The most demanding men I know, swear up and down they are easygoing. The most reactive and touchy men I know, boast they are drama-free. The men with the weakest handle on the emotional responses, insist they are rational. (I’m fairly certain at this point very few men define rational or common sense correctly.) While they may admit to “not being perfect, after all, we’re all human” the problem is never them. It is never their fault. So exhausting and irritating. I usually laugh in their faces, although I don’t recommend that, because it doesn’t go over well, and some of these men may hurt you.
It’s true about laughing at them. I laughed at a guy who turned around everything I said back on me, after he asked me to tell him why I didn’t feel safe with him anymore (thankfully never went past the talking stage). We were talking in a public parking lot. When I started to laugh, he completely and utterly melted down, started screaming at me and calling me a f****** a****** and stormed off to his truck and squealed out of the lot. It was oddly satisfying but also shocking. So glad it was in a public space with lots of witnesses!
I think it was on Jennie’s site that I read, “Men are afraid of being laughed at. Women are afraid of being killed.” I’m so glad you are safe but also sorry this happened to you.
The worse part is that the people who were there, I considered friends. No one stuck up for me when the youngster was clearly the aggressor. I feel like men are even bolder with their misogyny than before. The reaction of my “friends” didn’t help.
"Friends" - sounds like you may need to do a re-evaluation and possible some blocking and burning there also. I have done some definite 'cleaning house' since following this method. It's been wonderful.
I'm glad that you did. I get that it 'rankles' you still. It sucks to realize the people who you invested in, because you thought they were friends, turned out to just be nothing of the sort. Here's to being picky about everyone to whom we grant access to our lives.
After leaving my toxic marriage, I did the same. I no longer tolerate disrespect and a lack of mutuality from friends. I cleaned house of almost everyone and am now rebuilding. I think I let emotionally unhealthy people into my life (can’t always tell right away) and then let them stay. So now, I have fewer friends but they’re solid people. My group of former friends weren’t without their qualities; they were simply unhealed from their own traumas. Now that I’ve healed quite a bit, my standards are higher. They’re now at what most people from healthy families would consider their baseline. So be it. At least I’m growing.
Yes, I’ve seen that several times, and am reminded of this incident. It’s too bad it happened, but he DID ask for my feedback. His response to my feedback was just so absurd that I couldn’t help but laugh lol 🤦♀️
Something very similar happened to me. I politely called out a mediocre man for disrespectful behavior towards others. The guy freaked out.
After I laughed at him when he called me an ugly, old, bitch, he started yelling and coming at me. Of course the other men present said I was in the wrong for laughing at him and the women there were silent.
Absolutely. Laugh later, in the safety of your own home while recounting the scenario to a trusted friend. I understand the impulse to laugh. It feels good to stand up for yourself. We just have to balance this need with the more important one of staying safe.
HE freaked out, then insulted you and the other men blamed you for laughing at him???? These men were trash. Its unbelievable how men react when they are being called out and or criticized.
It feels so uncomfortable to witness a man you’re on a date with disrespecting others. One option is to always have your own transportation and be ready to walk away at a moment’s notice.
It's so true! It's also interesting both men and women will say they like a sense of humor and someone who is funny is attractive but for men that means "women who laugh at their jokes" not women who are funny. Men generally rate women who are funny as less attractive than those who aren't. They like when women appreciate their jokes but not when women laugh AT them.
This describes my ex to a T. Absolutely accurate. And the good thing is due to finding BHDM and the folks here, I will never get into a relationship like with someone like that again!
That’s my ex! He prides himself on his rationality, which is actually his inability to connect emotionally. I believe this lack of connection and empathy for one’s partner is what allows these monsters of men to harm women. Well, it’s at least a contributing factor. But none of the possible motivating traits matter. What matters is that women escape from these jerks as quickly as possible.
Wow. Aside from everything else, that phrase "I simply request" is terrifying. I picture him standing there, wearing a stern expression, both annoyed and disappointed, setting down the rules, the expectations that have not been met, with an underlying threat of punishment. Horrible. I'm so glad the writer is out of that relationship - and hope she is working with a therapist to recover from the trauma of it. Sending much love and support to her and all of us for strength and self-respect in the coming year.
“Seething.” What a great word. That’s how I describe my ex husband. Why do these types who portray themselves as quiet, mild-mannered, relaxed, have so much latent anger?
