The First Rule of Burned Haystack Is: You Do Not Talk about Burned Haystack

But I don't mean that the way you think. Please read 🙏

A community member posed this question recently: Is the first rule of Burned Haystack that we don’t talk about Burned Haystack to men we’re dating?

My response was “yes,” but that’s an overly simplistic response, and it only applies narrowly.

Let me explain:

We are not trying to keep Burned Haystack a secret; that would be counterproductive. We’re trying to start a revolution here—we’re trying to change the culture. We can’t alter the discourse without fully entering the discourse.

HOWEVER, if the very specific question is, “Should I share with men I meet on dating apps that I’m using Burned Haystack?” then the answer is NO.

Burned Haystack is for YOU, it’s for women. It’s not for them. That doesn’t mean we don’t want them to learn about it, but it does mean we’re not going to TEACH them. They have to learn on their own time and with their own inspiration.

And you know what? The ones who are willing to do that — they’re not the problem. If there are men out there who recognize that they clearly “don’t get it,” whether that’s because they can’t get dates or their wives got fed up or their daughters won’t engage with them, and they genuinely want to enlighten themselves, then I say Welcome to the Burned Haystack Party. 🔥

I get this next question a lot, and I understand why:

Aren’t you worried, now that the method is getting so well-known, that men are going to figure out all our tricks and game the system?

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not worried about that. Here’s why:

The number one problem with men on the dating apps is male laziness. They won’t even read your profile; do you really think they’re going to do a deep dive on applied rhetoric grounded in feminist praxis and critical discourse analysis? Reader, they are not.

If you need evidence of this, I can assure you that the men are NOT listening to me. I have access to demographic metrics of followers, and my followers are nearly 100% women/nonbinary.

If you need more evidence, just swipe through your dating apps: Does it appear that any of these men have availed themselves of the information being freely offered to them for over a decade now? They’re still screaming NO DRAMA and posing with fish! 🤷‍♀️

The next question I get is, “But what about true psychopaths?”

First, true psychopaths—the violent kind—account for less than 1% of the population (yes, even the male population). They’re going to be a problem no matter what. Statistically, you’re very unlikely to encounter, number one, a true psychopath, and number two, a true psychopath who’s diligently studied a feminist dating method. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen; I’m just saying that, in a very pragmatic sense, there are other things to worry about.

To respond to a related question I was just asked:

How do we respond to men who just ask us about it — neutrally or even kindly — the ones who say, “What do you think about Burned Haystack?” or “Are you using it?”

I would simply say, “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of it!” Or simply, “What?”

Is this dishonest? Not really, not technically. Remember that in the early interactions on a dating app, you’re dealing with complete strangers. You don’t owe them full transparency. “Pure and total honesty” is a pretty weird ideal to cling to in very early messaging or dates, and it won’t serve you well.

So I would just be noncommittal. (The one person this doesn’t apply to is me. I have to disclose, and if I’m going to meet someone in person, I do; that’s my problem to contend with, lol — I created this monster and now I have to live with it 🤷‍♀️. I love my monster 👹❤️).

So, to sum up:

Keep it out of your very early dating app interactions (unless it’s crystal clear to you that the guy has actually studied it, actually GETS it, and actually SUPPORTS it (this happens more than you might suspect).

In every other case, go ahead and shout it from the rooftops. ❤️🔥🔥