Also... Ok, so this was long before I stumbled across Burned Haystack and also before I quiet, quitted online dating... I started seeing a guy, that today I wouldn't second glance but at the time, I was able to look past the sneaky flags (to a point) anyway, he came to my home for dinner (I cooked) after dinner, he went and watched tv with my son while I did the dishes, so I ended it later in the week... and any time I tell that story people get very confused and upset that, that was my deciding factor to end a potential relationship. I guess I was thin slicing before I knew it was a thing lol
I had a similar experience with a guy. Invited him to dinner. He came empty-handed and neither offered to help nor clean up afterwards. I felt like the mother of a teenaged boy. Dumped him after that.
Thanks for the laugh. Now that I've been properly trained by Jennie, I'd throw him on his ear (and because I'm Italian, I'd throw the box of Kraft Mac-n-cheese at his head).
I think it was the right decision. Back when I was dating I found that these guys would expect me to act at home at their place (participating in all the cooking, cleaning, errands) and they’d act like a special guest at my house. If anything was said, it was met with some version of “this is your house I’m just being respectful.” - yet they fully expected my free labor at their house. No thank you. Never again.
I love this for you and completely understand. The bar is so low, everyone tells me how lucky I am (and unfortunately, it's true) that my boyfriend loves to cook and can't relax until he cleans the entire kitchen afterwards. My mom once insinuated that he was close to being a woman for being so considerate of his living space and knowing when to buy more bread (seriously). Low effort men who can't do the bare minimum should never be considered for dating.
My partner is the same way! Sometimes I actually wish he would just leave the dishes rinsed until morning, but it's physically impossible for him 😆If some guy let me cook and didn't offer to at least help me clean up, they would be long gone. The nerve of people. 🙄
I hear you! I once dumped a guy I’d been dating nearly a year. After a snowstorm knocked out his power, he brought his dog with him to stay at my place for the night. At one point, his very large dog peed on the floor - actually onto my expensive floor rug which can only be professionally cleaned. Of course I jump led into damage control mode. And he just continued to SIT on the sofa with NO offer to help me. There was no coming back from that!
How do they think that's acceptable/normal? And now I have questions about how clean they are in their own home, like how do they even survive? Are there cross contamination issues in their homes or 🤷♀️
Men have been known to focus one just one part of a woman's body, so why wouldn't they deliberately display parts of their own? To THIN SLICE THIS: He's offering up part of his body and wants (just) part of yours.
Jennifer Lyne: An example- Ashley Madison- is filled with male torso shots.
Many acts and inactions by men are intentional, deliberate and speak to what they value. Just because woman can not conceive of it, does not make it unintentional by men.
I guarantee he would have been able to both work out how to fix the pics and have been motivated to spend the time doing so if the fish he caught back in 1985 was cut out of said pic.
Hinge doesn’t even have a photo upload tool that doubles as an IQ test! This is just strange and deliberate. Or he doesn’t want to be screenshot with a face while still showing his manly lumps. The rhetorical terrain of app dating is truly vexing 🥴
Same! And I'll block anyone using emojis to fill out the word count, who says, "these things are hard to fill out", who says "just ask!", or one word answers to prompts, if their "greatest strength" is folding laundry or "unusual skill" is holding both a slice of pizza and a conversation....I could go on and on and on 😂🤯
NTA. Ultimately, your dating decisions belong to you, and it’s your job to decide if you can handle, at best, an imprecise partner. B2B doesn’t hurt the man. It doesn’t mean he’s a monster, it means you don’t want to spend time on him. And this is the MAGIC of BHDM. It puts the power back in your hands to decide for yourself, independent of other’s thoughts or decisions. Another woman may not care about dripped paint or socks outside of the hamper (🤬), but you do and since you’re the Captain of your own life, you get to miss the behaviors that bother you most. The great news for everyone else is: you B2B only for yourself. Everyone else has the opportunity to decide for themselves. The only right answer for your adventure is your own.
Especially on OKCupid I come across photos posted on their side. Some of the guy's photos are fine but one or two are on their side. Has he not checked to see how everything looks? Quite likely. Does he not know how to fix it? I know from experience that sometimes the photo can look ok on your phone but come out sideways when shared. I know how to fix that, but let's say he doesn't. Does he really think it's ok to leave it on its side and make me turn my phone sideways (or laptop!!) sideways to get a good look? NOPE. I'm not doing your work for you when clearly you don't care enough to make a good impression. Immediate B2B.