I was married for 23 years to an incredibly passive aggressive man. Everyone thought he was a total sweetheart. My last boyfriend (8 years ago) walked around huffing and puffing and doing sneaky mean sh*t. I would describe both of them as seething and neither of them ever would have admitted it.
I was married to pasive-agressive for 20 years . We remained friendly and he still doesn't see what was the problem. To many I was the witch and he was the angel. My mental and physical health improved greatly from when I am alone (6 years now).
They consciously decide what face to show to which people, don’t they? We get the angry, withholding one while the rest of the world gets the “I’m such a nice guy” face. Mine would still be trying to be my buddy (which is all he ever really wanted, anyway) if he hadn’t died. (I do not miss him one iota.) I understand the health issue as well, I had ulcers by the time I left.
This public persona act is manipulative . The “nice guy” I am married to (and no longer live with) liked to chase me down and strangle me while pounding my head on the floor and threatening to kill me. Under that seething is rage. (Yet he’s somehow always the victim!?!) Run away from this at the first sign. It only gets worse.
I took a very brief foray into a dating app shortly after I learned about BHDM so I could read over some profiles and see if I could apply this new knowledge I'd acquired. And something I noticed right away was that, in about 95% of the profiles (the ones that actually had stuff written in them), the men described themselves as "easy going". I started to wonder what this even meant, because in my experience, no they are fucking not. I suspect what they really mean is that they are "easy going", as long as everything goes exactly the way they want/expect/demand. I think that descriptor alone in a dating app profile is kind of a red flag all on its own.
My brother is a misogynistic sod, I always choose not to drink too much in his presence because he loves to bait me into a political discussion that generally ends with him invalidating and blaming me for a previous violent relationship with my sons dad- neither my 19yo son nor I speak to the dad and I usually only see my brother once or twice a year...
Anyway, I can usually tell when my brother is on the apps because his messages (to me and probably to everyone) are more "easygoing"... they're "easygoing" until they've found someone to fill a role, then they can return to their normal misogynistic selves again- it's a role they play
I was in a short term relationship with a man for about two years. I missed some of the red flags in the beginning. One of the things he used to say was that he liked being ‘spontaneous’. But as time went on, I observed him having a very rigid lifestyle. ( He worked at night and had some hang ups post divorce 6 years.) And we actually had a conversation about this conflict between his words and his actual lifestyle. I don’t think he saw it before. At any rate, I can see now that there was some mild control issues and rigidity in his lifestyle. At the time I was recently divorced and going back to college so I wasn’t looking for anything committed. But as time went by, and I got my feet underneath of me and got grounded, I started to realize that that style of relationship ultimately was not what I wanted. And by then he was already beginning to show some signs of small sabotage in the relationship. I finally decided I was not being cherished, and I ended it. But on the outside looking in, he was a great guy and seemed to have all of his ducks in order. But I can see now looking back how I tolerated some things I should not have. Hindsight is 2020.
My 31-year-old son Henry, my almost 91-year-old dad and my late husband Steve — with whom I had an extraordinarily happy 10-year marriage — are sort of my touchstones. They are and were the best men I know. If I’m on the fence about something a man has written, I will ask myself, “Would Henry, Steve or my dad EVER say this?” If the answer is no, that’s an easy block-to-burn.
Here's a parallel. Years ago I tried to develop an assessment for a model of effectiveness we had created in my training business. I even hired a PhD assessment creator to help. We did a soft test with a whole slew of coaching clients we were working with -- and whom we knew very well.
It DID not work, but I learned a lot. 1) that humans cannot rate their own level of effectiveness no matter how cleverly you create an assessment (different from a personality assessment -- think of this more like how actually aware and present is the person). Maybe as 360 review, where you ask a bunch of people around them.
But more importantly, 2) that there was pretty much an inverse correlation effect. That is, people who we knew were leading lives that were highly effective--full of love and connection, with opportunities and experiences that aligned more with what they wanted, etc. -- were much more likely to say they rated LOWER. And people we knew who were leading lives that were really NOT very effective--lacking love and connection, missing opportunities and experiences that aligned more with what they wanted, etc. -- were much more likely to say they rated HIGHER. They invariably inflated their ratings past what we saw in the evidence.
My takeaway is that people of higher awareness are more honest. They know they don't ALWAYS avoid drama, even if they do most of the time. They know that they are not perfect so they don't claim it.
