Paul Modrowski May or May Not be a Murderer. Burned Haystack Would Have Protected Women from Him Regardless.
More evidence for the power of rhetorical patterning
The Chicago Tribune article that broke this story a few days ago is behind a paywall, but here are some relevant quotes:
“A convicted murderer’s recent foray into online dating is causing a stir on social media, where outraged commenters who learned of his connection to a grisly 1993 suburban slaying are warning women in search of love to swipe left.
Paul Modrowski was 18 years old when prosecutors charged him and a co-defendant with the murder of a friend, Dean Fawcett, whose headless body was discovered months earlier near railroad tracks in Barrington.”
Modrowski was released from prison in the summer of 2024 due to his continued claims of innocence and self-advocacy and to a judge’s concerns about a legal technicality of his conviction (not because there is now exonerating evidence).
Modrowski earned a bachelor’s degree from Northwestern while incarcerated, and he now works as an academic researcher.
Last week, “internet sleuths found him on the League, a popular online dating app, and began sharing screenshots of his dating profile across various social media platforms. The profile includes Modrowski’s photo, first name, town, the incorrect age of 37, and an ‘about me’ bio that reads: ‘Astrophysics by day & good vibes by night. Match if you want to connect.’”
Note: The League states that it does not permit anyone who has been convicted of a violent crime to join the app, but this is an “honor system” kind of thing (which seems a little counterintuitive if the totality of the population to which it applies are violent criminals); the dating app does not conduct background checks.
I do not know if Paul Modrowski murdered, mutilated, dismembered, and beheaded someone in 1993. What I do know is that a strict application of Burned Haystack Dating Method, and in particular a few rhetorical patterns that we’ll discuss, would have protected women from dating him even when The League failed to do so.
I want to respond to a potential concern up front:
“Okay, but what if he’s innocent? It’s not fair if this man, who’s been through so much, can’t find love because of a legal injustice.”
That’s not what I’m addressing. I’m saying he shouldn’t be able to find love because he’s deceiving and manipulating women. That’s true regardless of what happened in 1993.
Let’s use Paul Modrowski’s own words and apply our rhetorical patterns:
His dating app profile ends with the statement: “Match if you want to connect.”
That’s “Disciplinary/Directive Male Profile” pattern. You can view the explainer reel on it here:
In this case, the pattern is low-key (a non-hostile directive to women to match with him). If you’re new to Burned Haystack, you might say, “You’re reading too much into this.” Maybe. What I can tell you is that the longer we study these patterns, the more this pattern in particular holds true. It’s not the words that matter, it’s the pattern. Another way to say that: It’s not the content that matters; it’s the grammar. If it’s a grammatical directive, it falls into Disciplinary/Directive Male Profile pattern, and over and over and over again this pattern over time reveals the man who issues it to be problematic in some way—frequently to the point of being objectively abusive.
Let’s look at more of his own words, the following of which address the fact that he lied about his age in his dating app:
“With respect to my age, I did not list it accurately on the platform,” he told the Tribune. “Online dating environments are highly filter-driven, and I believed that if my profile did not appear in searches, I would not have the opportunity to have conversations with many wonderful women in the first place. I am sorry if women feel that I have acted deceptively.”
There’s a lot to unpack here:
“I am sorry if women feel that I have acted deceptively.”
Women don’t FEEL he acted deceptively. He objectively DID act deceptively. Okay, I just needed to correct that.
Overall, his quote above about his age is Burned Haystack rhetorical pattern Test and Apologize, which is a high-toxic pattern. You can watch the explainer reel here:
Men who test-and-apologize are boundary violators, which is a key indicator of future potential to abuse. Lying about age on the dating apps is in itself a boundary violation; women literally set boundaries around the age of men they’re willing to meet, and a man lying about it has decided that his desire to meet her trumps her own preferences for herself; this transgression is particularly egregious when men use it to meet much-younger women.
Dating coach Erika Ettin offers a fantastic explainer reel on this:
After the Tribune ran this story last week, Paul Modrowski issued his own statement on his blog, which includes these words:
“My intent has never been to mislead, but to allow interpersonal connections to develop before addressing a legal history that cannot be responsibly reduced to a label.
I understand that this information may raise questions. I am willing to address them directly and respectfully in appropriate circumstances.”
This is Conditional Decency rhetorical pattern: I will treat you as a human being once you’ve proved yourself worthy of my respect and decency.” You can view the explainer reel here:
Burned Haystack community member Christin, in an email to me when she shared the story with me, writes, “It crossed my mind as I was reading this that your work and CDA will/has saved lives....just for blocking this guy who said he was 37 and CLEARLY was not, I'd have never known he was a convicted murderer, but I would be safe.”
She’s correct, and that’s why rhetorical patterning is so powerful. When people ask me what the most toxic/danger-indicating patterns are, I give them my Top 5 list, which are these:
Disciplinary/Directive
Test and Apologize
Conditional Decency
Were You at the Capitol on January 6th?
Is This a Threat?
(Note: I go over all of these and all the other patterns, in detail, with tons of real life examples, in my book, forthcoming from HarperCollins and available for pre-order now.)
Paul Modrowski hit 3/5 in the very small amount of text we have from him.
So maybe he’s a murderer, maybe not, but he’s for-sure a liar and a manipulator of women, and that is 💯 not datable.
Block to burn. 🔥
Thank you for this, Jennie! What’s hilarious about these men is they often say women WANT to date older men, it’s natural. Oh yeah, then why do you have to lie to override their filters? Pathetic.
Saying he's 37 if he's 40-41 is already bad, but m'dude is 50-51 targeting women more than 10 years his junior and taking about it like it's because he's SO SPIRITUAL. Gross. B2B