There's a sense of " missing piece of the puzzle" to this one, even though there's not any of the usual key phrases. He's expecting an " easy", uncomplicated slotting into his life, expecting you to fit right in with the sports talk, and be ok with being teased, by his mention of sarcasm. There is nothing at all in there about meeting your needs as a partner. My guess is he's bringing his two boys up to have a deep seated misogynist attitude. Women are there to serve, join in with their interests and be teased. It's a hard pass for me.
My thought exactly. The subtext here is "I want a partner as long as she folds herself into my life 100%, asks for NOTHING, and is always delighted with the shit amount of attention I'm going to give her." No thanks.
Thinking about a guy who wanted me to seamlessly merge into his life I thought ‘No… not like traffic…’ I love your word fold as in the ‘Fold in the cheese’ scene between David and Moira in Schitt’s Creek. Yep, that sits better. My guy wanted me to fold in the cheese 🤣
Oh wow. The ego on this man. I don’t see how he and his giant ego can fit in the same room much less in a relationship with another person! So, basically he wants you to be the punchline to every mean comment he and his misogynistic kids throw at you - and if you don’t laugh, you will be accused of not having a sense of humor. I bet they are the “prankster” types who think it’s fun to play mean tricks and then say it was “just a prank”.
He's calling a women "something"?? Sounds like he wants someone who will cater to him and his boys, supporting them in all their sports endeavors which no doubt includes spending most of her time driving the 2 boys back and forth to games, practices etc. This women or "something" (maybe a robot?) must not take herself too seriously (translate - not have her own life) and be subservient to him and his 2 sons.
I agree with missing piece of the puzzle. He and his boys have their life of sports and the something needs to fit into their life. Also “is this a threat” and “disciplinary directive” with the must be able to take sarcasm and must be easy. Code words for expect psychological abuse if you try to voice a need or opinion. He’s looking for a new trad wife. Not it.
Ooo! You hit the nail on the trad wife on the homestead head. There is certainly something quite dark beneath this guy’s seemingly simple profile. Good call.
"natural" - I define sex as mission style, penetrative only, hope you like it
"Feels right" - my innate sense of this is our north star
Nope nope nope
And yet, considerate in being up front that sports is all he and his kids talk about! Reading that, I felt an immense wave of gratitude that no one would have to find that out over even the smallest amount of time.
The red flags as I read them are: 1) all we do are sports. There is clearly no room for your partner’s interests. 2) The potential partner has to be okay with sarcasm and teasing, as he dishes them out. Is he really going to welcome a true give and take? And thirdly as Jenny pointed out, there isn’t a word in here about giving back to a partner, which is the biggest red flag of all. I would run away from this one.
On the subject of directives, a man I dated wrote “must love dogs” in his profile, which seeeemed benign, but turned out to be legit red flag that any partner would be his second-favorite beast.
The directive is scary. I chatted briefly in-app with a man who wrote in his big adventurer/philosopher profile, “must be comfortable sitting on the ground.” It kind of fit in with the themes of camping? His red flags got redder quickly when we chatted.
I agree Jennie this is one that even though the rhet patts are there, there is a deep pull to be ok with this. Some subconscious misogyny patriarchy programming? I completely missed the disciplinary directive until someone pointed it out.
I agree completely. "OK...the poking and sarcasm and disrepect...that's all normal. Might as well give this guy a chance." Eeeek! It's all so messed up and unlearning that acceptance of sh*tty relationships is a difficult process. It feels, quite frankly, impossible at times.
Yeah it’s been haunting me. The ‘aw boys will be boys!’ It’s like the way he wrote this pulled each corner from some secret playbook to entrap us. Freaky!
Thanks but a big no thanks. I do not understand how his profile is enticing to any woman even if she is into many sports. Who wants to be the the "new guy" coming into an established sarcasm circle? And to the "must be able to laugh"....I should not curse on here, but **** He wants easy? Make it real easy for him and B2B and then run the fastest mile in the opposite direction that you ever have.
his kids come first and he wants a door mat, probably a 'bang maid' as they say on reddit. this is off topic, but I have been doing a deep dive into cults/high control groups (of which I have experienced a few, including one on one/abusive men, but also spiritual groups/teachers) and CDA has helped me recognize nonsense, in particular recognizing a 'thought stopping cliché'. as i look around for a potential spiritual home, which i have been doing for at least as long as I have been looking for a life partner (and I have more hope of finding) I B2B a lot. it's easy, if they say 'high vibes,' I'm out.
There's a sense of " missing piece of the puzzle" to this one, even though there's not any of the usual key phrases. He's expecting an " easy", uncomplicated slotting into his life, expecting you to fit right in with the sports talk, and be ok with being teased, by his mention of sarcasm. There is nothing at all in there about meeting your needs as a partner. My guess is he's bringing his two boys up to have a deep seated misogynist attitude. Women are there to serve, join in with their interests and be teased. It's a hard pass for me.
My thought exactly. The subtext here is "I want a partner as long as she folds herself into my life 100%, asks for NOTHING, and is always delighted with the shit amount of attention I'm going to give her." No thanks.