I recall learning about this in my Anthropology studies. Self reporting and assessment are incredibly unreliable. I think one researcher learned this by going through people's garbage. For example. people will grossly underestimate how much alcohol they drink and junk food they eat, but empty beer bottles and fast food packaging don't lie.
Kind of -- I think of Dunning-Kruger as overestimating knowledge or skill, and in this case, it was overestimating their awareness/consciousness/enlightenment. But maybe we can apply D-K here as well!
The point of D-K is that beginners overestimate their skill and experts underestimate it, so it seems to be exactly what you're talking about in 2), no?
I dated a guy that fits in these three categories for way too long. He was psychology abusive and sexually coercive. The abuse started slowly and I dismissed it because it was small and infrequent until it wasn't. He was the victim of his ex-wife. When anyone says their ex is "crazy" I run, because they are the problem. He had so much drama with his ex and custody battle. It was exhausting. I eventually left. Two years after leaving I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I think the chronic stress played a big part. His dad treated his Mom poorly too, and she had breast cancer as well. It makes my stomach sick thinking about it now. Thank you Jennie for your work.
I went on a coupla dates with a guy about a year ago who on date #2 described both his ex-wives as insane. That was actually the first time I was aware that he’d been divorced twice. I said, “What does it say about you that you picked not one but TWO insane women to marry?” He was a little taken aback by that and never contacted me again, bwahahahaha!
I love asking men if they are friends with any of their exes to see what type of information I can get from their responses. It’s not foolproof, but it does weed out the “all my exes are insane bitches” men.
the difference between "I simply request" and "It would mean a lot to me/I would love" is huge. "I simply request" reveals exasperation at having to make the request, so it's actually code for "I demand and I will be angry if I don't get it." It is what you say to an unruly child. Run.
None of the dating app profile should be about ANYONE except the dude who it belongs to, in my opinion. There's no "nice way" to tell random strangers how they should be.
I look back and realize how many red flags I subconsciously registered, but ignored. I mean, there were so many RAGING red flags that I think I made allowances for lesser ones, which were still signs of danger and toxicity ahead. I wish Burned Haystack had existed sooner!
A big red flag is him telling you what you need to be or how you need to act in what is supposed to be his BIO. He’s supposed to be telling you about himself instead of putting in his order for a trad wife.
Spot on. The pattern I see with these “moral compass broadcasters” is that they use labels as licensing to be arseholes. In their minds, they have given themselves permission to treat women poorly as they have believe their own lies of being “empaths” or “non-abusers.” To me, it’s the equivalent of preachers who commit crimes.
No one easy going uses words like “unyielding” and “unwavering” to describe what they want from someone, no matter what words follow them. So right off the bat he’s a liar who is trying to deceive you into believing he is something he is not.
My heart goes out to this reader and I'm glad she survived. Many of us have found ourselves opening up emotionally to someone we never should have, it's mind-boggling.
The most demanding men I know, swear up and down they are easygoing. The most reactive and touchy men I know, boast they are drama-free. The men with the weakest handle on the emotional responses, insist they are rational. (I’m fairly certain at this point very few men define rational or common sense correctly.) While they may admit to “not being perfect, after all, we’re all human” the problem is never them. It is never their fault. So exhausting and irritating. I usually laugh in their faces, although I don’t recommend that, because it doesn’t go over well, and some of these men may hurt you.
It’s true about laughing at them. I laughed at a guy who turned around everything I said back on me, after he asked me to tell him why I didn’t feel safe with him anymore (thankfully never went past the talking stage). We were talking in a public parking lot. When I started to laugh, he completely and utterly melted down, started screaming at me and calling me a f****** a****** and stormed off to his truck and squealed out of the lot. It was oddly satisfying but also shocking. So glad it was in a public space with lots of witnesses!
I think it was on Jennie’s site that I read, “Men are afraid of being laughed at. Women are afraid of being killed.” I’m so glad you are safe but also sorry this happened to you.
Thank you. ❤️
The worse part is that the people who were there, I considered friends. No one stuck up for me when the youngster was clearly the aggressor. I feel like men are even bolder with their misogyny than before. The reaction of my “friends” didn’t help.
"Friends" - sounds like you may need to do a re-evaluation and possible some blocking and burning there also. I have done some definite 'cleaning house' since following this method. It's been wonderful.
Don’t worry. I did. It’s been over a year since I’ve talked to them. Still rankles though.
