I'm 70 years old, and just started using a dating app.I got hundreds of responses my first day, including a 57-year old man who responded to my message "I prefer someone closer to my age" with "Age is just a number--if you were so liberal you'd know this. If the situation were reversed and you were a man, you'd have no trouble going out with a 57 year old woman. Come on, you might miss out on an incredible opportunity. What do you have to lose?"
A first I thought, "Is this how he thinks he's going to get me to go out with him?" I also wanted to set the jerk to rights! Then, I decided I don't have time and energy to spare, so I blocked him. I was complaining to my daughter about how overwhelming it was to sort through the profiles and messages on the dating apps, and she texted me a link to your IG @word_case_scenario. It was a HUGE help! At my age, I don't have time to waste on chaff!
I'm not on Bumble, I'm on the 50+ dating site, Our Time (owned by Match like nearly every other dating app,) but after reading about "Bumblegate" I wanted to make sure Our Time was honoring my blocks (to burn):
My query:
"When I block someone, I want them to be permanently and forever blocked from showing up in my feed. I also want to permanently and forever stop appearing in their feed.
Please confirm yes or no that this is what happens when I block someone."
Their response:
"Thank you for contacting Our Time!
Once you block a profile, it will no longer show up in your matches and your profile will no longer be visible by the blocked profile. It will no longer appear on you feed and your profile will no longer appear on their feed. This will be permanent, unless you manually unblock those profiles.
I hope this helps. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Regards,
Ed L.
Customer Care Support"
Thank you for speaking up on behalf of women! Other dating apps are paying attention.
I know of one app — I am not affiliated in any way — called Stitch for those of us 50+ that is a nonprofit with free and paid ($7 per month) memberships, and requires you to prove you are a real person by taking a selfie holding a piece of paper with specific word or phrase on it that is verified by a human before you can join.
It’s not just a dating app, but also offers meet-ups organized by members and online groups. It’s based in Australia and has worldwide membership.
I tried it about a year and a half ago, but didn’t get any responses in the dating area of the app, maybe because so few members live in my area? Many more in the neighboring bigger city (Dallas).
I did join Stitch and have spoken with 1 lovely gentleman. I think for me, I’ll just give it a break for the time being and just be more social. It can tend to be energy sapping.
I joined stich a while back but the free version is pretty much useless. I live in the Dallas Ft Worth metroplex. Do you recommend the paid version for both socialization and dating? I've not met anyone who was on stich so I'm interested in whether you felt it was worth the money.
I was a paid member for a few months, but few activities were in my area (Fort Worth) and they weren’t interesting enough to attend. You can’t go to most of their events without being a paid menber, but it’s very inexpensive compared to dating apps — $7 per month — that’s why I suggested it. I had my profile set to be interested in dating men, but I had only one response and it was from a man in Florida. It could be a good app if more people participated — but I only found it by accident, so they may need more marketing/media exposure in the U.S.
Dale, I did research on the apps that had 1.) were senior-focused and 2.) were easy for me to use.
Bumble and Hinge seemed like they were geared towards younger people. Match felt too complicated to enroll, and E-Harmony felt too religious. That left Our Time, Silver Singles, and Senior Match. I chose Our Time after playing around with the free version, although I'm not sure if it is available in Australia. Most are owned by Match, except Bumble, Silver Singles, and Senior Match.
Interesting thread. I’m a 73-yr-old Canadian living in a smaller city on an island off the west coast. Shallow dating pool for my intellectual and attraction needs so I’m probably screwed (well, unfortunately only metaphorically) but not ready to fold just yet. Consider yourself blessed that you received hundreds of responses or any from dateable men over 60 and good luck to us all!
Hundreds of responses is not a good thing, especially when they're inappropriate, low quality responses from men who don't meet my standards. I have a wonderful life on my own, and at my age, I'd rather spend my valuable time on 2-3 responses from 2-3 decent men. Dating is not a numbers game for me-- I'd prefer not to waste whatever time I have left in this life. I may get fewer dates with Burned Haystack's block to burn, but the quality of men is infinitely better.
