B2B. (see screenshot). Are there any patterns I missed in the actual profile?
This is Jennie again now . . .
So, this is a fascinating rhetorical study, right? There's nothing *glaring* in his “about me” section. I use the word “embedded” in the title because the red flags here are sort of “hidden-but-also-present” because of the fact that they’re contained in this song choice rather than in his actual words.
I took a MUCH closer look at his profile overall after reading those lyrics. Let’s look at them together. I’ve bolded the words that are worthy of attention in a “critical discourse analysis” kind of way:
“Red Line,” by Geordie Kieffer
I come from a long, long line of denim jean
Cut beside all types of fiends
I robbed the DEA then overdosed
Spent the cash on guns and coke
I am the warmonger more crazy strong
Dropping drones inside Iran
I'm the big bad super-charged sex machine
All-American extra lean
If you lose your cool
Baby, I'll lose mine
You draw the red line
I love crossing red lines
Lose your cool
Baby, I'll lose mine
You draw the red line
I'll see you on the other side
I take the M-1-5 with a pound of green
I'm the triple crown king of ketamine
I'm not fixing me, I'm fixing you
You can take these pills red, white and blue
They go down, down, down with a pack of beer
Then your eyes go dark and you cannot hear
I might tie you up, see what you got
I got a feeling that you're gonna get hot
If you lose your cool
Baby, I'll lose mine
You draw the red line
I love crossing red lines
Full stop
You talk that talk
You walk that walk
Who wears the red line?
Maybe we can work it out
Maybe we can work it out
Oh, my friend
You seem upset
What's on your mind?
Woah, you got something you want to say?
Well, look me in the eye
Woah, if you lose your cool
Maybe I'll lose mine
You draw the red line
I love crossing red lines
If this man had just said he "liked" the song, I'm not sure it would be meaningful, but he's identifying this as an ANTHEM, which *IS* meaningful.
An anthem is taken to be intensely symbolic of and identified with the person or group claiming it; it’s not the same as saying “I like this” or “I think this is cool/interesting/powerful, etc.” An anthem exemplifies something, as in, “stands as an example of” the thing to which it applies (Larry, in this case).
So putting the lyrics, the anthem-designation, and the profile all in context together, here's what I'm seeing:
Lack of consistency between things he claims about himself explicitly in his profile and the lyrics of the song he claims as his anthem. Let’s do some juxtapositions here:
This inconsistency or lack of cohesion regarding the self is concerning. He either lacks a consistent, dependable character, or he’s intentionally deceiving and cloaking his real self. Either one of those possibilities is highly concerning.
We are also seeing several Burned Haystack toxic rhetorical patterns:
“Six Flags or Red Flags?”:
I am the warmonger more crazy strong
Dropping drones inside Iran
I'm the big bad super-charged sex machine
All-American extra lean
“Conditional Decency”
If you lose your cool
Baby, I'll lose mine
“Disciplinary/Directive”
You seem upset
What's on your mind?
Woah, you got something you want to say?
Well, look me in the eye
“Test and Apologize”
This one is not as explicit, but the problem with test and apologize is that it’s indicative of boundary violations, and boundary violations are indicative of future potential to abuse/victimize. The lyrics in this song state, repeatedly, “I love crossing red lines.” There’s no nuance to read there; it’s literally part of the title.
It’s worth noting here that all four of these rhetorical patterns are in what I consider to be the “Top Five Toxic” of all the Burned Haystack rhetorical patterns.
Now let’s go back to his profile text again, given the context of the song lyrics in his anthem.
You probably noticed that he’s deleted all personal pronouns. That *could* simply be stylistic or used for economy. However, it can also be a sign of mental illness or personality disorder. This style of narrative writing is often seen in people struggling with depersonalization, disassociation, or severe depression, trauma, or anxiety. To be clear: personal pronoun deletion on its own is not enough to diagnose anyone with anything. We are in the realm of speculation here.
Personally, though, if I were to combine even the possibility of any of those issues IN ADDITION to aggressive and threatening language that invokes drug abuse, war, and intentional boundary violations, it doesn’t really seem worth the risk, does it? The context here—all the context we’re able to get, including those song lyrics—strongly suggests danger. These are the reddest of red flags.
The original poster did not continue communication with this guy, and I wholeheartedly believe that was a very smart decision. I believe this is a deeply troubled and potentially violent man. Block to burn. 🔥
In addition to every other red flag in this concerning profile, I couldn’t avoid noticing that he just had to talk about his food intake—“enjoy cooking well, healthy eating habits with the odd treat after coffee”—in the very limited amount of space provided in a dating profile.
I like to call this the “No Fat Chicks” pattern.
What Mr. NFC is sharing about himself is that he will expect you to restrict yourself the same way that he does. Men like this love to police women’s weight, bodies, and food choices under the guise of being health conscious. It’s all about control.
Given the profile, I suspect that this is a man who, if pressed, would claim that this is just a song he thought was cool and not something he really felt was an anthem. He would claim that you are overthinking it, or taking things too seriously.
That's still a red flag, because the indicates that he doesn't put enough thought into things that should be thought of carefully, like choosing a song to claim is your personal anthem.
It shows a lack of appropriate attention to detail, and empathy for women who have to carefully dissect a profile, as one should when trying to choose a life partner and what is potentially a life or death situation for us.
There is no way to spin this song choice that makes him not a red flag.