Did anyone else read "which has been proven highly accurate when properly employed" in Elle Woods' voice? Just me?
If this guy was attaching a pic to a resume or application to the golf club, he would make sure it was right. But not when applying for a date. Weird choice, mate, but maybe somewhere there's a woman on Hinge swiping along, dreaming of a lazy headless man who really fills out his polo shirt. Good luck.
As a self-proclaimed technology idiot, both slices came to mind when I saw the original post. I’ve dated men who don’t know how to COPY & PASTE a link, or send an image from their phone. It’s exhausting. It comes up way too many times in conversation & slows me down when I have things to do. “Good enough” is fine for some things, but not with very basic technology that’s designed to make life so much easier. These guys need to date women at the same tech competency level as they are. As far as not fixing it even after seeing it's wrong, this is their ONE chance to shine & show their best self to all the single women, so this screams LAZY. BARE MINIMUM. The audacity.
He wants someone to do the hard things for him. He wants a secretary (but he'll call you his "sexytary"). He'll do the bare minimum and expect you to fix everything that he can't get right. He'll always have an excuse for why he can't do it (and he always finds a way to blame modern tech or "kids these days" or "the gays" or liberals). Also, he's just like my ex.
Weaponized incompetence. After I completed my profile there is a tab to see what your profile looks like. Men expect that women will make many allowances for them, this profile is just the beginning.
NTA. I completely agree. I see everything in retrospect as I am still extricating myself from the nearly 8 year "relationship" with the guy I fell for online. I wish I could say there was a honeymoon period, but he showed and told me who was from day one. 8 years ago, if I thought "Mark" was attractive-based on his other pics, and he reached out to me-even minimally liking one of my photos, I would have ignored those "accidental pics and taken him on as a project. I have learned my lesson, finally.
I can honestly say in our time this happened to me…… but I reviewed my profile, discovered it and fixed it within hours. Definitely review your profiles when you are done!!!
The chopping is deliberate, not stupid or clueless. He's advertising a body part. Maybe there's a mentality of "I'm a leg man, I'm a cupcake man.." He (and many other guys) wants you to focus on this one area of fascination. Sometimes it is a gym shot.
I agree.... I think he wants to be sure women see his dad bod so they won't be disappointed in person. Not sure why he has to chop his head off in order to do this so then maybe it then falls into a thin slice category there.
"Torso shots" are very common for men to want to be admired. They must think this essential part of who they are- And I am pretty sure they are advertising sexual availibility.
NTA
Also... Ok, so this was long before I stumbled across Burned Haystack and also before I quiet, quitted online dating... I started seeing a guy, that today I wouldn't second glance but at the time, I was able to look past the sneaky flags (to a point) anyway, he came to my home for dinner (I cooked) after dinner, he went and watched tv with my son while I did the dishes, so I ended it later in the week... and any time I tell that story people get very confused and upset that, that was my deciding factor to end a potential relationship. I guess I was thin slicing before I knew it was a thing lol
I had a similar experience with a guy. Invited him to dinner. He came empty-handed and neither offered to help nor clean up afterwards. I felt like the mother of a teenaged boy. Dumped him after that.
I had a guy say he was going to bring me dinner. He came over and handed me a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese and expected me to make it for us.
Thanks for the laugh. Now that I've been properly trained by Jennie, I'd throw him on his ear (and because I'm Italian, I'd throw the box of Kraft Mac-n-cheese at his head).
I would have taken the box and said anything else. Dude could’ve brought take out.
Showing up empty handed is just rude. I would wonder how he was raised.
I think it was the right decision. Back when I was dating I found that these guys would expect me to act at home at their place (participating in all the cooking, cleaning, errands) and they’d act like a special guest at my house. If anything was said, it was met with some version of “this is your house I’m just being respectful.” - yet they fully expected my free labor at their house. No thank you. Never again.
The double standards are gross, I can't be with someone who can't give the same energy as me…
Way to dodge a bullet. He's a man child.