I’ll write more when I have fully digested all of this, but I want to say right now: BRAVISSIMA! We can never thank you enough for your scholarship, wisdom, big heart, sense of humor, chutzpah, fortitude, and everything else you’re doing. I am in awe.
Hello Jennie! I made comment on considering taking the step to begin to design a USEFUL, integrity based dating platform, based largely on a model that is not rabidly profit-centric (although sustainability is important, so I need to come up with a different approach to the business model so as not to allow it to get corrupted). It must be grounded in a mission for finding lasting high quality relationships. That comment has gotten a lot of likes and a volunteer or two. My background includes designing mission critical web based applications - including for major FI’s- so I am not blowing smoke. :)
I had a conversation yesterday with another haystacker who is a lead engineer and wants to participate.
I will be doing focus groups around any or all of: mission and values, core design, safety features, member guidelines, etc.
At this point I think it is a challenge worth exploring…as Bumblegate has shown!
Please look at the Australian 50+ nonprofit app Stitch as an example. I wrote about in in a reply to this post below. I think it offers some valuable good practices — “best” I couldn’t say since I’m not an app developer. I like it, but too few members in my area.
I love this. I’m happily married, and see my single friends and everyone here and, well, words fail me.
I had a very similar idea regarding building an app, a proper dating focused non exploitative app. But I don’t have your skill set.
But the following did occur to me:
In banking/finance world we have KYC, know your customer, basically this is a way of verifying that a person is who they say they are. This would need, imo, to be build into the onboarding process. I know fintechs who get this right, and it’s seen as critical and a barrier to onboarding, so it need to be effective, fast and painless, there are many ways to solve this problem.
From a funding point of view, crowd funding may be the way to go; there are also orgs out there that are focused on delivering good, rather than purely focused on profit. That may also be an option.
In terms of revenue generation, a fee to be not the app would fly I would expect.
And then there is the opportunity to apply Jenny’s lessons and teaching through the app, which means that there is the option to make it bigger than just a dating app. I apply these lessons to conversations in the work place ALL THE TIME.
Anyway, I absolutely love your build a wonderful app idea and 100% see this as a thing.
I love the app INSIGHT TIMER, I use it daily, and the free version is great, but I choose to pay for a membership because I like it so much. A structure like that might work? although, I think a dating app would have to have a lot more staff than a meditation app?
I would be happy to have you. I am starting to journal some key factors and thoughts, and once I am ready to start I will reach out. Any others who want to join one, let me know. :)
If Jennie is okay with it - this is her space and I respect it - I can post here when I am ready to start some focus groups. This group is the ideal set of women to ensure that I don’t accidentally gaslight myself by straying from fundamental principles without realizing g it!!!!
Sharon I would be interested in being part of this team when you get it more flushed out. I am currently a MH therapist but have previously worked in marketing. Great idea!
I left Bumble and all dating apps just before Bumble Gate. I’ve B2B all men in my dating area for B2B reasons. The few I shortly engaged with were quickly identify by me and/or the site as fraud or hit kicked out for violating terms. Fraudulent profiles are rampant. I have friends who have absolutely lovely husbands, so I know they exist: values driven men who lead a healthy lifestyle and are interested in cultivating a strong monogamous relationship with a similarly grounded age appropriate woman. They are just not on the apps. So, at 62 , I will continue living my life fully, fostering friendships, learning & growing, and ‘dating in the wild’ if life turns out that way. I’m an adventurer at heart, and maybe being off the apps will create more time to be present in life. That’s a win. This method has refined and reinforced the natural learning that has occurred over years of online dating. It has given me the confidence to honour my experience and my decision to move on, off the apps. I’m staying with the group though because, oh my! this is all so transferable to other areas of life! Thank you.
This has to be one of the most helpful articles I’ve read this year... And I read 4-5 articles every day! I’m with Zoe, this has applications every where, especially as the world continues to grow more polarized and I am carefully prioritizing where I spend my time and money.
