Hinge has a feature that allows people to set up these “pop up” messages that matches must encounter before proceeding to chat with them. It’s the equivalent of having to “accept terms and conditions,” which is a pretty disturbing (and stupefyingly egotistical) move to make if you’re a stranger-man on the internet wanting to romantically connect with women.
I’ve seen this used in a reasonable way exactly one time: I matched with someone last week who had used this feature to share this message:
"I’m traveling for work this week, so I might be a little slower than normal to respond to messages, but I promise I’m still here and engaged in this process!”
This feels totally reasonable to me. It’s also not how men usually use this feature.
One of our Facebook group members provided this example, which we need to break down:
Let’s discuss the rhetoric of using the feature this way before we even get to the message itself:
It’s controlling
It’s conditional
It’s disciplinary/directive
Okay, now that everyone understands the process here, let’s analyze! The interesting thing to me about this one is that the message itself is highly problematic (in ways I know you’ll all call out, so please do!), but the rhetorical problems I bulleted above add additional layers to the toxicity; it’s actually a quite complex display of toxic rhetoric on the dating apps.
Please discuss . . .
So nice of him to make sure we are completely aware that choosing him would be settling 🤦♀️
I’ve seen that feature used when someone wanted to explain their sobriety and comfort level with others consuming around them, which I thought was helpful. This one is also helpful, although in a completely different way 🤣