I'm glad that you did. I get that it 'rankles' you still. It sucks to realize the people who you invested in, because you thought they were friends, turned out to just be nothing of the sort. Here's to being picky about everyone to whom we grant access to our lives.
After leaving my toxic marriage, I did the same. I no longer tolerate disrespect and a lack of mutuality from friends. I cleaned house of almost everyone and am now rebuilding. I think I let emotionally unhealthy people into my life (can’t always tell right away) and then let them stay. So now, I have fewer friends but they’re solid people. My group of former friends weren’t without their qualities; they were simply unhealed from their own traumas. Now that I’ve healed quite a bit, my standards are higher. They’re now at what most people from healthy families would consider their baseline. So be it. At least I’m growing.
I absolutely agree, misogyny has been normalized with the current administration. Your friends need a lesson in BHDM analysis.
They are bolder, thanks to the manosphere.
Yes this is a Margaret Atwood quote from the1980s which she concluded after discussions with a lot of men and women.
Thank you for providing a source. It feels even more relevant today, sadly.
Yes, I’ve seen that several times, and am reminded of this incident. It’s too bad it happened, but he DID ask for my feedback. His response to my feedback was just so absurd that I couldn’t help but laugh lol 🤦♀️
Something very similar happened to me. I politely called out a mediocre man for disrespectful behavior towards others. The guy freaked out.
After I laughed at him when he called me an ugly, old, bitch, he started yelling and coming at me. Of course the other men present said I was in the wrong for laughing at him and the women there were silent.
I think laughing was the perfect response. I would have laughed along with you at a grown ‘man’ acting like that 🤷♀️
I would not likely laugh in a situation like that because my father was dangerous.
I would get away as quickly and quietly as possible and let my friends and neighbors know.
I am glad that you were not hurt.
Absolutely. Laugh later, in the safety of your own home while recounting the scenario to a trusted friend. I understand the impulse to laugh. It feels good to stand up for yourself. We just have to balance this need with the more important one of staying safe.
HE freaked out, then insulted you and the other men blamed you for laughing at him???? These men were trash. Its unbelievable how men react when they are being called out and or criticized.
It feels so uncomfortable to witness a man you’re on a date with disrespecting others. One option is to always have your own transportation and be ready to walk away at a moment’s notice.
It's so true! It's also interesting both men and women will say they like a sense of humor and someone who is funny is attractive but for men that means "women who laugh at their jokes" not women who are funny. Men generally rate women who are funny as less attractive than those who aren't. They like when women appreciate their jokes but not when women laugh AT them.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10481040/
I’ve found that there are few ways to make many men angrier than a woman laughing at them. So I do it anyway if they deserve it.
Yes! My Cluster B ex claimed that he was “drama-free” and “rational”. He lives in a complete fantasy world.
“My Cluster B” as a reference made me laugh. (Not that having a cluster B anyone around you is funny!) Yoink!
Weirdly predictable
This describes my ex to a T. Absolutely accurate. And the good thing is due to finding BHDM and the folks here, I will never get into a relationship like with someone like that again!
Any time I see any reference to 'perfect' is automatically a no for me as well. Again, why even bring that up? And to use as a metric? Hell to the no
That’s my ex! He prides himself on his rationality, which is actually his inability to connect emotionally. I believe this lack of connection and empathy for one’s partner is what allows these monsters of men to harm women. Well, it’s at least a contributing factor. But none of the possible motivating traits matter. What matters is that women escape from these jerks as quickly as possible.
Yep and the only people who ever talk down to me for not immediately blindly trusting them were literally scamming me.
Anytime I see profiles with “lists”, I automatically btb, always have. I’ve come to find that all those lists are really self admissions;
“Don’t be crazy” (they are)
“Please be honest “(they are not)
“Do not use drugs” (they have dui)
Read between the lines. It’s all there.
Wow. Aside from everything else, that phrase "I simply request" is terrifying. I picture him standing there, wearing a stern expression, both annoyed and disappointed, setting down the rules, the expectations that have not been met, with an underlying threat of punishment. Horrible. I'm so glad the writer is out of that relationship - and hope she is working with a therapist to recover from the trauma of it. Sending much love and support to her and all of us for strength and self-respect in the coming year.
I felt gut punched at that phrase, too. He’s literally seething as he types out those three simple words.
“Seething.” What a great word. That’s how I describe my ex husband. Why do these types who portray themselves as quiet, mild-mannered, relaxed, have so much latent anger?