BTW, I am now engaged to an amazing human. We met two weeks after I joined BHDM on FB over two years ago. Ironically, we met on Bumble, just when I thought dating at the age of 54 was a fool’s errand. 🙃 Thank you for all you do. I hope to learn enough to be able to apply this wisdom in my future counseling practice.
CONGRATULATIONS, Mary! If you want me to share you story as a Success Story, please email me pics at burnedhaystack@gmail.com --- no pressure at all, mostly just so happy for you! 🥰
Thank you! I will write it up and choose a photo! I'm finishing up my end of semester projects this week but will have time to sort that next week! Also, I've no idea why or how I have two Substack accounts, something I am just now discovering. I've got to sort that out! Gaaaa!
I recall the college course where we discussed political philosophers, and the point made by Thomas Aquinas that there is no good thing which cannot be mis-used, and thereby turned into something bad.
I would argue that the inverse can sometimes, not always, be true as well: That problematic tools can be turned to a good use. Tools are tools.
Not every decision is between good and bad, but most are between ethical uses to be made of the tools available to us.
I wish I was smart enough to be an app developer. Charge five dollars a month. Require a drivers license so you have their real first or middle name and age. Could someone please make that?
In the last year I met two really good guys on Bumble. We're not dating for different reasons, but they have become legit friends (text daily, go to movies and concerts, made the cut for my Passover Seder)
They are absolutely needles.
Shizz like that keeps me hopeful/from deleting the apps.
And, as I often say, I don't believe in astrology until I do, and the Pisces in me can't help but keep dreaming that it may happen...
Would you consider sharing their details with us in case they are our romantic needles?! Are they by any chance in Chicago?!
That's another idea for an app -- kind of like the FB pages that vouch for men, but an app that would allow the vouching to intersect with the man's profile....
Love that. I know some a couple of good guys who just aren't needles for me. The only question would be - how do we know that the 'vouch' is authentic (not a 'deep fake')?
There sort of is: Loop. I am just starting on it and it's meant to be like real matchmaking where people you know are introducing you to people in their networks. So someone to vouch for them. Of course, the same BHDM rules apply when evaluating profiles and any conversations, and some of these men are just as toxic on this app as any other. I joined the app because someone I know met her husband this way, and we are from the same faith community, which is an essential component in our lives and partner search.
I am reading your bumble gate fallout response, and the way you broke down the choices and how to look at them from a more pragmatic perspective has me thinking about how this information is applicable to other parts of my life. once again grateful for your articulate wisdom.
After the last 7 years of online dating, I’m having a hard time believing that online is the best place to find someone single who is looking for a relationship. Hard emphasis on the “looking for a relationship.” That’s why I think they’ve become less effective over time. The haystack is too large and the needles too few.
I just looked at Bumble's instagram and it's just one post: "It's not you. It's us. You deserve better. We're committed to fixing dating. Starting with ourselves. Have suggestions? We're listening. Your voice matters."
You are awesome, Jennie Young. Been following for months, have reminder for Sunday morning...but think I only was able to comment once. I've told many women about BHDM, and am applying it to jobhunting. Burned Haystack for Employment...but...the 'profile' is their website, LI, asking their employees (the surprise outdoor lunch visit), communication after application, and the interview. Will apply rhetoric/CDA to all communication from now on.
The only way to sus out verbal abuse/bad behavior is to accept the job. And get fired (for being ND). At least on dating apps, that firing doesn't appear on my 'profile' but it does on my resume.
Add on ADD/autism and being 70... Read books/podcasts/therapy for years...Excited about neuroinclusion (Maureen Dunne PhD) and will probably have to wait five+ years for inclusion to happen.
I thought SpiritualSingles.com (Conscious Dating...like Match Group) would improve chances of meeting a conscious/evolved/mature man. His rejection/criticism/lack of interest in using a phone, etc. crushed me (due to Rejection Sensitivity Disorder). I don't have the time/spoons to try again until after I'm working.
Now I understand why ALL my friends are single and have given up ("Cat ladies/men"). Ever hopeful thanks to your hard (life's) work. I'm looking for someone like you! (but male). Diane in north Florida.