Thinking about a guy who wanted me to seamlessly merge into his life I thought ‘No… not like traffic…’ I love your word fold as in the ‘Fold in the cheese’ scene between David and Moira in Schitt’s Creek. Yep, that sits better. My guy wanted me to fold in the cheese 🤣
Oh, goody, a combo pack of rhet pats!
- My Kids Come First
- Fluent in Sarcasm
- Missing Piece of the Puzzle
- Amusement Park Life (or very limited person, as only into sports)
- and my own: You Don’t Even Factor (‘something’ is demeaning, ‘easy’=not low but no effort, ‘natural’ and ‘feels right’ = everything is about me)
yup yup yup!
Oh wow. The ego on this man. I don’t see how he and his giant ego can fit in the same room much less in a relationship with another person! So, basically he wants you to be the punchline to every mean comment he and his misogynistic kids throw at you - and if you don’t laugh, you will be accused of not having a sense of humor. I bet they are the “prankster” types who think it’s fun to play mean tricks and then say it was “just a prank”.
He's calling a women "something"?? Sounds like he wants someone who will cater to him and his boys, supporting them in all their sports endeavors which no doubt includes spending most of her time driving the 2 boys back and forth to games, practices etc. This women or "something" (maybe a robot?) must not take herself too seriously (translate - not have her own life) and be subservient to him and his 2 sons.
His wife made the great escape!
I agree with missing piece of the puzzle. He and his boys have their life of sports and the something needs to fit into their life. Also “is this a threat” and “disciplinary directive” with the must be able to take sarcasm and must be easy. Code words for expect psychological abuse if you try to voice a need or opinion. He’s looking for a new trad wife. Not it.
Ooo! You hit the nail on the trad wife on the homestead head. There is certainly something quite dark beneath this guy’s seemingly simple profile. Good call.
Thank you
And when he psychologically abuses, he will invalidate her experience of that by saying she doesn’t get his humor.
Damn straight. We can’t take a joke, after all. He’s just kidding. He’s a kidder. Wow, aren’t we sensitive! And on and on.
"Easy" - don't be difficult i.e. have opinions
"natural" - I define sex as mission style, penetrative only, hope you like it
"Feels right" - my innate sense of this is our north star
Nope nope nope
And yet, considerate in being up front that sports is all he and his kids talk about! Reading that, I felt an immense wave of gratitude that no one would have to find that out over even the smallest amount of time.
Please God, let him also burp at the table.... 🙏
The red flags as I read them are: 1) all we do are sports. There is clearly no room for your partner’s interests. 2) The potential partner has to be okay with sarcasm and teasing, as he dishes them out. Is he really going to welcome a true give and take? And thirdly as Jenny pointed out, there isn’t a word in here about giving back to a partner, which is the biggest red flag of all. I would run away from this one.
On the subject of directives, a man I dated wrote “must love dogs” in his profile, which seeeemed benign, but turned out to be legit red flag that any partner would be his second-favorite beast.
Please.. he would be the worst to date.. they sit around laughing and joking at you and you have to laugh about it… pass please
The directive is scary. I chatted briefly in-app with a man who wrote in his big adventurer/philosopher profile, “must be comfortable sitting on the ground.” It kind of fit in with the themes of camping? His red flags got redder quickly when we chatted.
I agree Jennie this is one that even though the rhet patts are there, there is a deep pull to be ok with this. Some subconscious misogyny patriarchy programming? I completely missed the disciplinary directive until someone pointed it out.
I agree completely. "OK...the poking and sarcasm and disrepect...that's all normal. Might as well give this guy a chance." Eeeek! It's all so messed up and unlearning that acceptance of sh*tty relationships is a difficult process. It feels, quite frankly, impossible at times.
Yeah it’s been haunting me. The ‘aw boys will be boys!’ It’s like the way he wrote this pulled each corner from some secret playbook to entrap us. Freaky!
I'm curious about the 'must take and give sarcasm' part.
I'm pretty sure she is expected to 'take' sarcasm, but what if she obliges and 'gives' it?
Will sarcastic comments by her, adressed at him, be accepted?
I doubt it very much! 😂
Thanks but a big no thanks. I do not understand how his profile is enticing to any woman even if she is into many sports. Who wants to be the the "new guy" coming into an established sarcasm circle? And to the "must be able to laugh"....I should not curse on here, but **** He wants easy? Make it real easy for him and B2B and then run the fastest mile in the opposite direction that you ever have.
his kids come first and he wants a door mat, probably a 'bang maid' as they say on reddit. this is off topic, but I have been doing a deep dive into cults/high control groups (of which I have experienced a few, including one on one/abusive men, but also spiritual groups/teachers) and CDA has helped me recognize nonsense, in particular recognizing a 'thought stopping cliché'. as i look around for a potential spiritual home, which i have been doing for at least as long as I have been looking for a life partner (and I have more hope of finding) I B2B a lot. it's easy, if they say 'high vibes,' I'm out.
Eewwwwwwww!