A labour digger at least
I love this for you and completely understand. The bar is so low, everyone tells me how lucky I am (and unfortunately, it's true) that my boyfriend loves to cook and can't relax until he cleans the entire kitchen afterwards. My mom once insinuated that he was close to being a woman for being so considerate of his living space and knowing when to buy more bread (seriously). Low effort men who can't do the bare minimum should never be considered for dating.
My partner is the same way! Sometimes I actually wish he would just leave the dishes rinsed until morning, but it's physically impossible for him 😆If some guy let me cook and didn't offer to at least help me clean up, they would be long gone. The nerve of people. 🙄
I hear you! I once dumped a guy I’d been dating nearly a year. After a snowstorm knocked out his power, he brought his dog with him to stay at my place for the night. At one point, his very large dog peed on the floor - actually onto my expensive floor rug which can only be professionally cleaned. Of course I jump led into damage control mode. And he just continued to SIT on the sofa with NO offer to help me. There was no coming back from that!
not the rug 😭 I would've kicked him out in the middle of the storm
Yikes!!! That's so bad!! You did the right thing.
How do they think that's acceptable/normal? And now I have questions about how clean they are in their own home, like how do they even survive? Are there cross contamination issues in their homes or 🤷♀️
Good for you for not wasting time! Expected you to cook and didn’t help with the dishes? Buh bye!
NTA. He’s either a dope or he’s weird, neither of which we are looking for at this point in our dating life.
😂 It's too bad we're not, though, because imagine the possibilities.
Ha ha
Yeah - we could totally end the male loneliness epidemic (hah!)
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many possibilities.... LOLOLOL!
Could it be “I’M TOLD THE DAD BOD IS TRENDY. BEHOLD MY DAD BOD!”?
It is deliberate. The torso, by itself, is to be admired. Seen this a few thousand of times on hook up dating sites.
That seems dumb when you have this guys torso. In an unflattering shirt.
Hahahaha! No kidding. Does this guy not own a full-length mirror???
Deliberate torso only? That is weird and creepy!!!
Men have been known to focus one just one part of a woman's body, so why wouldn't they deliberately display parts of their own? To THIN SLICE THIS: He's offering up part of his body and wants (just) part of yours.
Still weird and creepy LOL!!
I’ve seen it to, who would take a photo of just their belly or chest with clothes on? It’s intentional.
I don’t think it’s intentional…I think it’s not checking after uploading. And I agree with the thin-slicing!
Jennifer Lyne: An example- Ashley Madison- is filled with male torso shots.
Many acts and inactions by men are intentional, deliberate and speak to what they value. Just because woman can not conceive of it, does not make it unintentional by men.
Well if it's unintentional then he's careless. That's no good either.
I guarantee he would have been able to both work out how to fix the pics and have been motivated to spend the time doing so if the fish he caught back in 1985 was cut out of said pic.
😂🤣😂
Excellent point!
I B2B anyone who can’t figure out how to rotate a photo for very similar reasons. I may also be an asshole.
Hahahahahaha, YES!, please be an asshole with me. 😂
Hinge doesn’t even have a photo upload tool that doubles as an IQ test! This is just strange and deliberate. Or he doesn’t want to be screenshot with a face while still showing his manly lumps. The rhetorical terrain of app dating is truly vexing 🥴
Same! And I'll block anyone using emojis to fill out the word count, who says, "these things are hard to fill out", who says "just ask!", or one word answers to prompts, if their "greatest strength" is folding laundry or "unusual skill" is holding both a slice of pizza and a conversation....I could go on and on and on 😂🤯
“I’m an open book!”
🤮soooo annoying.
Yeh but The Bible, Shakespeare, 50 shades of grey, Beginners guide to trout fishing….?
Definitely the trout fishing one.
🎣
Spoiler alert!! He's the asshole.
😂🤣😂
Me too! :-D
NTA. Ultimately, your dating decisions belong to you, and it’s your job to decide if you can handle, at best, an imprecise partner. B2B doesn’t hurt the man. It doesn’t mean he’s a monster, it means you don’t want to spend time on him. And this is the MAGIC of BHDM. It puts the power back in your hands to decide for yourself, independent of other’s thoughts or decisions. Another woman may not care about dripped paint or socks outside of the hamper (🤬), but you do and since you’re the Captain of your own life, you get to miss the behaviors that bother you most. The great news for everyone else is: you B2B only for yourself. Everyone else has the opportunity to decide for themselves. The only right answer for your adventure is your own.