I know of one app — I am not affiliated in any way — called Stitch for those of us 50+ that is a nonprofit with free and paid ($7 per month) memberships, and requires you to prove you are a real person by taking a selfie holding a piece of paper with specific word or phrase on it that is verified by a human before you can join.
It’s not just a dating app, but also offers meet-ups organized by members and online groups. It’s based in Australia and has worldwide membership.
I tried it about a year and a half ago, but didn’t get any responses in the dating area of the app, maybe because so few members live in my area? Many more in the neighboring bigger city (Dallas).
I went on Match at the same time for about a month and was horrified for all the reasons, so I deleted both profiles without ever getting a date.
This was a year before finding BHDM and I’m still not ready to try again, and not sure I ever will, but I do like that members are more likely to be humans than bots.
Mostly, it gives me hope that an app that is nonprofit AND safer for women is possible.
Our collective power gave me hope. We have a way to use the app to keep us safe. We spoke up when our safety was compromised. They listened. Power. Hope. ❤️
Thank you for a great article and well reasoned thought process, once again.
I chuckled at “intellectual crush” as a term I’ve used myself a time or two before. I’m pretty sure I have one of those on you right now! lol. Love your work!
I'm 70 years old, and just started using a dating app.I got hundreds of responses my first day, including a 57-year old man who responded to my message "I prefer someone closer to my age" with "Age is just a number--if you were so liberal you'd know this. If the situation were reversed and you were a man, you'd have no trouble going out with a 57 year old woman. Come on, you might miss out on an incredible opportunity. What do you have to lose?"
A first I thought, "Is this how he thinks he's going to get me to go out with him?" I also wanted to set the jerk to rights! Then, I decided I don't have time and energy to spare, so I blocked him. I was complaining to my daughter about how overwhelming it was to sort through the profiles and messages on the dating apps, and she texted me a link to your IG @word_case_scenario. It was a HUGE help! At my age, I don't have time to waste on chaff!
I'm not on Bumble, I'm on the 50+ dating site, Our Time (owned by Match like nearly every other dating app,) but after reading about "Bumblegate" I wanted to make sure Our Time was honoring my blocks (to burn):
My query:
"When I block someone, I want them to be permanently and forever blocked from showing up in my feed. I also want to permanently and forever stop appearing in their feed.
Please confirm yes or no that this is what happens when I block someone."
Their response:
"Thank you for contacting Our Time!
Once you block a profile, it will no longer show up in your matches and your profile will no longer be visible by the blocked profile. It will no longer appear on you feed and your profile will no longer appear on their feed. This will be permanent, unless you manually unblock those profiles.
I hope this helps. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Regards,
Ed L.
Customer Care Support"
Thank you for speaking up on behalf of women! Other dating apps are paying attention.
I'm thrilled to hear that this was their response -- thank you for sharing!
Love that. Thanks for the info. I'm in my 60's and am still considering which app to try. We'll see.
I’m 68, in Australia using most recently tinder and bumble. I’m off all of the apps currently.
Are there any suggestions any of you may have.
I know of one app — I am not affiliated in any way — called Stitch for those of us 50+ that is a nonprofit with free and paid ($7 per month) memberships, and requires you to prove you are a real person by taking a selfie holding a piece of paper with specific word or phrase on it that is verified by a human before you can join.
It’s not just a dating app, but also offers meet-ups organized by members and online groups. It’s based in Australia and has worldwide membership.
I tried it about a year and a half ago, but didn’t get any responses in the dating area of the app, maybe because so few members live in my area? Many more in the neighboring bigger city (Dallas).
Thank you Frances
I did join Stitch and have spoken with 1 lovely gentleman. I think for me, I’ll just give it a break for the time being and just be more social. It can tend to be energy sapping.
Thank you, I will review their model!
I joined stich a while back but the free version is pretty much useless. I live in the Dallas Ft Worth metroplex. Do you recommend the paid version for both socialization and dating? I've not met anyone who was on stich so I'm interested in whether you felt it was worth the money.
