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Erin's avatar

I stopped going to Al-Anon and went to Co-Dependents Anonymous instead. I didn’t want to sit in a room and ruminate about the alcoholic who already took up too much space in my mind/life. At Coda the discussion was more empowering and I met people who figured out how to stop centering another person and their addiction. There was talk of acceptance but it was coupled with the notion that acceptance can mean walking away.

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Robin B.'s avatar

This was me - exactly me...I so deeply appreciate this writing! I went to Al-Anon for many years off and on and had a couple sponsors that ultimately I ended up not continuing with.

I kicked him out a year ago and he just died of liver failure due to alcoholism in April and I am again heartbroken but really can see now, what you so beautifully expressed in this article. I was so convinced he was my soul mate. Perspective is hard won. When I was with him we talked also about "unconditional love and acceptance" and it took me years to figure out that I could really love someone but not be able to be in relationship with them nor live with them. I think it was finally the thought of losing my son that did it. He (25 yr old) could not take it and it put a huge rift in our relationship. I could not lose my son so I chose to save myself. Thank you for all you are doing through your work now. I love your stuff!

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