Love this statement! :)
Especially on OKCupid I come across photos posted on their side. Some of the guy's photos are fine but one or two are on their side. Has he not checked to see how everything looks? Quite likely. Does he not know how to fix it? I know from experience that sometimes the photo can look ok on your phone but come out sideways when shared. I know how to fix that, but let's say he doesn't. Does he really think it's ok to leave it on its side and make me turn my phone sideways (or laptop!!) sideways to get a good look? NOPE. I'm not doing your work for you when clearly you don't care enough to make a good impression. Immediate B2B.
Most Deliberate. He's letting the ladies know what to expect in bed. B2B as a sexual advertisement.
If he doesn’t even proof his profile, he has a lazy mind. Mental laziness is a definite B2B.
Right, this is my feeling.
Very strange and not willing to date strange. I can get enough of that on Netflix, which I can also turn off whenever I want. NTA
Did anyone else read "which has been proven highly accurate when properly employed" in Elle Woods' voice? Just me?
If this guy was attaching a pic to a resume or application to the golf club, he would make sure it was right. But not when applying for a date. Weird choice, mate, but maybe somewhere there's a woman on Hinge swiping along, dreaming of a lazy headless man who really fills out his polo shirt. Good luck.
As a self-proclaimed technology idiot, both slices came to mind when I saw the original post. I’ve dated men who don’t know how to COPY & PASTE a link, or send an image from their phone. It’s exhausting. It comes up way too many times in conversation & slows me down when I have things to do. “Good enough” is fine for some things, but not with very basic technology that’s designed to make life so much easier. These guys need to date women at the same tech competency level as they are. As far as not fixing it even after seeing it's wrong, this is their ONE chance to shine & show their best self to all the single women, so this screams LAZY. BARE MINIMUM. The audacity.
He wants someone to do the hard things for him. He wants a secretary (but he'll call you his "sexytary"). He'll do the bare minimum and expect you to fix everything that he can't get right. He'll always have an excuse for why he can't do it (and he always finds a way to blame modern tech or "kids these days" or "the gays" or liberals). Also, he's just like my ex.
A pet name to go along with his weaponized incompetence! How charming. 😐
Weaponized incompetence. After I completed my profile there is a tab to see what your profile looks like. Men expect that women will make many allowances for them, this profile is just the beginning.
NTA. I completely agree. I see everything in retrospect as I am still extricating myself from the nearly 8 year "relationship" with the guy I fell for online. I wish I could say there was a honeymoon period, but he showed and told me who was from day one. 8 years ago, if I thought "Mark" was attractive-based on his other pics, and he reached out to me-even minimally liking one of my photos, I would have ignored those "accidental pics and taken him on as a project. I have learned my lesson, finally.
I think you're speaking for many of us here. ((❤️))
I can honestly say in our time this happened to me…… but I reviewed my profile, discovered it and fixed it within hours. Definitely review your profiles when you are done!!!
I think he’s showing off his “dad bod.” He heard that’s what we like these days. 😂
He could do that without chopping his off though, right?
The chopping is deliberate, not stupid or clueless. He's advertising a body part. Maybe there's a mentality of "I'm a leg man, I'm a cupcake man.." He (and many other guys) wants you to focus on this one area of fascination. Sometimes it is a gym shot.
I agree.... I think he wants to be sure women see his dad bod so they won't be disappointed in person. Not sure why he has to chop his head off in order to do this so then maybe it then falls into a thin slice category there.
He's unconsciously thin slicing his own sorry self! 🤣🔪😂
He is compartmentalizing.
If, and only if, he made a self-deprecating joke about his dad bod, and if, and only if, the joke was funny, would this be ok with me.
"Torso shots" are very common for men to want to be admired. They must think this essential part of who they are- And I am pretty sure they are advertising sexual availibility.
Ahh. If he’s riffing on that, it’s actually funny to me. But it’s not obvious enough to be funny in this context.
NTA I married a 'careless' man. It is EXHAUSTING. It permeates every aspect of your life. Never again.