I was a paid member for a few months, but few activities were in my area (Fort Worth) and they weren’t interesting enough to attend. You can’t go to most of their events without being a paid menber, but it’s very inexpensive compared to dating apps — $7 per month — that’s why I suggested it. I had my profile set to be interested in dating men, but I had only one response and it was from a man in Florida. It could be a good app if more people participated — but I only found it by accident, so they may need more marketing/media exposure in the U.S.
No. Still looking. I might give Bumble a try.
Dale, I did research on the apps that had 1.) were senior-focused and 2.) were easy for me to use.
Bumble and Hinge seemed like they were geared towards younger people. Match felt too complicated to enroll, and E-Harmony felt too religious. That left Our Time, Silver Singles, and Senior Match. I chose Our Time after playing around with the free version, although I'm not sure if it is available in Australia. Most are owned by Match, except Bumble, Silver Singles, and Senior Match.
Heya
Thanks for your reply. I did join eharmony for a minute but found it to be too convoluted.
I’m going to take a break and rejoin later. I though that other people may know something that I don’t good luck 🌸
Interesting thread. I’m a 73-yr-old Canadian living in a smaller city on an island off the west coast. Shallow dating pool for my intellectual and attraction needs so I’m probably screwed (well, unfortunately only metaphorically) but not ready to fold just yet. Consider yourself blessed that you received hundreds of responses or any from dateable men over 60 and good luck to us all!
I hear you Canadian friend. Much love. 🧡
I’m also screwed metaphorically too. Hahaha
Hundreds of responses is not a good thing, especially when they're inappropriate, low quality responses from men who don't meet my standards. I have a wonderful life on my own, and at my age, I'd rather spend my valuable time on 2-3 responses from 2-3 decent men. Dating is not a numbers game for me-- I'd prefer not to waste whatever time I have left in this life. I may get fewer dates with Burned Haystack's block to burn, but the quality of men is infinitely better.
My dear mth, you are an inspiration! Love how you handled this!
I’ll write more when I have fully digested all of this, but I want to say right now: BRAVISSIMA! We can never thank you enough for your scholarship, wisdom, big heart, sense of humor, chutzpah, fortitude, and everything else you’re doing. I am in awe.
Aww, thank you, Amy, this is so kind ❤️
Hello Jennie! I made comment on considering taking the step to begin to design a USEFUL, integrity based dating platform, based largely on a model that is not rabidly profit-centric (although sustainability is important, so I need to come up with a different approach to the business model so as not to allow it to get corrupted). It must be grounded in a mission for finding lasting high quality relationships. That comment has gotten a lot of likes and a volunteer or two. My background includes designing mission critical web based applications - including for major FI’s- so I am not blowing smoke. :)
I had a conversation yesterday with another haystacker who is a lead engineer and wants to participate.
I will be doing focus groups around any or all of: mission and values, core design, safety features, member guidelines, etc.
At this point I think it is a challenge worth exploring…as Bumblegate has shown!
Please look at the Australian 50+ nonprofit app Stitch as an example. I wrote about in in a reply to this post below. I think it offers some valuable good practices — “best” I couldn’t say since I’m not an app developer. I like it, but too few members in my area.
I absolutely will. Thank you for the recommendation.
Don't forget accessibility throughout the design and developmemt process. (I do web accessibility for FIs for a living. =) )
I love this. I’m happily married, and see my single friends and everyone here and, well, words fail me.
I had a very similar idea regarding building an app, a proper dating focused non exploitative app. But I don’t have your skill set.
But the following did occur to me:
In banking/finance world we have KYC, know your customer, basically this is a way of verifying that a person is who they say they are. This would need, imo, to be build into the onboarding process. I know fintechs who get this right, and it’s seen as critical and a barrier to onboarding, so it need to be effective, fast and painless, there are many ways to solve this problem.
From a funding point of view, crowd funding may be the way to go; there are also orgs out there that are focused on delivering good, rather than purely focused on profit. That may also be an option.
In terms of revenue generation, a fee to be not the app would fly I would expect.
And then there is the opportunity to apply Jenny’s lessons and teaching through the app, which means that there is the option to make it bigger than just a dating app. I apply these lessons to conversations in the work place ALL THE TIME.