I was married for 23 years to an incredibly passive aggressive man. Everyone thought he was a total sweetheart. My last boyfriend (8 years ago) walked around huffing and puffing and doing sneaky mean sh*t. I would describe both of them as seething and neither of them ever would have admitted it.
I was married to pasive-agressive for 20 years . We remained friendly and he still doesn't see what was the problem. To many I was the witch and he was the angel. My mental and physical health improved greatly from when I am alone (6 years now).
They consciously decide what face to show to which people, don’t they? We get the angry, withholding one while the rest of the world gets the “I’m such a nice guy” face. Mine would still be trying to be my buddy (which is all he ever really wanted, anyway) if he hadn’t died. (I do not miss him one iota.) I understand the health issue as well, I had ulcers by the time I left.
This public persona act is manipulative . The “nice guy” I am married to (and no longer live with) liked to chase me down and strangle me while pounding my head on the floor and threatening to kill me. Under that seething is rage. (Yet he’s somehow always the victim!?!) Run away from this at the first sign. It only gets worse.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I hope you’re completely safe from him now.
So far, so good. But I have a certain amount of increased awareness that’s always there too.
yup.
I took a very brief foray into a dating app shortly after I learned about BHDM so I could read over some profiles and see if I could apply this new knowledge I'd acquired. And something I noticed right away was that, in about 95% of the profiles (the ones that actually had stuff written in them), the men described themselves as "easy going". I started to wonder what this even meant, because in my experience, no they are fucking not. I suspect what they really mean is that they are "easy going", as long as everything goes exactly the way they want/expect/demand. I think that descriptor alone in a dating app profile is kind of a red flag all on its own.
I've always interpreted "easy going" from a man to be guy code for "sloppy dresser, messy home and lazy as fvck" tbh
Also correct!
And who expects you to organise EVERYTHING and do EVERYTHING while he sits on the couch and watches sportsball
"sportsball"! I love it! Covers most of them in one dismissive swoop!!
My brother is a misogynistic sod, I always choose not to drink too much in his presence because he loves to bait me into a political discussion that generally ends with him invalidating and blaming me for a previous violent relationship with my sons dad- neither my 19yo son nor I speak to the dad and I usually only see my brother once or twice a year...
Anyway, I can usually tell when my brother is on the apps because his messages (to me and probably to everyone) are more "easygoing"... they're "easygoing" until they've found someone to fill a role, then they can return to their normal misogynistic selves again- it's a role they play
THIS!!! 🙌 💯 🎯
I was in a short term relationship with a man for about two years. I missed some of the red flags in the beginning. One of the things he used to say was that he liked being ‘spontaneous’. But as time went on, I observed him having a very rigid lifestyle. ( He worked at night and had some hang ups post divorce 6 years.) And we actually had a conversation about this conflict between his words and his actual lifestyle. I don’t think he saw it before. At any rate, I can see now that there was some mild control issues and rigidity in his lifestyle. At the time I was recently divorced and going back to college so I wasn’t looking for anything committed. But as time went by, and I got my feet underneath of me and got grounded, I started to realize that that style of relationship ultimately was not what I wanted. And by then he was already beginning to show some signs of small sabotage in the relationship. I finally decided I was not being cherished, and I ended it. But on the outside looking in, he was a great guy and seemed to have all of his ducks in order. But I can see now looking back how I tolerated some things I should not have. Hindsight is 2020.
Yep either that or he’s emotionally lazy, refuses to plan or prepare anything, and you will be carrying the whole mental load.
What a frightening profile. The words unyielding and unwavering in that context make my blood run cold 😬
Agreed. Terrifying.
My 31-year-old son Henry, my almost 91-year-old dad and my late husband Steve — with whom I had an extraordinarily happy 10-year marriage — are sort of my touchstones. They are and were the best men I know. If I’m on the fence about something a man has written, I will ask myself, “Would Henry, Steve or my dad EVER say this?” If the answer is no, that’s an easy block-to-burn.
You lucky girl. Not one, but THREE great men in your life.
And I never, ever forget how monumentally fortunate I am.
I want to hug the person who submitted the question. This method changes/saves lives period, paragraph.
Here's a parallel. Years ago I tried to develop an assessment for a model of effectiveness we had created in my training business. I even hired a PhD assessment creator to help. We did a soft test with a whole slew of coaching clients we were working with -- and whom we knew very well.
