Strike the Match: From the cutting room floor

Needle success stories!

Welcome back to my weekly Burn the Haystack book countdown! We’re one month away from releasing this baby to the world on April 7th. If you haven’t yet, please consider pre-ordering the book today (pre-orders are the MOST powerful orders when it comes to bestseller status, so this is a concrete way to help if you’re willing ❤️). Then submit your receipt and save your spot at my free virtual book event before the big release day!

This week’s post is about real needle success stories and a gentle reminder that you’re not alone in this chaotic world of dating.

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Today’s post comes from the cutting room floor. Burn the Haystack includes many needle success stories alongside the method. A couple of stories I love did not make it into the final manuscript, either because they came too late to include or just because we didn’t have room in the book to include all the stories we wanted to, but they still deserve their moment in the spotlight.

In all the notes people share with me, there’s a tone of collective relief expressed, of finally understanding that our individual experiences have not been isolated incidents or personal failures.

Each of these stories highlights the emotional and physical relief that can come from finally finding true human connection. Your nervous system stops bracing for the next boundary test or disappearing act. Burn the Haystack helps you screen for safety and clarity so you can bask in the glow of the fireworks that follow rather than be distracted or burned by them from the start.

*Names have been changed in the stories below

Needle Spotlight 1: Boring in the best possible way

After two years of dating app chaos, Beth found Burn the Haystack and went scorched-earth, applying the Block-to-Burn rule to her matches with reckless abandon. She took finding a partner seriously and started to expect the same in return. Two weeks later, she matched with a 30-something professional who enjoyed cycling and photography. He was absolutely boring in the best way. (Her words, not mine!)

“For the first 2 weeks of dating, I didn’t know if I liked him romantically. He was best friend material, though. My therapist told me I was chasing dopamine highs after the online dating chaos, and that maybe he was REGULATING MY NERVOUS SYSTEM. It wasn’t too long after that realization that I fell all in.”

From here, the rest is Haystacker history. She’s now happily engaged and free of the relationship mental gymnastics she was used to.

“I cringe when I think about how much time I wasted tolerating, at best, mediocre communication and indecisive men or, at worst, narcissism. We deserve so. much. more. Block to burn as much as you possibly can. Don’t hold back. The needles are out there!!”

Needle Spotlight 2: You can be picky, older, long-distance and still find steady love

At 58 and twice divorced, Nicole was resolved to live happily alone, growing old with her amazing children and her growing brood of grandchildren. After some encouragement from her 18-year-old son, she dipped into the dating apps one more time with Burn the Haystack as her guide. She got radically picky and stopped editing herself. (Sound familiar?) When she matched with someone long-distance during a hard season, instead of rushing or vanishing, he chose steadiness.

“We weren’t able to physically meet for several weeks because he lived 150 miles away and within days of matching, his father went into hospice. I offered to wait on moving forward and stop calls until things had settled, but he asked if we could continue calls. So for a few weeks, we just talked. And we could talk for hours.”

What followed was a relationship built on deep respect, consent, and the kind of grown-up compatibility that gets better with time.

“He knows me inside and out. And loves me. I know him and adore him. We moved in together in July of this year. It has been bliss. And ladies… I am having the absolute best sex of my life. As much as anything, this is a love that has healed me in so many ways… not to say you NEED a relationship to heal. But it is wonderful when someone comes alongside you.”

The stories of many

Thank you to everyone who has trusted me with your story, your screenshots, your notes, and your brave “is it just me?” questions. The stories of many remind us that the answer, again and again, is no. You are not alone, and you are not broken.

I wrote Burn the Haystack to put words to what so many people have been quietly experiencing, and to give you a method you can practice until it becomes second nature. For the full framework and the full set of success stories, pre-order Burn the Haystack today.

See the details below on how to pre-order and join the book launch festivities!

Ready to strike the match?

The latest events and opportunities to support the Burn the Haystack book launch.

Pre-order your copy of Burn the Haystack. Take your pick from your favorite retailer. Want a signed copy? Submit an order through Boswell, a local Wisconsin bookstore.

Get on the virtual event guest list. Submit your pre-order receipt to save your spot for the live virtual event on Monday, April 6th. Before the big release day, I want to spend time with the community that helped validate and build this method into what it has become. I would love if you would join me—dispatching from my hotel room in New York—for some Q&A, camaraderie, and reflections/projections on the academic method that you all turned into a revolution. 🫶🔥

Come see me in person! I’m thrilled to announce the locations for The Burn the Haystack book tour. Click the links below for event details and ticket information. Don’t forget to RSVP, as space is limited.

• April 14: Milwaukee, WI at Boswell Books

• April 16th: Cleveland, OH at Cuyahoga Library (North Royalton Branch)

• April 21st: San Rafael, CA at Rodef Sholom

• May 2nd: Naperville, IL at Anderson’s Bookshop

• May 11th: Denver, CO at Tattered Cover: More details coming soon!

With gratitude,
Jennie