Anyway, I absolutely love your build a wonderful app idea and 100% see this as a thing.
I love the app INSIGHT TIMER, I use it daily, and the free version is great, but I choose to pay for a membership because I like it so much. A structure like that might work? although, I think a dating app would have to have a lot more staff than a meditation app?
I love this!! We need this! I'd love to be part of a focus group.
I would be happy to have you. I am starting to journal some key factors and thoughts, and once I am ready to start I will reach out. Any others who want to join one, let me know. :)
If Jennie is okay with it - this is her space and I respect it - I can post here when I am ready to start some focus groups. This group is the ideal set of women to ensure that I don’t accidentally gaslight myself by straying from fundamental principles without realizing g it!!!!
Sharon I would be interested in being part of this team when you get it more flushed out. I am currently a MH therapist but have previously worked in marketing. Great idea!
You're on the list!!!
I would be eager to contribute in any way possible!
Awesome! I'm back from my travels and starting to put together a framework to review with folks. Stay tuned!
I left Bumble and all dating apps just before Bumble Gate. I’ve B2B all men in my dating area for B2B reasons. The few I shortly engaged with were quickly identify by me and/or the site as fraud or hit kicked out for violating terms. Fraudulent profiles are rampant. I have friends who have absolutely lovely husbands, so I know they exist: values driven men who lead a healthy lifestyle and are interested in cultivating a strong monogamous relationship with a similarly grounded age appropriate woman. They are just not on the apps. So, at 62 , I will continue living my life fully, fostering friendships, learning & growing, and ‘dating in the wild’ if life turns out that way. I’m an adventurer at heart, and maybe being off the apps will create more time to be present in life. That’s a win. This method has refined and reinforced the natural learning that has occurred over years of online dating. It has given me the confidence to honour my experience and my decision to move on, off the apps. I’m staying with the group though because, oh my! this is all so transferable to other areas of life! Thank you.
This has to be one of the most helpful articles I’ve read this year... And I read 4-5 articles every day! I’m with Zoe, this has applications every where, especially as the world continues to grow more polarized and I am carefully prioritizing where I spend my time and money.
BTW, I am now engaged to an amazing human. We met two weeks after I joined BHDM on FB over two years ago. Ironically, we met on Bumble, just when I thought dating at the age of 54 was a fool’s errand. 🙃 Thank you for all you do. I hope to learn enough to be able to apply this wisdom in my future counseling practice.
CONGRATULATIONS, Mary! If you want me to share you story as a Success Story, please email me pics at burnedhaystack@gmail.com --- no pressure at all, mostly just so happy for you! 🥰
Thank you! I will write it up and choose a photo! I'm finishing up my end of semester projects this week but will have time to sort that next week! Also, I've no idea why or how I have two Substack accounts, something I am just now discovering. I've got to sort that out! Gaaaa!
I recall the college course where we discussed political philosophers, and the point made by Thomas Aquinas that there is no good thing which cannot be mis-used, and thereby turned into something bad.
I would argue that the inverse can sometimes, not always, be true as well: That problematic tools can be turned to a good use. Tools are tools.
Not every decision is between good and bad, but most are between ethical uses to be made of the tools available to us.
I wish I was smart enough to be an app developer. Charge five dollars a month. Require a drivers license so you have their real first or middle name and age. Could someone please make that?
Same. It just doesn't seem that hard.
I'm on it. This kind of thing is my jam....
and a criminal history/back ground check?
In the last year I met two really good guys on Bumble. We're not dating for different reasons, but they have become legit friends (text daily, go to movies and concerts, made the cut for my Passover Seder)
They are absolutely needles.
Shizz like that keeps me hopeful/from deleting the apps.
And, as I often say, I don't believe in astrology until I do, and the Pisces in me can't help but keep dreaming that it may happen...
Would you consider sharing their details with us in case they are our romantic needles?! Are they by any chance in Chicago?!
That's another idea for an app -- kind of like the FB pages that vouch for men, but an app that would allow the vouching to intersect with the man's profile....
