Strike the Match: Break your dating app cycle of doom

The Haystack Countdown: T-Minus 6 Weeks!

Strike the Match: The Haystack Countdown. T-Minus 6 Weeks!

We’re six weeks out from the Burn the Haystack book release. In this countdown series, I’m sharing the moments that shaped the method, and what it can change for you.

The dating app cycle of doom

In my early years on the dating apps, I found myself in an exhausting pattern. The more women I talked to, the more I realized I wasn’t alone.

The pattern looks like this: You decide you’re going to give the dating apps a try, and you spend hours setting up a killer profile and thoughtfully engaging with prompts. Over time—sometimes days, sometimes months—you become so frustrated and demoralized that you shut it all down and decide you’d rather die alone. But then, three months later, you do it all over again.

Maybe this time will be different?

The moment I stopped negotiating with nonsense

After repeating a few cycles of this, feeling like a total loser, like someone who was too old, too demanding, too picky, and honestly just too bitchy to date, I got angry. I remember a moment, sitting at my IKEA desk one night, when a very clear thought materialized in my head. It sounded like this:

“We’re just not going to do this anymore. This is not okay with me.”

I was done. We were done. I wasn’t quite sure who “we” was in this moment but, looking back, it feels like a deep knowing that women were collectively done being treated like this on the dating apps–aggressed, commodified, exploited, deceived, and just annoyed.

Shifting from a depleting cycle to a more refreshing search for a real partner.

That quiet resolution wasn’t a solution quite yet. It was a boundary. In developing The Burned Haystack Method, I finally had a way to act on that boundary without spiraling or shrinking myself to keep someone interested.

After hashing out a set of rules and guidelines backed by my academic work in applied rhetoric, I started sharing everything with other women. I quickly realized this was more than just an experiment for my own sanity. This method was an essential missing piece that could help tens of thousands of other women gain the clarity and confidence to find partners who could meet their needs.

The “we” had taken on a real shape. The first match had been struck.

Working together, we’ve ignited a fire that continues to burn bright and beckon more women into this more hopeful and productive way of looking for love.

​​If you’ve ever deleted the apps in disgust, only to give them a second or third chance, you’re in good company. The last thing you want to do is swipe more. You deserve a method that gives you clarity around who is worth your time and the confidence to act on what you already know.

Burn the Haystack gives you a method for reading men’s profiles, messages, and early dating behavior, along with a process for deciding whether to engage with them.

If you’re reading this, now I know that the “we” is you and me, so thank you. 🙏

Ready to strike the match?

The latest events and opportunities to support the Burn the Haystack book launch.

Pre-order your copy today from your favorite retailer. Want a signed copy? Submit an order through Boswell, a local Wisconsin bookstore. If you’re in the Milwaukee area, join me for a book event on April 14th at 6:30pm! More in-person book tour events coming soon!

Help me celebrate the book launch. Submit your pre-order receipt to get on the guest list for my live virtual event on Monday, April 6th.

With gratitude,

Jennie