This is How You Use Rhetorical Patterning as a Secret Weapon on the Dating Apps

a real life example

Burned Haystack group member question:

Please tell me what I overlooked here because I sure misjudged this one. I permitted “I am the prize” as it was worded differently but surely there are more clues. We exchanged a few texts and one telephone conversation over four days. Then he asked to change my name! I felt this was his first step to change and control me. I never answered. Just b2b.

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Okay, first, let’s look at his profile text (this is before he asked her to change her name):

And here’s the ask (her actual name is Betsy):

And now the analysis, using Burned Haystack® rhetorical patterning (you can see all the rhetorical patterns at the “rhet patts” highlight on my IG grid: https://www.instagram.com/word_case_scenario/

Analysis:

You’re asking the right question (“What did I miss?”) and the answer is contained in 3 short words: “Take a chance.”

Let me explain, because I’m definitely not blaming you, and I know I missed several of these myself in my early dating app days.

“Take a chance,” is a directive. This man, whom you do not know, is GIVING YOU A DIRECTION. This falls into the “disciplinary/directive male profile,” which is at the high-toxic end of the rhetorical pattern spectrum.

The way he phrased it is low-key, which is why you missed it, but that actually doesn’t matter because the rhetorical reveal is the same: this is a man who assumes authority and directorial control over women.

And look how quickly he confirmed that: He literally asked you to CHANGE YOUR NAME! I mean, good god, your name is your *identity*, and after one phone call he felt it appropriate to suggest you alter that about yourself. The audacity of this is almost shocking in its extremity and impropriety, but it’s a GREAT example of how deconstructing text --- reading for words and patterns rather than glossing the surface --- gives us tons of crucial information.

Block to burn. 🔥🔥🔥