Love that. I know some a couple of good guys who just aren't needles for me. The only question would be - how do we know that the 'vouch' is authentic (not a 'deep fake')?
There sort of is: Loop. I am just starting on it and it's meant to be like real matchmaking where people you know are introducing you to people in their networks. So someone to vouch for them. Of course, the same BHDM rules apply when evaluating profiles and any conversations, and some of these men are just as toxic on this app as any other. I joined the app because someone I know met her husband this way, and we are from the same faith community, which is an essential component in our lives and partner search.
They're in the SF Bay Area unforch, and not in positions to move
I am reading your bumble gate fallout response, and the way you broke down the choices and how to look at them from a more pragmatic perspective has me thinking about how this information is applicable to other parts of my life. once again grateful for your articulate wisdom.
Great article. Thank you for all your hard work.
After the last 7 years of online dating, I’m having a hard time believing that online is the best place to find someone single who is looking for a relationship. Hard emphasis on the “looking for a relationship.” That’s why I think they’ve become less effective over time. The haystack is too large and the needles too few.
💯. I hear all of this! ❤️
I just looked at Bumble's instagram and it's just one post: "It's not you. It's us. You deserve better. We're committed to fixing dating. Starting with ourselves. Have suggestions? We're listening. Your voice matters."
I cracked up at that too. It's like even Bumble knows that every time they say something it gets worse. 😂
You are awesome, Jennie Young. Been following for months, have reminder for Sunday morning...but think I only was able to comment once. I've told many women about BHDM, and am applying it to jobhunting. Burned Haystack for Employment...but...the 'profile' is their website, LI, asking their employees (the surprise outdoor lunch visit), communication after application, and the interview. Will apply rhetoric/CDA to all communication from now on.
The only way to sus out verbal abuse/bad behavior is to accept the job. And get fired (for being ND). At least on dating apps, that firing doesn't appear on my 'profile' but it does on my resume.
Add on ADD/autism and being 70... Read books/podcasts/therapy for years...Excited about neuroinclusion (Maureen Dunne PhD) and will probably have to wait five+ years for inclusion to happen.
I thought SpiritualSingles.com (Conscious Dating...like Match Group) would improve chances of meeting a conscious/evolved/mature man. His rejection/criticism/lack of interest in using a phone, etc. crushed me (due to Rejection Sensitivity Disorder). I don't have the time/spoons to try again until after I'm working.
Now I understand why ALL my friends are single and have given up ("Cat ladies/men"). Ever hopeful thanks to your hard (life's) work. I'm looking for someone like you! (but male). Diane in north Florida.
Agree with Laura --- applying it to job-hunting is a great idea! Thank you for these words, and I am sending you all good wishes! ❤️
this is BRILLIANT--applying it to employment!
I know of one app — I am not affiliated in any way — called Stitch for those of us 50+ that is a nonprofit with free and paid ($7 per month) memberships, and requires you to prove you are a real person by taking a selfie holding a piece of paper with specific word or phrase on it that is verified by a human before you can join.
It’s not just a dating app, but also offers meet-ups organized by members and online groups. It’s based in Australia and has worldwide membership.
I tried it about a year and a half ago, but didn’t get any responses in the dating area of the app, maybe because so few members live in my area? Many more in the neighboring bigger city (Dallas).
I went on Match at the same time for about a month and was horrified for all the reasons, so I deleted both profiles without ever getting a date.
This was a year before finding BHDM and I’m still not ready to try again, and not sure I ever will, but I do like that members are more likely to be humans than bots.
Mostly, it gives me hope that an app that is nonprofit AND safer for women is possible.
Our collective power gave me hope. We have a way to use the app to keep us safe. We spoke up when our safety was compromised. They listened. Power. Hope. ❤️
Thank you for a great article and well reasoned thought process, once again.
I chuckled at “intellectual crush” as a term I’ve used myself a time or two before. I’m pretty sure I have one of those on you right now! lol. Love your work!
Hahahaha, aww, thank you!
I deleted my Bumble. No justification.