It DID not work, but I learned a lot. 1) that humans cannot rate their own level of effectiveness no matter how cleverly you create an assessment (different from a personality assessment -- think of this more like how actually aware and present is the person). Maybe as 360 review, where you ask a bunch of people around them.
But more importantly, 2) that there was pretty much an inverse correlation effect. That is, people who we knew were leading lives that were highly effective--full of love and connection, with opportunities and experiences that aligned more with what they wanted, etc. -- were much more likely to say they rated LOWER. And people we knew who were leading lives that were really NOT very effective--lacking love and connection, missing opportunities and experiences that aligned more with what they wanted, etc. -- were much more likely to say they rated HIGHER. They invariably inflated their ratings past what we saw in the evidence.
My takeaway is that people of higher awareness are more honest. They know they don't ALWAYS avoid drama, even if they do most of the time. They know that they are not perfect so they don't claim it.
Anyway, we gave up on the project :)
I recall learning about this in my Anthropology studies. Self reporting and assessment are incredibly unreliable. I think one researcher learned this by going through people's garbage. For example. people will grossly underestimate how much alcohol they drink and junk food they eat, but empty beer bottles and fast food packaging don't lie.
Ooh, excellent point -- I vaguely remember that study.
Dunning-Kruger effect in action, no?
Kind of -- I think of Dunning-Kruger as overestimating knowledge or skill, and in this case, it was overestimating their awareness/consciousness/enlightenment. But maybe we can apply D-K here as well!
The point of D-K is that beginners overestimate their skill and experts underestimate it, so it seems to be exactly what you're talking about in 2), no?
Wow. I feel like this confirms everything we know intuitively about certain people we have crossed paths with. Thank you for sharing this.
Interesting. I used to have my employees do self-reviews and they were always honest and accurate. It might be because they knew I'd call out BS.
I wasn't doing a performance assessment and I wasn't their boss. :)
I dated a guy that fits in these three categories for way too long. He was psychology abusive and sexually coercive. The abuse started slowly and I dismissed it because it was small and infrequent until it wasn't. He was the victim of his ex-wife. When anyone says their ex is "crazy" I run, because they are the problem. He had so much drama with his ex and custody battle. It was exhausting. I eventually left. Two years after leaving I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I think the chronic stress played a big part. His dad treated his Mom poorly too, and she had breast cancer as well. It makes my stomach sick thinking about it now. Thank you Jennie for your work.
I went on a coupla dates with a guy about a year ago who on date #2 described both his ex-wives as insane. That was actually the first time I was aware that he’d been divorced twice. I said, “What does it say about you that you picked not one but TWO insane women to marry?” He was a little taken aback by that and never contacted me again, bwahahahaha!
I love asking men if they are friends with any of their exes to see what type of information I can get from their responses. It’s not foolproof, but it does weed out the “all my exes are insane bitches” men.
I love your man-repelling ways
They are always the common denominator. I would bet their exes are definitely not crazy now they are free from those men.
the difference between "I simply request" and "It would mean a lot to me/I would love" is huge. "I simply request" reveals exasperation at having to make the request, so it's actually code for "I demand and I will be angry if I don't get it." It is what you say to an unruly child. Run.
None of the dating app profile should be about ANYONE except the dude who it belongs to, in my opinion. There's no "nice way" to tell random strangers how they should be.
I can guarantee that this man has a terrible relationship with his teenager too. That poor kid.
I look back and realize how many red flags I subconsciously registered, but ignored. I mean, there were so many RAGING red flags that I think I made allowances for lesser ones, which were still signs of danger and toxicity ahead. I wish Burned Haystack had existed sooner!
A big red flag is him telling you what you need to be or how you need to act in what is supposed to be his BIO. He’s supposed to be telling you about himself instead of putting in his order for a trad wife.
Spot on. The pattern I see with these “moral compass broadcasters” is that they use labels as licensing to be arseholes. In their minds, they have given themselves permission to treat women poorly as they have believe their own lies of being “empaths” or “non-abusers.” To me, it’s the equivalent of preachers who commit crimes.
Yes. The rhet patt of Conditional Decency
No one easy going uses words like “unyielding” and “unwavering” to describe what they want from someone, no matter what words follow them. So right off the bat he’s a liar who is trying to deceive you into believing he is something he is not.
My heart goes out to this reader and I'm glad she survived. Many of us have found ourselves opening up emotionally to someone we never should have, it's mind-boggling.